Hi Moms,
I need to know if this case sounds like postpartum depression and what do you do if you think someone is suffering from it?
My bestfriend's sister-in-law had a baby last week. She and her husband are in their 30's and this is their first child. Since having the baby, she's called my bf 2 times crying. She feels out of routine and like the baby is coming between her and her husband. She feels like she wants to be back at work. She also says the baby is a great baby so she doesn't understand why she feels this way.
My bf offered up help yesterday and was at their house from 9am to 9pm. As soon as she got there, both her SIL & BIL left the baby and started doing their own things around the house. They got ready and left for 2 hours. Neither said "goodbye" to the baby they didn't call and ask how the baby was doing, they basically didn't acknowledge the baby once my bf got there and took over! This is a 1 week old baby we're talking about!
To make a really long story shorter, the mom of the newborn only acknowledged her baby for 40 minutes (while she was nursing...the other times the baby was bottlefed) during a 12 hour day. The new mom and dad took a nap together (with the dog) but left the sleeping baby downstairs with my bf. Also, the baby's umbilical cord fell off while they were gone and my bf was so excited to show them but they didn't really seem interested :(
My bf called me last night because both her SIL & BIL's behavior seemed abnormal to her, but she wasn't sure? My bf doesn't have any children yet. I confirmed to her that I thought it was abnormal that they barely acknowledged their own child in a 12 hour period. I can remember having feelings that my son was coming between my husband and I but I was all over that baby! He was (still is!) my pride and joy. I could have never left him at 1 week old.
Anyways, she's really concerned and doesn't know what to do. Her SIL has a history of severe anxiety and depression and is already on a low-dose of meds that are safe to take during pregnancy and breastfeeding.
What do you do when you think someone has postpartum? My bf doesn't want to overstep any boundaries but she NEEDS to make sure that this new baby is safe and well cared for. She said she just felt terrible when she left there last night and she wanted to take the baby with her and just take care of it herself.
My bf updated me on the situation today.
Her SIL was able to spend the day alone with the baby yesterday. It really sounds like she's feeling more like a mom and is forming a bond with her baby. She followed a few of my suggestions. She invested in a nipple shield, started nursing on demand, and took naps when the baby was sleeping.
My bf said she sounded like a different person today! I'm so happy for her. Thank you for your advice!
That's so sad... it's good she's breastfeeding at least that's supposed to help ward off depression and help with bonding.
Perhaps your friend can check in regularly or go over as often as possible?
Maybe the parents were just overwhelmed after the first week? I didn't leave my son for MONTHS alone with a babysitter.. I can't imagine leaving the baby at 1 week and going out..
I agree with Alison, I think it's to early to diagnose ppd but this isn't "normal" behavior.
In some ways, I felt like that my first week or so. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed that I was more than willing to let my mom and grandmother do a lot of the work. I remember being thankful to the point of tears when someone held my son for 5 minutes while I went up and took communion at church. And I felt too like my husband and I were being pulled apart.
Part of it might be how long they've been married. I think my husband and I were so used to just the two of us, that the baby felt like an outsider for awhile. We kind of had to adjust to him.
I would suggest that your bf keep in close contact with them, making sure the baby is being cared for properly. She may need help connecting to the baby. Perhaps she hasn't been around many children and doesn't know how to enjoy little ones.
And like Alison suggested she could go and talk to a counselor, even if she doesn't have ppd.
While her behavior is not what I would consider "normal" it is also not consistent with pp depression. PP is typically only diagnosable after about 6 weeks, when your hormones return to normal. However, you meantion the history of anxiety and depression, which this sounds more like... I think your BF needs to talk to mom and see how she is dealing, see what her pre-baby expectations were and perhaps gentely suggest counseling.
It may be too early to tell. Hormones can really mess you up too. I would keep going over and assessing the situations including confronting her about her feelings about the baby and life with the baby.
Reassess the situation in a week or two.
I did suffer from postpartum but I didn't have detachment issues - it was lack of energy and motivation to do anything and spirts of anger. My baby was all I wanted to live for. I wasn't actually diagnosed with it until the baby was 7 months old. But the OB said sometimes it takes that long cause life seems to be back to normal but it really isn't.
Keep close tabs on them.
I agree it's early to call it ppd, although it could be the more common "baby blues". Although I find it disturbing that the husband was obviously not interested in the baby either.
Here are some online resources that might help: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS...
http://www.mededppd.org/mothers/
I think you have good reason to be really concerned about this situation, especially her seeming lack of empathy with the baby. Hopefully, this is temporary - hormones and the shock of childbirth. Is there a grandmother or aunt who can monitor this? What about the baby's father - could he be appealed to? I agree - something is wrong and, even if she comes out of this, it's a risky situation right now. Postpartum depression is complex and for someone who's already got some struggles, it can be even riskier. God bless your bf for jumping in there! Some counties have a parent-infant program where a worker visits the home of at-risk babies and works closely with the parents. This would probably be through the county's community mental health or public health department. A social worker at the hospital where the baby was born should have this information, but with the privacy laws, I think the parents or their doctor would have to ask for these services or the pediatrician or OB if they knew about it.
