Does It Bother You When Your Husband Goes Out.

I think that men do need a night out and that you should not be upset by that - maybe you could compromise and tell him that you can drop him off wherever and he needs to take a cab or get a ride home. Or just ride with one of his buddies.

You also need to get a night out. or a day out, whatever works for you. Everyone needs some time to do whatever it is that they like to do wether it is by themselves or with their friends.

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My husband is a real "family" guy but I wouldn't deny him a night out with his buds. He's a big boy, he works hard, and he deserves it. Now if it was 3 or 4 night per week....not so much. I think it's about balance.

It used to bother me when hubby went out multiple nights per week and left me home alone with the children. But, he learned quickly that didn't work well with our growing family and changed - on his own. Now, he goes out approximately once a month, if that, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I go out maybe once a year! I could go more if I wanted, I just don't have the desire....rather be home with the kids.

It depends how often hubby goes out to determine whether you are being unreasonable. I believe there is always a happy medium everyone can live with. If he is going out weekly and you feel stressed, talk to him about it. It isn't unreasonable to request he go less, at least for a while. I always got hubby to be receptive and got the best results from hubby when I talked to him about it nicely - no nagging or griping! And hubby definitely should NOT be driving home in this state - that always bugged me if hubby did that - unacceptable!

Good luck to you!

You don't have to fight with him about his time going out, just take it upon yourself to leave him with the kids when YOU feel the need to go out. If you bug him about time he is spending with kids and blah blah, he will never get it. You have to take care of you and if you need a break, just do like they do, take it, no argument, explanation or worry. He will be fine and so will your kids. Statement like "Honey, I am going to the mall, I will be back at 4pm, Bye"- Kids will scream, dad will get upset, but they will settle in after you're gone and you will have your time. The problem is not them going out, it is the perception they have more time to do nothing and you have to sacrifice all time to do everything.

How often does he go out? After having kids, I don't think it's 'normal' to go out EVERY weekend. When he does drink he should take a cab. What if he got into an accident and God Forbid hurt someone - or killed someone? Drinking/Bar scene is for single men and women, not married ones. The reason people go is to meet people. Maybe Happy Hour with the guys once a month BUT I would be concerned if he stayed out past 10 pm. After 10 pm is when the bar scene becomes a meat market.

My answer is yes and no. My hubby has two very close guy friends and all the three of them do is hang out, play video games, drink beer and talk politics. Sometimes they will play washers, other times they will watch the game. So I am never concerned with where he is or who is around. He knows he can't drive while he's been drinking and has grown up a little in the respects that he will stop early and give himself some time before he drives or I will come and get him if I am already out and about (he also has realized that he is too old to stay up all hours and gets tired at 10 so it isn't a far stretch somedays!)

What bothers you the most: that he isn't helping you with the baby, thinks that you should just stay home, or that you are too tired to go out? The answer to the question truly depends on the reason for the question.

Maybe one night you should organize a friend or two to meet you out and be ready to go when he gets home. Just hand him the baby and say I will be back later! It will be hard for you because you will be tired, but it will do wonders for your mental state!

With that said:
No he shouldn't be drinking and driving.
Yes he should be helping.

In my opinion, this is something that many new parents go through and it is different for everyone. It is hard to say why your husband does the things he does because we don't know him. You will need to talk to him more about it. maybe take a weekend to go and see your parents or a friend (even for a day) and leave him in charge of the house. My husband is always saying how hard it is to clean and feed and and and while the LO is around so I remind him of that when he makes comments regarding the house or anything (we both work full-time).

Talk to him, but try not to nag him. be creative in your approach- the younger the guy, the more creative you will need to be! and good luck!!

To answer your question; no it does not bother me when my husband goes out. However, I do get a lot more support than you get, it seems, so I miss him when he goes out. Also, he does not go out weekly nor do I, it's more like every other month. We take turns going to a movie (get a sitter is hard for us). We both work and we both get the kids to bed at night, not easy but easier when there is two. Good luck.

My husband goes out on Wednesdays to play darts and on Tuesdays and Thursdays he plays ball. Yes, it bothers me because I feel like I have 100% of the load of our family on my shoulders. I don't think I'd mind as much if he did more around the house to help when he's home. (I posted about that the other day.) I don't mind the fact that he is going out, it's that I don't get the support I feel like I need when he is home. So we have to work on that communication. Sounds like you guys need to do the same. Good luck!

Well, does he give you a night out? Can your mom or someone come for a night and watch her?

I would LOVE to send the kids somewhere and for my husband to go out with his friends and leave me home alone. I miss solitude now, but when I first had a baby it was lonely. I had to go join MOPS even though I stink at meeting people and small talk. It gave me a break and helped me meet moms so I wasn't all alone all the time.

Going out does not bother me--I usually have to encourage my husband to go out with friends without me (it is good for him and important for him to have "guy" time). However, drinking too much and driving is a completely separate and serious issue. It sounds like there is not much he can do for the baby on his work days since the baby goes to sleep so soon after he gets home. I hate it when people try to make a case that one person's "job" (whether it is staying home or out of the home) is more work than another--every person is able to do different things, which may or may not be doable by the other person. I could NOT do my husband's job, but he does it very well. He sometimes doesn't know how I can stand what I do, but I like my job. We are both exhausted at the end of the day, even though I was at a desk and he was physically taking care of developmentally disabled adults. We can't compare. I don't begrudge my husband time relaxing with the television (I don't relax that way so don't do it), and I don't expect him to do things just because when I do them better or faster. He has other things he does that he is better at than I am.

If you are too tired to go out and really want to, see if you can set a date and your husband can request that he leave work early to put the baby down and give you a week night off. Make plans with a few girlfriends or something and go to a movie. Although it sounds like a date night with your husband might be more in order--maybe he can try to do that once a month so you can go out early enough that you are still alert and you can reconnect (and take turns being the designated driver). That was the most upsetting part of your post to me--I hope you can come up with a comfortable solution.

I think your issue with him going out is secondary to his drinking and driving. That is a huge issue that puts him and others in danger. It needs to be addressed and now! He is being selfish and needs to know this. Time for a serious talk with that man of yours mama.

You are not being unreasonable. You all made this child together. He needs to step it up and start taking responsibility. Just because he leaves the house to go to work doensn't mean that what he does is any harder than what you do every day by staying home with the baby. I am a stay at home mother and my fiance works ten hours a day, but when he comes home, he takes our daughter and at least dedicates the last couple hours of his day to her. Parenthood is a shared responsibility. Sounds to me like your husband needs a good tounge lashing!!!!!! He needs to help out and you need to make that very clear to him. He needs to know how you feel and he needs to know that his behavior is unacceptable!!!!!!!!!!

Truthfully, it does not matter what others feel about their own relationship. What matters is him going out is bothering you. And it sounds as though, you need a break too. I think you need to talk to him and explain that you need some time away too. Perhaps you both can go out together, or each spend time out separately. But its only fair you both get some time to yourselves.

No you aren't being unreasonable. You both need some time to yourselves every once in awhile. As long as it's done responsibly. Drinking and driving is not being responsible. Could you sit down with him and discuss it calmly. Tell him that you understand he needs some time to himself and you completely support him but that you also need the same. Express your concerns for his safety (as well as others) when he drinks too much and then decides to drive. Plan time for you to do something just for you. Have him keep the baby so you can do it. You both need to take time out for yourselves and for each other. When you talk to him, don't do it in away where he feels he's being attacked. Go about it in an agreeable, sympathetic way. Good luck.

YES! It does. I have encouraged mine to join a bowling league or take up golf or play softball or something. I understand he has to have time to himself and time to recharge his batteries. I don't understand why that has to be at a bar. Remember that old saying of our mothers? Nothing good happens after 1am? That's how I feel. Going to a bar, by himself and drinking, by himself after 1am......nothing good can come from that!

When I occasionally have a an organized work happy hour or Mary Kay party or something, he makes me pay for it. I go to a work event for 2 hours in the afternoon and when I come back - boom - out the door to a bar, by himself. As though it's his turn or now he has permission. It's not even worth me doing things with friends or co-workers because it's going to lead to him hitting the bar. Yes! it bothers the hell out of me!

Maybe I am being unreasonable, but it all sounds unacceptable to me. I suppose I am a lucky woman that my husband comes home and wants to spend time with his family.

He shouldn't be going out to bars and coming home drunk or putting his life at risk or leaving you to do all the work all the time. Free time to yourselves or to spend with friends now and then, yeah, that's completely necessary and reasonable, but not every night and not in that fashion. My husband won't even have a beer if we're at an event where my son is with us, he doesn't believe in drinking in front of our child.

I'd tell him to grow up and also ask what's at the heart of this? Why doesn't he want to take an active role in being a husband and father and setting a good example for his child? And if he needs time alone or "man time" Find a more constructive outlet-play an team sport through work or a community group once or twice a week, go out with friends on a weekend night, or get a babysitter and take out his wife!

It sounds like you two need to talk and soon! I hope you can come to some compromises and that life gets better!

My husband only goes out about 6-7 times a year. It is usually when all of his high school and college buddies get together. Sometimes the girls are allowed and the kids too, but then when the sun goes down we take the kiddo's home for bed. I would have to say out of those times we have gotten a babysitter so I we could go out as a couple instead of just him or me going out. We both prefer to go out together, but he does have his guys night out every now and then. Yes, he does come home drunk, but he never drives.

If he is wanting to go out weekly then I do not think you are being unreasonable, but if it is maybe once a month or every other month then yes, I think you are. Guys need "man time" so to say. I would love to know what goes on during their man time, but I will prolly never know it all. One time during my husband's "man time" they all tried to throw taco's over a building. :) No joke. When he is drunk all's he wants to do is talk about what happened, but this is usually 3 am so I just tell him we can talk in the morning.

NO! YOU are not being unreasonable. HE is. I would be very upset with him. However, finding a balanced solution will help ease your frustration and give him an outlet as well. How about a sitter and a night out TOGETHER. I find that when my Husband is neglecting me all that I really want is quality time with him, a good date might do you both good. Or, if you are looking for time to yourselves on an individual bases a sitter will still work and you both go and do your own thing. I'm sorry for your hurt feelings we have all been there.

If my husband drank and drove (putting himself and others in danger) then, yes, it would bother me. That's not going out to have fun, that's a problem.

My husband goes out sometimes with the buddies and I like him to do so. Sometimes we all need a break. It sounds like the bigger problem isn't that he's going out, but when and how, and how you feel like he's not supporting you at home, either.

It used to really piss me off when my husband would be either at work or out with his friends & almost never at home during the hours that we were all awake. I worked full-time also (and still do) but am always the one working days so it's possible for him to work whatever crazy rotating shifts his job throws at him. It was happening so frequently that it definitely caused a huge issue in our marraige.

Things have since shifted considerably where he goes out occassionally though still way more often than I do. Like one of the other moms said, for a long time it felt like even though he already went out much more frequently than I did, if I ever went out with my friends for an evening it was guaranteed that within the next day or 2 he would go out whether it was previously scheduled or not & that REALLY made me angry. It made me feel like he could do whatever he wanted, but if I did the same thing then I would "pay for it". Like I said, things have changed now in that I work a lot of people that go out much more regularly. Now, I don't go out very often in my opinion, once every couple of months probably, but all of a sudden, DH is the one with the issue. Of course he'd never come right out & say he doesn't like it, but clearly he's not happy about it. That's why I go out probably 1 out of every 10 times I'm invited & the rest of the times I bow out. It's a learning curve I think in a relationship & as long as you're responsible (which clearly your husband is not), and otherwise satisfied in your relationship (which clearly YOU are not), then I think it's very healthy to go out without your spouse once in a while.

It doesn't bother me because I go out too. You should both sit down and decide if you're each going to have a weekly night out with friends (or whatever) or two nights a month -something equal. Regardless of what either of you do when you go out, if you drink more than a few, then you need to take a cab home or have some other form of transportation in place. DUIs cost thousands of dollars -not to mention the danger.

Wow you just described my life with my X to the T. My story I think would probably scare you more then help you, but one thing is for sure If you cant go out with him, he shouldnt be out at all. If he can be ok with leaving you at home 24/7 everyday while hes gone about 24/7. Somethings wrong. He needs to be home with you and the baby more than him going out or you need a babysitter to go out together...I hope this all works out for you. I know exactly how you feel....A really hard situation especially if he does like to go out with out you...Men are like kids, it takes them awhile to grow up and get out of that going out mode.

My husband goes out with guy friends once or twice a year, and even then he at least helps me in some capacity (like helping put them to bed). Your husband is not a good family man, but something tells me you already knew this before you married and had kids with him. I wish you all the best and hope he changes his ways. You are not wrong for wanting him to share in your parenting responsibilities and obligations to put his family first.

I go out more than my husband, actually. I go to a friend's house to watch Glee every week, and on Thursdays I have a craft night (lately also a Doctor Who night) with some girlfriends. He doesnt mind. Sometimes if he plays his game too much it bothers me, but I just tell him if I want him to stay up with me instead of playing and he does.

I think we all need a "break". You too. I agree, drinking and driving is NOT EVER ok. Do you ever go out together? Why don't you suggest or set up a sitter and go out and spend some time together? Sounds like you could both use it.

My husband goes out for a beer after work with his buddies every Monday. It doesn't bother me because it's one beer (with food) and he's good about helping out at home. He's also great about me getting time with my friends, too, and we are good about being sure we have date night pretty often, as well.

In your situation I would have a problem with it, so no, I do not think you're being unreasonable. The drinking a driving would be a huge issue for me, and it sounds like he isn't home with you much. You need more time with your hubby, and need more help at home (and perhaps some time to yourself as well). I hope you and your husband are able to reach an agreement.