Right now I just want to pull away from everything/everyone and take a 'break'. This doesn't include my husband and kids, or other family. Actually I would rather spend most of my time with them.
But things with a group of 'friends' and acquintances just seem to add stress to my life. The further I pull back and away from it all, the more peaceful I feel. But I worry about isolating myself too.
It has also been sort of sad and emotional with the group of friends. A small group of us became friends and included each other. Then I could slowly see myself being excluded. This was being done by one of the friends that seems to have many insecurities. Her and I were fairly close to begin with. Not sure what happened there. Me being excluded has been going on for quite some time now. But I realize I've never mentally resolved this within myself.
Some big, very good news happened for 2 of them (1 being the one that excludes me) and none of the news was shared with me in our small group. I found out from the announcement that was sent to the wide group of people. This wasn't a big shocker to me. I know I've been excluded for a while, but it does hurt and makes me sad. And it's a reminder of not being included anymore. I'm usually okay with it, but it's these things that come up make me feel bad about it all over again.
Some of this is probably my fault b/c I've never been good about initiating plans to go do stuff, so maybe I fell out of the loop b/c of that.
It's amazing in life how things that need to be revealed to us are. The girl that excludes me, sent an email to the rest of our small group and left me off. Then one of the others from the small group forwarded the email on to 'undisclosed recipients' and I think while it was just another hurtful reminder, it is good to see it in black and white that I am indeed being excluded by her. It's not my imagination.
Which is what causes me trouble - I'll think that I'm just imagining these things and trying to find a problem, so I get hope that things will go back to the way they used to be with me and the group.
But I now need to realize, it's over and move on. Also, these are suppose to be Christian women, so I just kept telling myself they would never do such a thing.
So I need to pull back and maybe focus more on my spiritual growth. And be able to get to a point where if an email comes out and I've been excluded, it doesn't even phase me.
Since the small group and I are intertwined with a larger group, I will still see them/emails from them, so I won't get a clean break from it all which is a little unfortunate. And means more work on my part to try to get over it.
Another thing going on - I've been thinking that at some point I might be able to work at an organization I volunteer at regularly. I know everyone there and have great relationships with them. They moved to a new location and my gut was telling me that maybe a position may become available and I could possibly work there. Sure enough - one of the people I fill in for was telling me that she would be moving into a new role. It actually was a shock for her and it did upset her the way it was handled so last minute. This gave me a terrible feeling b/c she is a very nice person. I didn't like how the situation was handled with this just being dropped on her. I wondered if I might be approached about the job, which she seemed like she would be okay with. She actully felt like it would make the most sense for me since I'm her backup. Then one of the other people that work there was sharing all the catyness going on around there. They are supposed to be Christians and it was making me ill just hearing about it. Sounds like a very toxic environment. I really think it was meant to be that I hear about this. This would probably not be a place I would want to work at after all.
Also, the person in charge has delegated the hiring for the position to one of their workers. I know this worker would never pick me for the job since I have more experience and a college degree and have been in the corporate world and corporate roles. This position probably wouldn't be a good fit for me anyway for that reason since it's really more of an entry level position.
Also, their boss and I are pretty close acquitances and when I was talking with my husband, before I could even say it, he said that she would never pick me b/c I'm close with the boss.
Now I just feel like pulling back completely away from the organization and just getting a break from it.
But again their is some sadness there because I really like was the organization stands for and I really wanted to work there and make a difference. So I'm struggling with just letting it go, but know I probably need to.
It just seems like there are so many aspects of my life that are just taking away my peace, yet just moving away from it all makes me sad and I know I"ll miss it. Or maybe I"m just missing what I thought was there?
Anyway, anyone else just feel like they need to get away from and take a break from all the people in differeint aspects of their life?
How do you cope with the sadness of moving away from the people that are typically part of your life?
I think you might be confusing me w/ someone else. I don't post this ? Once a month.
Sounds like you need a breather. There is nothing wrong with unplugging from friends for awhile, you might do better by just telling them that you are taking a break and concentrating of "family" for a time, tell them you will call when you are ready to re-enter the "social" network.
As a matter of fact, I HAVE felt like that. Once. For 5 minutes. In 6th grade. Then I shrugged and went to jump rope with a different group of kids.
People change. Group dynamics morph. Things go bad.
I don't want to discount your feelings. I know they are real to you. But being a smart educated person, you must realize that allowing OTHER people's behavior define your own self worth is a bad idea, you know?
You've had your 5 minutes of "sadness". Now it's time to shrug and move on. Psh, their loss anyway, right?
Maybe you could talk to the doc, you might be a little depressed. You use the word SAD quite a few times.
Surely you realize you're better than this, don't you? Why not bring your talent and gifts somewhere where it's appreciated. With people who make you feel good? Look forward to a new exciting adventure!
:)
It sounds like you need to find new friends, if that's what you want to call them.
The friends I have, I've met in different areas of my life (work, when I was a SAHM, etc.), and I think it's to my benefit, not to be part of a large "circle" of mutual "friends" where these types of things tends to happen. If you have friends from different places, there is no exclusion, because you hang out separately, anyway. Just my take.
I am happy with my few, quality friends. I also can get anti-social & just want to do nothing on weekends, which is another reason I don't do large groups of friends. My friends don't expect daily or even weekly contact from me, and vice versa.
Sounds like it's time to take a break & re-evaluate the people you have in your life, and what a friend should be to you.
Here is the thing, and this is not an insult because I am a quirky person, you seem to post something similar to this every month.
Have you considered figuring yourself out, like why does this happen? I am a much happier person since I figured out what makes me tick.
So to answer your question, no, I know when I am in no mood for some situations. I haven't.
What is that serenity prayer? Change what you can change?
Hazel made some good points (as did several others).
I noticed that you seem to be quite focused on the fact that these women "are supposed to be Christians". You mentioned it several times. Perhaps you are a bit let down, not just by these women, but by your own misperception of what a Christian is. A Christian isn't always nice, always kind, always happy, always putting others first, always including everyone. A Christian is just as fallen and sinful as the next guy, only hopefully more aware of it and repentant, and receiving forgiveness for it. Christians aren't perfect. So maybe if you just look at these women as WOMEN, and see what it is you are looking to find, you can figure out where to go from here.
It's like I tell my kids sometimes: If you like the intent of the place, but you think it is being handled badly, why not see how YOU can make it a better place, or get it organized better? See what you can bring to the table to improve it? If you can't, then maybe you should move along to something/some place else, where you can put your talents to better use.
As for coping, generally, when I am sad about moving from one phase of my life to another (or a friend doing that in such a way that we no longer get to spend time---they move across country for husband's job perhaps, or get busy with multiple kids that are needy, or whatever) then I find something else to spend my time doing. Find someone to help. Do something for my kids. Do something for my spouse. Do something for ME, even. :)
Is it really that you're excluded? Or simply not included in everything? Is literally everyone else in the group included in every single group activity all the time or are there occasionally other people also not included? Because I think that's the more likely scenario. You seem so focused on what you're not included in, what you're not being invited to, what you're not chosen for... well... what have you done to make sure you're included? What have you done to make yourself noticed?
If we want to participate in life and careers then we can't just wait for others to notice us. We can't wait for others to invite us in to participate. And when we back off and take the introverted route, we can't really complain and cry sadness that others are respecting our apparent wishes rather than trying to force the wall down and motivate us.
I've been there, at times.
What helps is to sort out the individuals from the dynamic at hand. Sometimes, nice people get caught up in the junk. (By the way, it doesn't matter which religion they are, Christian or not, we're all human and we all have our baggage.) Try to suss out what it is you are wanting from the group, and see if you can figure out if this group in particular is meeting that need.
It's nice to take a break, gain some perspective and refocus. If you hear from those in the larger group-- more directly and personally-- take it as a good sign that they are interested in getting together. It's hard for moms to organize themselves, sometimes. Try not to take that personally.
For what it's worth, I've experienced something similar to what you describe with your large group, and have worked on cultivating the relationships which feel good for me. Time will really heal that hurt feeling-- it won't sting so much if you find things to do which keep you busy and happy. Enjoy your family for now. Don't worry about the volunteer job unless you are specifically offered a job, and then be clear about what you want from it. If it doesn't suit-- let it go.
You sound like you have issues with thinking that you are supposed to be in a group and liking to be by yourself and respecting yourself enough to do what's right for you. You don't have to be in any group and you don't need to get all the news on earth unless it directly affects you. And you seem to find it to be a great betrayal when people profess to be Christians but sort of leave you out.
It happens in this great world that we do not stay forever connected with all sorts of people. And life is inconsistent. Take it one day at a time. And yes, enjoy your own family. Your post is very conflicted saying you want to take a break from all sorts of people but then wanting to be a part of everyone.
Good luck.
I would say, take that break and use the time to focus on you. Find a Christian counselor who can work with you to help you with this.
Change can and often does bring sadness, that is normal. But letting it linger can hurt you.
I will say a prayer for you that you find the support and friendship you need.
I think it would be good to take a break from the group for a little while. Keep yourself busy with other activities, something you enjoy so you aren't feeling like you should go right back. Try something new if you have to. Join a gym or take an exercise class during the times you would normally be with this Christian group. Exercise can do wonders for improving your overall mood and not stressing about the small stuff. Give it a month and then see if you still want to rejoin, or if life seems happier without it.
The story you tell almost sounds like something from middle school, but don't feel bad because some women just never outgrow that behavior and continue to be catty their whole lives. Christian or not, YOU DON'T NEED THEM!
I can usually tell these types of women after hanging out with them a few times, and it makes me completely lose interest in getting to know them any better. Find some people who are pleasant to hang out with, there are plenty of them out there!
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