Doctor Refusing to Tell Patient the Gender of Her Baby

I understand the doctor being a little cautious, even though I am almost positive that the lawsuit against his colleague wasn't successful. However, I suggest just having her sign a waiver stating that she won't sue if the doctor is wrong. Though I would be skeptical staying with that doctor. What else will he refuse to do?

He has that right, some people ruin things for everyone else. Its unfortunate but she needs to find a new doctor. Personally though i enjoyed NOT finding out.

Wow, if her doctor is worried about being sued over this, I can only imagine how the labor and delivery might go! I would RUN as fast I could away from this doctor and find a new one. And, read, "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer in the meantime. :)

That's sad. I would advise her to get a new OB. I understand where the doctor is coming from if his friend was sued, all my doctors said, "This is not totally accurate, but I can give you my opinion based on what I see." and I said that was good enough for me.
I'm not vilifying this doctor for protecting himself, but its not a good fit with your cousin who wants to know the sex. If the doctor is too busy protecting himself to make his patient happy then the patient needs to hire a different doctor. She's in charge,not him.

20 week ultrasounds are NOT performed to find out the sex of the baby, insurance won't pay for that. They are performed to make sure baby is healthy and finding out the gender is just a perk. The doc is under absolutly NO obligation to tell any of his patients should he choose not to. It's a little odd but I don't think she needs to find another doctor unless there are other issues lying around.

I would go to a new doctor. Next they will be saying they wont give her drugs because someone sued blablabla

geez louise. Find another doctor. What's next? He's afraid to let her have an epidural because someone sued him? Not worth staying with him!

Oh for goodness sake! This country has become SO litigious it's ridiculous. She needs a new doc. Yesterday.

Unless there is a compelling medical or personal reason to stay with this doctor, she should consider finding another physician. You cousin should expect to be treated with the same respect as she would expect from any other professional who she pays to provide a service. Any patient should be wary when physicians make decisions to withhold information based on their fear of lawsuits, rather than on what is best for the patient.
PS - even though the doctor's colleague was sued, I would be very, very surprised if such a lawsuit was successful.

Well, if the Dr. was smart, he would has a disclosure waiver where the patient would sign stating they understood that the prediction of the baby's gender was not 100% accurate. So, perhaps she could ask him this, after all she has the right to know what the sonogram results are. Even the weight and due date of the child is an estimate... based on his reasoning, he wouldn't tell her that either in case he was wrong. goodness

That's odd. Although, when I had my sonogram, I was told I was having a boy. It was odd, I felt in my heart I was having a girl. You know, mother's intuition. But I was happy either way. Then I had some genetic testing done due to my age and received a phone call at 6:30 a.m. one morning. The nurse on the other end of the line said, "Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" I glibly replied, "Oh, I already know we're having a boy!" She laughed and said, "Noooooo, you're not, you're having a girl!" LOL, I KNEW it! Anyway, I think I would certainly seek another doctor if I were your cousin.

I don't know of anyone this has happened too, but it doesn't surprise me. We've become a "sue" happy society and I totally understand the doctor protecting him/herself. I wouldn't change doctors because of that. I understand her being bummed, that's sad, but not worth leaving a good doctor who is already very conscious of doing things correct.-- my opinion

The fact that someone would sue over that seems ridiculous enough, but that he would refuse to do something over fear of lawsuit (when it wasn't even him that was sued) is a bit of a red flag to me. As the responder said below- what next? No drugs because I might be sued? I would get another doctor.

Wow. It's sad that it's come to this. A doctor can actually get sued for being mistaken about a baby's gender.

Can't say I blame the doctor. One bad apple spoils it for everyone else.

Tell her she will find out the sex... in about 20 weeks. And having done both it is much more exciting on the day of delivery. No reason to radiate the baby again just to find out the sex.

Lisa

The ultrasound techs were the ones who told me. I would be infuriated and demand that he tell me or he was going to get sued -and then I would find a different doctor!

I don't think there is a thing wrong w/ NOT knowing. For HUNDREDS of years, no one, except God, knew until a child was born. Unfortunately, people are sue happy over just about anything and everything, including things like this.

In the long run, WHO CARES as long as the baby is healthy and they are keeping you abreast of any issues that need to be dealt with, taking necessary precautions here and there, etc. PUT THIS INTO PERSPECTIVE!!! AND........respect the doctor who's trying to cover her assets! If she is a great doc, that's enough. Finding a new doc would be an immature move if she is a good doctor. Put yourself in the place of the doctor. People sue for MILLIONS over stupid stupid things. Again, if the baby is healthy, she is getting good care and advice, BE GRATEFUL. Not knowing the sex is NOT the end of the world by a long shot.

Would you rather have a doctor who told her the sex but overlooked something that needed to be addressed for the health and safety of the mother and/or child?

Oh the problems, all of the 'sue happy' people have created for the rest of us!

I TOTALLY understand where the Dr. is coming from and I don't blame him. Something really needs to be done about all of these frivolous law suits!

I had to sign a waiver indicating that I understood that gender prediction was not 100% accurate. I understood why the ultrasound tech needed me to sign it. People do like to sue over anything and everything. Perhaps your cousin could ask to sign a waiver. I don't think she should find an new doctor if this is the only thing that has happened since it isn't that he won't tell her HER baby's gender, but that he will not tell anyone as a policy of his office.

Yes, I have heard of this and quite honestly, I do agree with the dr. It's so difficult to tell for sure on some of the babies and is very, VERY easy to mix them up. My SIL was told at 32 weeks that she was getting a boy. Lo & behold, she had a girl...the cord was just in an awkward position. Don't be bummed! I didn't want to know the gender of our first. It didn't make a difference what we were getting, we would love the baby just the same. Congrats on the new addition to the family and I would't push for a new OB/GYN just yet :)

I have heard that unless they are 100% sure they will not tell parents the gender because they could be wrong. With my son, they couldn't tell because of how he was laying but the technician thought she caught a glimpse so she told us it was so fleeting she couldn't be sure but she would guess a boy if she had to guess. With my daughter, I had several ultrasounds and only the last one showed fairly well. She would be better off to have asked the technician but again, if they aren't sure they are NOT supposed to guess.

I would rather not know than be told wrong...I know people who bought ALL girl clothes and did the room pink only to bring home a baby BOY!

Wow, I've never heard of that but people are sue happy these days so I'm not shocked. With my second child we were told it was a girl and came out a boy. If only I would have thought to sue! Haha, just kidding.

Your cousin can go get a 3D ultrasound and find out the sex. We did that with our third child. Tell her to call today and I bet they can get her in this weekend to find out. I called and they had appointments the same night! The place I went to had a money back guarantee policy, if they were wrong on the gender, they would give you the money back that you paid for the ultrasound.
(If your cousin is in OH also and is willing to drive to Columbus, tell her to check out Ultrasona. They're awesome! http://www.ultrasonacolumbus.com/index.htm. )

i always had my ultrasounds done by a tech. they always told me, but always first asked whether i knew or wanted to know. this country is crazy, huh?

That's really silly that the doctor won't disclose the gender of her baby. If there was such a lawsuit, I can imagine that it would have been thrown out in court. If I were her, I would find a new doctor.

It can go both ways. I would suggest to your friend to get a private 3d ultrasound if she really wants to know. These are no medical ultrasounds that allow you to see everything.

Sheesh. People need to stop being so sue happy.

And it wouldn't hurt for people to not expect instant gratification on every thing they ask for. It's fun to find out and be surprised!

I'd just wait. there's still 20 more weeks left in which they could find out.

My BIL& his wife didn't find out at their first 20wk sono, so they paid for another sono to find out, then ended up needing to have another couple sonos near the end of the pregnancy due to complications. So that sono they paid for ended up being unnecessary.

Ask the dr/sono tech for a guess. and/or ask for a waiver.

lol, just another reason people need to stop suing over stupid $hit:( As if OBs don't already make stupid decisions out of fear of litigation, now gender guesses?!
There are places you can just pay for a quick ultrasound to check for gender. She could try that. BUT, know that ACOG and March of Dimes says that ultrasounds should only be done for medical reasons, that most women don't need them at all since we don't have any good studies on their safety, and that the out-of-medical-practice type places that just do them so you can have pictures aren't considered to be very safe.

I feel bad for the doctor. That is silly and sad that someond would sue over something the doctor has NO control over. I remember when I had my sonograms with all 3 babies. The doctor did say they could be wrong. The chances of them being wrong is such a tiny percentage. Those parents should of been grateful they had a healthy child.
I would put it in writing that you would not sue the doctor. If he still will not tell your cousin then I would chance doctors.

I've never had a the doctor tell me it was the ultrasound techs that told me.

That's crazy! Wow ... never heard of such a thing. She's not out of luck, though. There are 3D ultrasound places all over now, so she can just book one of those appointments (totally independent from the doctor) and find out.

wow... if that's the case, she should ask what the heart beat is and google what the chances are. From what I remember, a fast heart beat means a girl and a slower one means a boy. Either way, I would seek out another doctor.

I agree that it is a silly law suit, but here in America, I'm not surprised....I've been told by a good friend who is an OB that the "boutique" ultrasounds (not for medical reasons) are not safe b/c the people performing them may not have adequate training...I'd say that if she gets another ultrasound pay close attention maybe she'll see what she's having herself-we did for both of our children(three white lines is a girl)...AND if she wants to know for room decor, I suggest thinking about if they may want another child....if there is a possibility, I suggest going neutral...we did that with our first (girl) and barely had to buy anything for our second (boy)....in these times, every penny saved helps!!!!

Dear MOO,

Does she have the sonogram? If she can't tell, maybe the doc can't either. As long as the baby is healthy and your cousin is healthy, I would say the bummer is a waste of time. If she liked her doctor other then this issue, I would stay with him.

Blessings.....

It is kind of a bummer that they were not able to find out. Unfortunately, I can believe that some one has sued over it before. However, from my personal experience, I was excited just to be having a child, regardless of sex. It wasn't that big of a deal, not being able to find out the sex ahead of time. You just have to plan for either eventuality, like they used to before the use of sonograms. Sometimes, the not knowing will help build her anticipation for the birth. You're not just waiting for the baby, but you're waiting to find out what it will be, too.

In case you are wondering, we were unable to find out the sex, not because of the doctor, but because of the child. He was very shy and modest. ;-) At every sonogram he had his legs crossed or was in some position that did not allow you to see the sex.

yup, just have her tell the doctor she will sue him for not telling her!! jajaja, no seriously, it is her right to know everything, and it is the doc's obligation to tell her as well.
Of course rather that do the drama, I would just look for another patient.

Well my question would be, does she like the doctor other then this experience? When I got my ultrasound done the tech was not sure. After, I saw the docter and when he looked at the scans, he laughed and said, register for green. Ohh I was so frusterated, but I loved my doctor, and he simply didn't want to give me a wrong answer. Right after that appointment, my boyfriend and I went to an independent US place, paid 60 bucks, they got a clear picture right off the bat. It was definately a girl. =)
I don't think it was right that he said he will not tell her, instead he could have said he can't tell. If she liked her doctor, besides this upset, I would say keep him and have her go find out on her own. If this is just one more thing she is upset about with the doctor, then find a new one. Good Luck

My friend had a doctor like that too. He said for legal reasons he really wasn't aloud to say but he was pretty nice and then said "off the record...start buying lots of blue." So I guess it might just depend on the practice. Did she get a copy of the ultra sound pictures? Cause if she showed them to any young mommies that have had recent ultra sounds themselves it's pretty easy to see if it's a boy or girl and another mom would have that kinda trained eye.

I didn't read through everyone else's so I'm not sure if it was mentioned, but there is a urine test at WalGreens, and other stores I'm sure that can tell you the gender. I think it's like $20-$30 and is just as accurate as ultrasound and you can tell a lot earlier than 20 weeks. I also think it's crazy they won't tell you, or at least have a form you can sign saying you won't sue them, but this is an alternative if she doesn't want to get another ultrasound or switch docs.

What!? I would get a new dr. My kids are 9, 8 and 6 and you never heard this way back then. I would also be weary of a dr who is concerned of being sued over this. Plus I doubt a lawsuit would get far.

I haven't heard of this happening. One suggestion if she likes her doctor though is to go to one of those places that gives the 4d ultrasounds. A friend of mine went to one of those a few times during her last pregnancy.

I would ask for a "guess" so the Dr. won't feel pressured to be right. So many people are sue-happy these days, you really can't blame a dr. whose insurance premiums are probably over $100,000 a year. (OB-GYN's are at the top of the charts.)

With my last pregnancy I had to sign a paper at my first appointment stating wehter or not I wanted to know the sex of the baby and either way that unless I had a amnio, there was no guarenty that it would be 100% correct. Ultrasounds are not 100% acturate when it comes to determining sex. Also the baby may not have been in a position that allowed the doctor to determine the sex.

Mine didn't want to tell me either at that stage due to the same reasons (I'm sure they've been sued for being wrong and want to avoid that again).
She ended up telling me off the record and said she could be wrong b/c the baby was still so young in development.
She ended up being right.
I would tell your cousin to just wait (they have a reason for doing that) and she will know soon enough!
Hope that helps.

I did not read all the responses, however, I had to sign a waiver at my doctors office saying if they were wrong on the sex that I would not hold them resposible or sue. Maybe that is a possibility.?.

If the doctor is not positive on the sex and says what they believe it is and it is wrong they can get sued, lose and losing means losing thousdands over the sex of a child. If the baby did not give a good view maybe the doctor did not feel comfortable in saying what the sex was. I know many people that were told they couldn't be told because they couldn't see what it was. It happens all the time. Now if the doctor saw and still won't tell I'd be skeptical.

When I was pregnant with my first child, my doctor refused to tell me the sex of my baby. His reason was; he wanted to be sure of the sex before he made the big reveal. He did tell me when I was much further along and the determination of the sex was unmistakable. Maybe your cousin's OB/GYN will do the same when she gets further along. If he is a good Dr. otherwise, I would see no reason to switch. That's just my opinion...

No, I have never heard of this at the 20 week ultrasound. I had a 13.5 week ultrasound and they wouldn't say a WORD, but of course I didn't expect them to--I was just bugging them for a guess. But he sounds pretty stubborn. I mean, he should just say, "It looks like a whatever, but nothing is certain until birth." She can get an elective ultrasound somewhere but she would have to pay. I have heard they are like $65. Not sure if it is something worth switching docs over if she feels he is great in every other way. And now that she has had one ultrasound, I am not sure if insurance will pay for two since it would not be medically necessary now unless something appeared wrong with the baby. That is VERY frustrating. We hope find out the sex on Tues at our anatomy scan and I know we would be both ticked if the doc or tech refused. However, I know what to look for so they could just show me the goods and I'd know. If she was given any pictures, there are websites online that you post them on and experts will look for gender clues for free, but of course, you need a potty shot for that.

Find out if any colleges/universities near your cousin have ultrasound programs - they will do a cheap ultrasound for 'practice' and they can usually tell you the gender.

The Dr may not be telling cuz he isn't 100% sure.