Do your kids seems to have to readjust back to school, not just routines but reconnecting with friends or establishing new friendships or figuring out who are their friends. We go to private school and in the summer we don't see many of the kids whether it's just due to being busy, vacations, camps etc we try to arrange for the friends to see each other but it's far and few between. My son entered 3rd grade 2 weeks ago. He's a great kid, easy going, super smart, loves any sport(but extremely competitive) he will have friends tell me about them and seems everyone likes him but then he shares things with me about how he has a new friend now or he's not sure who likes him etc. I reminded him that who's birthday party did we just get invited too out of 3 classes of third graders he was one of several boys thst got invited and others didn't etc etc. that he obviously like you. I am Sad for him try to resume hi. That he's well liked but at the same time know he's having some insecurities and this is probably normal at this age and hard to really figure out who your friends are for the long haul. Maybe some kids find and keep friends right away. Can anyone relate? He's been separated from a few of his friends (different classes) and some boys he's been with since kindergarten who he calls his friend but I haven't seen any real friendship bonded , we've tried to arrange play date with those parents but they are always "too busy" we have biryhday parties and those same kids never come. It is normal to readjust not only to your new teacher, new routines but also friends?
Btw he loves school, and playing just seems he has some insecurities when he returns and anxiety. I want to help him get through this it seems once he warms back up (that is with any setting) he's fine. So just not sure if this is normal perhaps maybe for his personality. Since he's more introverted.
Thank you. I realize I have to back off. He says he met someone new I need to be excited for him I guess I see some kids instantly (or it seems) connected. Maybe I'm projecting my own insecurities anxiety on to him as I had a rough time in school.. I need to just continue loving him supporting encouraging and have fun. Thanks this reminded me I need to let go, not worry and be excited for him!
We moved to a different state, so my kids all started at a new school. So far so good! I was worried about my middle schooler, but he's fitting in well:) Give it some time!
It's normal. Friendships ebb and flow at this age, and a lot has to do with proximity. Who are the kids closest friends in elementary? Who's in the same classroom? Who plays soccer together? Scouts? Rides the same bus? Lives in the same neighborhood? etc, etc. Some kids are naturally good at reaching out and making plans with kids they aren't in close regular company with, but many are not, and it's not usually personal. This is a little young for kids to be making their own plans to get together (although it's great to encourage it!) I think it's more out of sight, out of mind. Parents, however, are sometimes the ones going to great lengths to keep or control good friendship bonds. This is awkward when one child is less interested than the other. And sometimes people really area busy and it's not personal at all. I think you should just try to allow him to enjoy whichever friends he gravitates towards each year. Sometimes long term bonds develop, a lot of times not. Even when parents control playdates and arrange time and sign ups together, it's still going to be up to the kids who sticks together in the long haul. It's going to depend on their own interests and personalities. By the time the kids reach high school, many will have gone to different schools, or in different directions anyway. I used to imagine my kids would at least know all the same friends from the time they are little, all the school years growing up, but someplace along the way I realized that's more my own "small town" experience.
Hi R.,
We send our DS to a private school as well which does lead to the consequence of rather highly structured social strategies. He started his freshman year of high school today but if I cast my mind back to that stage of his life, I can tell you that friendships, especially among the boys, tended to still be rather fluid. Now that mine's 15, he's got his BFFs but during that stage, he would hang out with one or two friends one day and then switch over to another one or two the next. There was nothing ugly about it, they all kind of mixed and matched depending on what pokemon card someone had or who had the cooler game or toy.
I think a little insecurity/anxiety would be considered normal for this age, especially if he introverted, as you state. I would only worry about it if it starts to impede him socially. For example, if he is invited to the party but refuses to go because of anxiety. I think that would be the time to intervene and have some conversations with him.
I hope this helpful and that you have a great day. Enjoy every moment with him as they are most definitely finite.
:-) S.
It depends on the kid. My older two were social butterflies so there was nothing different about summer except no classes. My third is autistic and my fourth likes books more than humans and so does her friends. Even those two went back fairly smoothly because school means interacting with humans and they seem to like it in the school setting. My daughter still hangs out online with her old friends but was pretty happy to have some new friends.
Is that what you were looking for?
I think it's normal and like anything else in life harder/takes longer for some kids than others. I know plenty of adults who get anxious during times of relocation/change, so of course it will be an adjustment for children too!
My daughter (11) is having trouble finding a friend in her class. She says she doesn't talk to anyone at lunch. My younger son (9) also has social issues, but he says he already has a new friend in his class. My older son (15) was socially inept until 4th grade, then he blossomed. Now in high school, he says he has his own "squad" at lunch. He seems really happy.
I agree that it is hard to get kids to socialize out of school. You are right, everyone is so busy these days. It sounds like your son is a well adjusted kid. I wish you well!
Love your name by the way. My daughter's middle name is Rose.
I think everyone is insecure....whatever their age...about new situations. And, they come up all the way through life so, to some degree, I think school transitions are a great way to practice managing those insecurities (some of the most self-confident adults I know came from military families...and the kids had to adjust to one community/school to another...sometimes with additional twist of international assignments.)
Our son is 14, and just starting high school, and he's feeling lost in a new school without knowing anyone. I'm so tempted each evening to ask him if he had anyone to eat lunch with, does he have a buddy, etc....but I know that I need to back off or I'll make him feel that there is something wrong with him if he doesn't have a buddy.
What I have done: Not hovered around him, but simply spent more time with him doing fun stuff. We made a family compact that every day we would have just fun together...not just eat dinner together, get chores done, do the obligatory stuff together..but outright fun. Tonight, we are making homemade ice cream, yesterday we had a sprinkler running through contest, tomorrow we're going to stop on the way home from school at the book store and just let him read comics.
IMHO, when they know that we are there, it makes everything better. It is hard to stand back and say: You have to experience this on your own and I can't made it better for you directly, but I think it is just a way of building kind of a social immunity which serves them well as they transition through other schools/jobs.
It seems to me that today's third grade is the hardest grade. Their minds open up into more cognitive abilities and they understand so much more about actual life. Plus third grade is the grade that most of their previous learning ties everything that is to come together. If they're low in one area it comes to the forefront in a hurry.
Socially it's hard, academically it's hard. Third grade stinks.
My kid had a new best friend every year through 3rd grade. It's really mostly about proximity in those grades, in my opinion. Now my older is in 5th, he's got 2 really good friends that he's kept for a few years. But still, he has other friends that come and go each year, depending on who is in his class.
I think this is common, but it might be hard during the transition time each year.
