Do Your Children Fight Each Other?

My kids do all day, every day (well the younger two who are boys, 5 & 7). My 13-year-old son sometimes fights with the 7 year old and my 13-year-old daughter will yell at the little guys.

Growing up, my older sister and I (two years apart) would have knock-down, drag out fights over clothes, hair accessories, art supplies, shoes. She once literally ripped a shirt off of me, tearing it from the shoulders LOL. My younger brothers also fought constantly.

My youngest girl is the boss of her big brother. They watch what she wants, they play what she wants, she kicks him out of her room whenever the mood strikes her. She is the baby and always gets her way if I dont step in. I've actually caught myself saying, "stop picking on your big brother!" He's big and plenty rough and tumble, but I've done such a good job instilling in him that he is to protect her and look out for her, that he doesn't dare lay a hand on her and just gives in to her. I have to stick up for him a lot, but sometimes he just has enough and does what he wants, then the screaming or crying starts and I have to regulate the situation. It's not just middles that are bossy. For mine, it's just a persnoality quirk I have to constanly correct.

My kids do not just fight...they knock down drag out...on the floor mom has to come in and pull them apart. And that is just when they are doing it for ''FUN''.

My middle and youngest think they are sumo wrestlers...Or something. And it is a constant thing all day long. They go in on my bed(because it is king size and very low to the floor...even still I have pillows along the sides in case one of the kids were to roll of the bed at night...because it is close to the walls on the sides)and will be doing drop kicks into each other.

Mind you the fighting real or for play does not last long...But It seems like every fifteen minutes I am having to go in and break them up.

Now when it is angry fighting. The yelling gets loud. It gets bad. And Normally one over the other ends up getting hurt. This is when things get messy...because I can never get the WHO started it out of any body. SO nine times out of ten, they all go into time out.

Last night it was over my oldest coming out and telling me my middle had been hit with a belt by my youngest.

When I went back to find out what had happened my middle guy told me Brody(my oldest)had been the one to hit him. I could believe this, because my youngest was in the same place I had seen him last...doing the same thing...watching Sprout....My oldest was the one acting guilty. So with process of elimination, my oldest was given the time out. Then the story from my middle guy starts to change..and the bottom falls out...I had punished the wrong kid...it turns out my middle kiddo was just being sensitive, that nothing really had happen. Brody had made him mad.

Er, so now mine is more of just a vent...I just wish that they could figure out the fighting for whatever reason is really pointless.

I think all siblings bicker. I also think there is a pecking order amond siblings. I don't think it has so much to do with age as it has to do with personality. Some are forceful and some are more passive. Some are more anxious and some are laid back. Some are more outspoken and some are more quiet.

Um.....ya. I thought all kids fought with their brother/sister?? ;)

The way she is acting to them is somehow also the way that she feels.

I bet you fought with you sister a lot more then you remember! They just wern't a big deal for the most part. My kids fight yes...Especially my "middle child"

My MIL once told me after having our third. She was/is a middle child. She would wake up in the morning and choose which brother she wanted to "torture" during the day and then she would have at it...Middle kids can have a lot of fun being in the middle. My middle son is quit the terror some days. My older and younger (five year difference) get along pretty well together.

My sister bullied me for about 16 years, culminating in her punching me in my face and giving me a black eye one day because she wanted to sit on my feet while I was laying down on the sofa. I asked her to move, and she wouldn't, so I started wiggling my toes to get her off. She punched me. That night we went to our high school's football game & the football coach (my math teacher) saw my black eye, asked what happened, and then promptly marched over to my sister and laid down the law to her. That was the last day she ever bullied me. We are now best friends.

Having one child makes things easy in this department.
Our son is SO happy to be an only child!
My sister and I fought pretty constantly till we grew up and moved away.
Knock down, pulling out the hair fights (we never punched but we kicked a lot).
And we still don't get along over long distance.
Some people (even siblings) are just not compatible.
So - establish rules that they don't have to like each other, but they have to be civil as they would be to any other stranger.
Everyone gets a day to choose what to watch on tv, and if it's not their day they have no say.

Just something to think about: You mention that she is a middle child and also has a step-sibling in that lineup. Is it possible that she has some classic middle child issues with feeling ignored or less valued because the youngest often gets more attention and/or the oldest gets more attention/has more activities/etc.? It's pretty normal for middle children to feel they are overlooked when there are older kids around who have more freedom or do more (or get more attention because they have more going on with schoolwork etc.), and there are younger kids around who get more attention just because they are the youngest, need more help, etc.

I'm not saying you DO give her less attention -- just that she may FEEL you and your husband give her less attention. Her perceptions are the whole world to her right now so you might want to go out of your way to do something with her alone on a regular basis, so she is not sharing all the adult time with one or more siblings. This also gives you a great chance, when she's calm and happy and has you to herself, to say, you know, your sisters love you and I know you love them, and to talk up how she is important to the family. That might make it easier next time she's being very bossy for you to intervent gently and ask her, for instance, to let her sisters watch TV because you have a special task just for her (like helping you make cookies or going to the store with just you).

The second possibility -- It seems from the post that the oldest child is the step-sibling. Not sure how the family formed but if your middle child was already old enough to know what was going on when the oldest child joined the family -- then your middle child once was the "oldest" and there may be resentment of the change there. But I don't know the order the kids entered the family or how long they've been together as siblings -- ignore this part if they've been together all of your middle child's life!

I have three girls also. #2 and #3 fought like cats and dogs literally for years. They are 2 years apart. It seemed to really ramp up about middle school and went on until they were 26 and 28! Silly me, I thought they could just get over it. They didn't until my husband and I finally stepped in and told our ADULT daughters enough was enough! Looking back, I think part of the problem was that #1 and #3 were "naughtier" in middle and high school and seemed to get attention with negative behavior. #2 always had great grades, was always on time and very organized, nice friends...the whole thing PERFECT. I think as parents we didn't recognize all the EXPECTED good in her, the naughty sisters got all the attention. Hmmmm....bad mama! Hindsight is 20/20! Thankfully they have worked things out and we as parents talked with #2 about the past and things are great now. My advice wuld be to step in as the adult in the situation betweenthem, look at what YOUR role might be in it and find some solutions NOW. All the best to you!

I think a lot of it is personality. We have boy, girl, boy. The youngest two usually get along great, but often when the oldest gets involved (either with both of them together or individually) they have a lot harder time getting along. He seems to always want his way and doesn't have the personal/negotiation skills his sister has. We have worked on it a lot over the years and we will continue, but I think a lot of it is just personality. We don't allow them to hurt each other, but there is a fair amount of squabbling.

I think Leigh has touched on the problem. The step-sister is 14, middle is 13 and youngest is 8 (from what I gather from your previous posts). I don't know when you and your husband got married but I am guessing he and his daughter moved into your house. Your 13 year old was the oldest for at least 5 years and was then usurped by someone who is almost her age. Also there are a ton of teenage hormones flying around her body which can cause seemingly irrational behaviour. If your youngest happened to gravitate toward your oldest once she moved in that could also have a negative affect on your middle.

If the blending of your family happened in the last couple of years then I would definitely think it is having a negative affect on your 13 year old - take her out shopping or to lunch and have a heart-to-heart with her and see if she even knows what is troubling her. Then you can discuss her behaviour and different ways she can handle her frustrations.

Good luck