Do You Say Hi to Other Moms When Volunteering? Have You Ever Been Ignored?

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I'm sorry you're having such a negative experience. I do think there are moms who see volunteering at their kids school as an extension of their own popularity in high school. Once you see it like that, you realize how sad it is (for them) that they're still stuck in that place, emotionally. There's so much more to life than making other people feel small. What a shame they can't see that.

Wow - I guess those moms are everywhere! While all the moms in my daughter's grade have been very welcoming, I've heard horror stories about the "tennis moms" in other grades at her school. Apparently some adult women never really leave their high school "mean girl" attitudes behind.

My advice is short and sweet: Lead by example. Yes, re-introduce yourself - and if ever you are in a room alone with one of the moms, talk to her, even if you are the one doing all the talking. We always try to tell our kids to be the kind of friend they would want to have - and I think we should take our own advice.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent!"

Ha, been there done that. Yes, just continue to be yourself. Say hello. Remind them who your child is and what class your child is in.. If they choose not to speak with you, whatever..

I just cannot imagine what these people think they are doing.. It is so rude..
Just keep on doing what you do.
It is like any other group working together.. there are those that are super nice.. there are those that are super shy and then there are those that are just rude..

I always try to meet each person and then introduce them to others.. I seek out the shy people and try to get them involved.. The more of "us" there are the less of "Them" there will be..

This has happened to me too. Some parents are super friendly at volunteer events and others are almost snooty about it. Like they are competing for the gold in the School Volunteer Olympics.

I have learned to shrug my shoulders or try to lighten the mood as best I can. After all, volunteering should be 80% fun and only 20% drudgery.

My husband and I have 5 years under our belts at our school. And so now we just plan our volunteering to coincide with the volunteering our other cool-parent-friends. That way, we can dodge the volunteer Nazis.

oh this happens all over.. even at my son's school, which is a small school so many of us parents have known each other since K.. that said.. some parents are still not friendly, this after I volunteered a lot and did many extra things for my son's class.. I think yes, some people just are not friendly, however, some are shy and some are just in their own world................. I have said hi over and over to some and even so, they still don't say hi back... Oh at first it so annoyed me.. but then I decided one day to just do my own thing.. It's not that I am no longer friendly, the difference is.. I no longer take those other parents personally.. it was hard at first because I know I put a lot of effort into my volunteering, however, with time, it no longer phases me. in a perfect world, I suppose all of us parents would get along and that would be great , esp for our kids sake.. however, I just know it's not going to happen.. Just do what you can, keep on smiling and don't allow people's behavior to change who you are.. .just because they aren't friendly, doesn't mean you aren't.. be you.... their loss if they don't get to know you..

I would speak and not even wait for them to speak back, speak and keep it moving. do not let thier issues become your issue and change what you would normally do.
make comments that do not require a comment back and see how they respond and if they do then engage in more conversation. some people may just have a lot that they are dealing with even though they should know to be cordial but you just dont know what people are dealing with.

Oh--these moms are EVERYWHERE. They are in the same, stupid "mean-girl clubs" they belonged to in high school! LOL
Remember the reasons you're there--to help out & be involved for your kids. Don't let the mean moms take that away from you!

Saying hello and not getting a response is just rude. Where I come from if or when people are rude like that you just repeat yourself in a slightly louder tone with emphasis, "I said Hello and a greeting deserves a proper response." See dealing with children even kids know and are taught to say hello when people greet them as for them not speaking to you once again that is just rude. You have a choice to either engage with them or not but don't worry about the opinions of others regarding this matter. Continue to be your friendly self when you can do that genuinely.

I hope this helps.

You know, it's a good idea to introduce people if you're not absolutely sure they know one another! I hope the teacher keeps thinking about that.

Never be afraid to be friendly. That's a flat-out statement, but since I'm pretty shy I have to talk to myself that way. Say hello! Smile! It's the bottom-line courteous thing to do.

But DON'T expect (much less demand) anything in return.

If you're not talked to, it might not have anything to do with you. Maybe that other mom is - like me - shy and uncertain. In addition, every woman carries burdens in her mind and heart that may never show on the outside. Most of the time when others ignore me, or even if they aren't very polite, I don't have anything to do with it - something else is going on and I just happen to be in the line of fire. Life is like that. It's that kind of planet.

So if some other mom has a problem with being sociable, let it stay her problem. You're at school to help the school. If your co-worker doesn't want to be friendly, then stick to business, but do it in a friendly way no matter what she does. Be the leader in this. If nothing else, you're modeling good, high-road social behavior for your children and their friends.

I say hi to everyone. Moms don't say hi back, no biggie. Moms don't want to "know me" today in school, fine. I never worry what a teacher might think, becasue they always know the "clicky moms" and it doesn't reflect on my work or interaction with the school, other moms or the kids. I know you say you don't care what they think, but you do. How could you not you are human. But you know why you are at the school, you shouldn't worry about teacher perception, if they ask why you and another mom didn't interact during a project just say, "I guess the other mom wasn't feeling social today".
Don't waste your time. If you asked yourself, would you want to be friends with these women outside of the school? If the answer is no, then don't make yourself nuts and take the higher road. good luck

I kind of have the same thing happen with me when I go to the library and the local family fun center -- all the moms are talking to eachother. I try to smile at them, look open to conversation, ask how old their kids are, etc. They won't talk to me! It's lonely being just me and my son - I want playdates and someone to hang out with. Do they look at my son and go "Don't want my boy playing with him!" and therefore ignore me?

I agree with you - that the mom's you're dealing with are childish. Sounds like they like their clique and don't want anyone else in their group. Maybe you don't dress as sylish as they do and so you're not worthy to talk to ?? LAME! Geez are they in high school? I wouldn't bother approaching them again. Say hi and be friendly, but you can't make people be nice to you, esp if they are set in their tight-knit group.

Wow, I just can't imagine why anyone would act this way. I mean, what's up, obviously this is not just a you thing since the teacher noticed it. From your post it totally sounds like the other mama has the issue, I wouldn't worry over it. You told the teacher the truth and that is it. I don't think a mom who volunteers faithfully could ever look weird to the teacher, good help is hard to come by!! It also sounds like the teacher is very comfortable with you as she asked you about this so I wouldn't worry and if it were me I wouldn't worry about a mom who made it clear she didn't want to talk to me. I can't waste my time chasing down someone who doesn't want to relate, just a wast of energy you know? I would be cordial, keep a pleasant attitude and just go about my business. Sorry some of them act this way, it is so rude! I think it is really great you are so involved in your child's education though and that is what will pay off in the long run:)

Yes, unfortunately there are such immature moms everywhere....and I ALWAYS take it personally even though I have volunteered for over 20 yrs in both private and public schools.

But, I get over it way quicker now, like instantly....You keep doing what you LOVE to do and you will eventually find another school mom that you just click with. Sometimes those type of moms are there b/c they're nosy and gossipy and want to know what's going with other kids, (BTW = wrong) etc. You sound like you are really there to help. Teachers will LOVE you.

Honestly, just BE YOURSELF. Smile and wave at them, but don't engage if they are that petty. Just steer clear of that nonsense and do what's best for your child.

Some people are just completely clueless and socially inept. If they only notice the more fashionable mothers and continue to not acknowledge you then don't bother to go out of your way, again. Go get the book Queenbee Moms and Kingpin Dads and you will find it quite entertaining.

i would just be yourself. if its in you to say hi and introduce yourself then do so but dont expect anything. i would say hi because its in me. but i would not press the issue because usually women like this bring along tons of drama. its totally weird they never grew up! keep helping with school. if a teacher asks about it just tell them you have met but we cant get along with everyone. or something along those lines. . . some ppl dont care for others, i suppose she had enough small talk for the day? you get the idea. good luck.

Most of the volunteers that I've met have been friendly. The moms that volunteer in my son's classroom probably know more about his behavior problems than I do, but they've always acted friendly and never said anything bad about him.
I volunteer in the library, not the classroom. We had a meeting at the beginning of the year to meet all the volunteers, and then there's a lunch at the end of the year. We wave hello if we pass each other in the hallways. The other volunteers and teachers talk to me when I first get there: good morning, how are your kids, how was your vacation, are you feeling better, etc. But once we get to work, we may be in opposite corners of the room. I try not to chat too much in front of the kids because it doesn't set a good example to be talking in the library. Sometimes the teachers, aides, and volunteers forget that the kids are listening to them gossip. In kindergarten , my son would come home and tell me details about somebody's surgery or the makeup they bought.

T., you've gotten a lot of good advice here, but I wanted to add my two cents as well. It seems like these women are really rude. I want you to consider another possibility, though. They are probably very insecure, and possibly very shy. The one who will interrupt a group to speak to one mom and ignore the rest obviously has very poor social skills. Maybe she actually doens't know any better.

I wouldn't worry at all about whether they like you, or why they don't. One bit of advice--people are attracted to people who appear confident. If they perceive you as intimidated, they will continue to bully. If they see you as confident, they'll want to get to know you better. What I would also do, is continue to be a good example to the kids. Next time you are working alone with one of these women, I suggest that you act as though talking to her is the most natural thing in the world. Obviously, don't talk so much as to disrupt the chlidrens' work. Just smile, say a few things about the task you are performing, and don't expect a response.

Whatever you do, don't look or act offended if you don't get a response. Just keep going as if you didn't notice. Either you will break the ice with a person who has a hard time opening up to someone new, or you'll demonstrate that you're the bigger person by being kind to someone who doesn't deserve your kindness. Either way, you win.

These women are not much more mature than middle school girls with their cliques, their appearances, whose "cool" whose not, etc....for them---middle school still lives on!

Very sad.

I have run into this before. I just go in, help the teachers, help the kids, etc....b/c I feel that my job as a volunteer is to help at the school, not try to advance my social position or to get caught up on gossip.
Yes, I know moms who volunteer b/c it keeps them connected to the gossip!!
Teachers and admin see right thru this. They love volunteers like you!!!
The kind that work. hang in there. You will meet others who have more in common with. They are there. And you can always invite another mom to join you in volunteering. Bring your own friend to school, if the "in" girls won't talk to you.
Good luck.

Looks like you have lots of good answers, but I thought I'd add my 2 cents. I think it's the age difference. I've noticed that the younger moms tend to band together and the older moms don't mix with them too much. I don't think of myself as "old" so it took me a while to figure out why I wasn't in their group. I realized I do the same thing - in organizations I'm in I tend to talk to people more my age or younger instead of the older women. I don't know why and it isn't intentional, but I recently noticed that about myself. So if I were you I would just assume that is the reason (so it's nothing you've done and nothing you can change) and be polite to them and move on.