Do You Know What It Feels like to Be a Mom to a Special Needs Child?

Amen, B.. I can't get over the audacity of these remarks I have read today. The one who after a whole thread went by, told everyone that it was "an experiment"?

And this last one - http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/4667968640187039745#re...
Just awful. A slap in the face to every mother here who has a special needs child. And the women who agreed with her because they haven't had to deal with it.

Every single one of the women who talk like this should live a month of the life of these families who have special needs children. It's a shame that they don't, or they would learn some serious humility.

B., I don't think these people CAN show respect. They HAVE NO respect for anyone but themselves.

Dawn

The next time there is a nasty, unhelpful rant, I hope no one responds to it.
Then maybe they will go somewhere else.

Not only is my son special needs but also we are a transracial family which draws more attention and ultimately more scrutiny. I used to obsess about comments but then realized what is important. My children are happy, fed, educated, and well cared for. And, I advocate for them both by getting them the necessary therapy and support they need. Everyday I focus on becoming a better parent aned question myself-but I don't do that for other people or because of their comments, I do it for my children. Hugs.

I had a horrid response to the post that was pulled....

thank you for posting this.

I am dealing with a mess...as some may have read from my earlier post....The peanut butter is cleaned up for today...but I know tomorrow could hold more fun things.

I have to remember this is his world...And I need to make it the best I can for him.

He was not blessed with the ability to read people. situations...or even peoples demeanor.

He was blessed with the ability to hug and love....To share. To be excited over the little things.

He sees beauty in everything. He tells me I am beautiful just cause he heard daddy say it.

I have to say my life has been enriched having him in it. I dont think having my last be cake walk would have worked for me...God knew I needed something to keep me grounded as my kids get older.

I am having to worker harder now then I ever have.

I have to try and be smarter them him....cause he is tricky and clever.

I feel bad when he gets up first...because he never starts off slow...If I am not up for at least an hour before him I just know the day will be rough.

Everytime someone gives me parenting tips when he is screaming and beating me over the head while trying to shop...I just roll my eyes and say ''oh yes thank you''..I have just gotten to the point I should not have to explain my self or his actions.

He should not have to wear a shirt that says..''Sorry for my bad behavior I have SPD, ODD and HFA....So my mom is struggling really hard right now to even keep from crying''...

and to the moms who think those ''Labels'' are just bogus diagnose's and excuses for us to be LAZY....BRING IT ON...CAUSE THERE IS RARELY A DAY I GET TO SIT FOR MORE THEN FIVE MINUTES. RARELY A DAY I HAVE NOT HAD HIM SWING AT ME AT LEAST ONCE. RARELY A DAY I DONT HAVE TO YELL AT HIM FOR THE SAME THING SIX TIMES.

I didnt do anything to create this...it is just how it is...Dont call me lazy or say I am not doing a good job. Because I bet you would fall down and start sobbing fifteen minutes into the average day at my house.

B....Thank you for posting this question. There have been so many times I just sat shaking my head cause people just dont get it. They can be so hurtful.

Its like a bully making fun of someone for their frizzie hair...They can not control the way their hair grows from their head. Our kids can not control the extra's given to them in this life. We need to help them embrace themselves for who they are.

Oh B., I am so sorry that some of the people on here today have been so heartless. They are ignorant of what they are asking and do not even realize it.

Yes, I have an idea. My stepmoms sister has downs. She and her family have cared for her beautifully for all of these years. The sister is now in her late 40's, it shows how well cared for and adored she is. She functions a a 7 or 8 yr. old. level.

My husband has ADHD. When he was a boy he overheard his mother ask the DR.. "Is he retarded?" Can you imagine? My husband is brilliant. He can look at anything and tell you how and why it works. But he cannot remember trash day is on friday.. always has been even when he lived with his parents and he is now 50..

My Nephew is high functioning Autism.. Again quite brilliant and talented. He will never be able to say "I love you" and understand what it means to have the feeling of love. He has never told his family he loves them.

I have a very good friend who has a son who is now almost 30. He is under constant care in their home. He cannot speak, he has poor body control and cannot follow directions. But he loves to cuddle. Loves church, loves the sound of the church choir. His life expectancy is for another 30 years.

One thing I was told when I was in my 20's.. "Never judge another person. You have no idea how your own children or grandchildren will turn out."

"To be considered mature, one must first have empathy." I have known 5 year olds more mature than some of the moms that have been posting today.

I have a sister with Asperger's. She's 28 and my mom still wonders if it's her fault. She actually told me today that she wants me to have a C-section because she thinks my sister's Asperger's may have been a result of her difficult delivery. (I don't personally believe that, but I see why she questions it.)

My sister lives with me now, (long story) and it's going really well, but I am having a really hard time with being judged and hearing other people's opinions on how I should be handling her. There is no way that anybody who hasn't been in my situation could ever possibly even begin to understand what it's like. But apparently it doesn't matter that they have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. They still think that they know what's best! They love giving their ignorant opinions, but where are they when she has meltdowns and I have to stay up all night with her? They're at home, asleep, dreaming about how much better they are than everyone else.

I love this site because I love the different opinions, but you're right - sometimes it seems like some people just like to bash others. I don't see how that's helpful, but I have had to just keep reminding myself not to let them get to me. They don't understand.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to vent a little - I needed it, lol! :-)

Apparently, this may not be the best site for empathy.
The same type of people ware probably the same ones that have a "hard time" with banning peanut products!
I have friends with special needs kids and I do respect them!
Thanks for pointing this out. Good point.

And as for the contingent here who seem to think they are the "self appointed sheriffs of Mampedia" by reiterating the rules of what YOU "may and may not" do--ignore them. They identify themselves with simple ignorance. Don't ya just love it when people hide behind the flag to hide their flaws?

B., all I can say is <hugs> to you. The haters on this site are just like the ones in real life, unhappy people taking out their frustrations on everyone else.

Don't let the bastards get you down...

What I find interesting posting here is posts like this. It is as if you think that anyone who isn't all sunshine and daisies must not have a special needs kid. My son has so many letters behind his diagnosis they had to reuse a few. I will be the first one responding with it isn't as bad as you think. I have made a fair few suck it up posts.

I have ADD all my children have ADD, except Andy, he gets the rest of the alphabet. You would be hard pressed to prove either of the older kids have any disorders. I raised them to be productive, not victims. Andy cannot wait till high school because me pushing him has allowed him to be able to go to the same high school as his older brother. A high school that will offer him no support what so ever.

I may be the worst mom on the earth, I may be the best though I would imagine I fall somewhere in the middle. So long as my children thrive I am okay with any judgement anyone wants to pass on me. I do not expect respect because I gave birth to a special needs child and accepted that responsibility as all good mothers do.

B....I raised 4 children...one from my husbands first marriage and 3 from our marriage...none of them have special needs...not in the way you are saying it...but I can tell you that I am SURE there have been times when people have looked at me and thought "lady...can't you PLEASE control that child???"!!! I can tell you that I did the very best that I could..just like I am sure YOU are doing the very best you can do!! Try not to worry about what other people say...if they say something that is hurtful to your child...then of course you need to explain to your child that not all people are kind or thoughtful...and that you are sorry that their feelings were hurt. Just keep on doing what you doing...and as my Mom used to tell me "consider the source" when someone says or does something that is hurtful or unkind. If it helps....look at them smile...and think to yourself "Wow it must suck to be YOU honey!"
The most important thing you have is your childs love...that is the most precious gift you can ever receive!!
God bless you both

Geez, I don't KNOW what's gotten into everyone tonight! Is there a full moon?

Don't let it get to you, B..

The more you've been challenged as a parent, the more strength you have. Be glad and proud you (and many other moms here like you) have more strength than most of us!

:)

I agree that this site has gone down the tubes. I've been on here a long time too, since it was mamasource. Back then you asked a question and got helpful answers. Now this site has become eveyone's soapbox. Mothers lash out at other moms, put down their parenting styles, call each other lazy etc.

Then there are the people who use this site as their daily diary. Updating us on their vacation or their latest fight with their husband. Seriously, it makes me what to delete my account. But I stick around for the occasional good question, or an occasional chance to help out another mom.

I'm sorry that some nasty person out there made you feel put down. I admire mom's of special needs children. You have a harder job than you get credit for. Good luck!

B., I have to take it as not bashing but simply stating their opinion albeit misguided and so far from the adage of "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all." That said, I wish they live close to me so I can drop my kid at their house for them to fix. SIGH*... maybe then I can build a shrine to honor them.

All moms of "special needs children" have a place in heaven.

Amen, and yes, I get it.

Please don't let a few spoil the entire experience for you. There are so many wonderful parents here. They make it worth it most of the time.

<<hugs>>

I have two neurotypical children, one of whom is Oppositionally Defiant. Makes for fun times when it comes to chores and homework.

I have a child with Autism who has related disorders "covered" under the umbrella of her ASD: Sensory Processing Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, OCD, ODD, Sleep Wake Cycle Disorder, global learning delays, global social delays, ADD, Social Anxiety, Separation Anxiety, and so much more I could fill pages. She also has some serious health issues including Seizure Disorder, Migraine Disorder, Lactose Intolerance, additional food sensitivities... again I could go on.

EDIT: I did just see the ignorant rant being referred to in the OP just before it was pulled. Piece. Of. Work. I edited out some of what I said because I wrote it before seeing what Elaina wrote, and it wasn't helpful to the OP. It came off as condescending since it looked like I didn't know what I was talking about. My apologies. I'd like to rephrase.

There are always ignorant people out there that come from very uninformed, uneducated positions. They would rather maintain their opinions and the illusion of being right than be confused with the facts. Until they do some actual research and meet/speak with the parents of the children who suffer with these afflictions, they obviously have no business making judgments but that doesn't stop people from pointing fingers. They have no credibility.

Those of us who live with special needs children don't just live WITH special needs children. We live and breathe their afflictions.

Yes, we need more support than the general public seems willing or able to offer, but this? isn't a great forum for that sort of support that we need. It's not a support group. We can't even make multiple replies in a thread effectively. I post here because there are a lot of intelligent women interested in learning and a lot of women who need help and I didn't have help like this when I was just starting with G. I didn't have someone I could pop onto some random message board and ask, hopefully, fearfully, a question about Autism to and get a trustworthy response. I want to be that for someone.

But that means a few bad apples. I know some people here think I'm one. I'm blunt, I don't always sugarcoat mainly because of the format and not having much space per thread. So I hope that some messages aren't being mistaken for mean and un-supportive for being blunt, curt, to the point, and sometimes not quite what the OP wanted to hear.

I do understand. I mostly worry about if the choices I made were the best choices for him. Keep on smiling and loving the challenge! Picture what your kiddo would be without his/her special needs and then realize that it just wouldn't be the same kid. :)
We are specially designed mommies, chosen for our unique ones very carefully by God (or the powers that may be for you). I sometimes worry too much about my kiddo and then I think, he just wouldn't be my baby if he weren't one in a million (literally). LOL
We do need more empathy. It takes work and education and more work on our parts and then when it gets easier, we can pat ourselves on the back for being the one person who hangs in there with the hardest moments. My son said to me this weekend, "I just don't know who I'd be without you". And THAT was enough to get me past the weird weekend moments we had. I'm with ya sister. Hang in there lovebug!
Stephy

Please do not let people who just do not know better (to say the least) get
to you. Those are the ones that could never do what you do every day. I
have lived through the comments about how I should discipline my child,
why doesn't she talk, and on and on. I learned to face life with lots of love,
a sense of humor (boy were there times I needed it) and confidence.
Have you ever read "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Kingsley. If not, google
it. Parents of "normal" kids should read it to find out what they are missing out on. Keep up the great work you are doing.

This site certainly has some harsh, self-centered, arrogant people doesn't it? There are a lot of people out there who do not understand what a huge impact a special needs child can have on your life. A few years ago, my neighbors had some friends over and those friends had a son with moderate to severe autism. Can you even believe that after those friends left, my neighbors complained to me about how spoiled and rude that child was. They even went as far to say, "If that child lived in our house, he wouldn't get away with any of that behavior." WHAT??? I couldn't believe my ears. Completely ignorant on their part.

Absolutely! I'm a mom to an amazing special needs boy:) I often feel that no one else gets it since I don't live near family and none of my friends truly get what I deal with and the expenses I fork out trying to help save my child from the grips of something that no expert in the world can tell me how he got or how to cure. I admit, I feel lonely at times when I take a step back and realize I have no real friends that actually truly want to know how to do anything in regards to my life so I can have a break. I rely solely on my husband and I feel horrible adding more burden on him.

I cannot necessarily relate, but I am sorry if you have feel judged by women on here. Some do take their lives all for granted.

I follow a wonderful blog of a mom who has a little girl with downs syndrome. She makes me smile every day and reminds me that life is wonderful. Please visit it, and go to the top where it says "start here if you are new". It tells the story of Nella, her daughter. She posts every 2 or 3 days and she is amazing at mothering a special needs child. I could only hope that I would be able to handle it like you and other mothers like Kelle.

kellehampton.com

I totally agree that people seem to sometimes lose their manners on here! I see even in non-special needs posts that people attack the poster and assume things of them that they really have no way of assuming and can be quite rude.

I try to always speak kindly - even if I speak boldly - but try to be respectful of people's feelings and hope I've never offended anyone!

As for special needs, my oldest is special needs. But it's health related (severe bone marrow failure, hearing impairment, speech impairment, and high cancer risk, among other things). So, I can't say that I get the same type of treatment or judgment that parents of ADHD or autism have to deal with.

I think regardless of who the person is - we should all try to offer respect and compassion for one another's life. None of us know what it's like to be someone else...

(((hugs)))

yep, I was a sibling to a child dying of cancer .... My mom was awesome tho, not a whiner.

Hi B.,
No, I have not kids with special needs, but I agree that there are moms out there who have not respect and consideration for moms and kids in your situation. I have been H. on this site long time also, like you when it used to be Mamasource, and I loved it. Things are different now, things changed and it seems that the site is larger now and with this there are more problems, the same when a small company grows.....more people, more stress, more inputs, more ideas, more of everything.
Even when I am not in your shoes, I don't think you did anything wrong as a parent, as a mom....It is just life, I guess...life is not always fair. I have a wonderful friend who has an autistic 6 year old-boy, and I admire her with all my heart. I know her days are very unpredictable and hard, and I was thinking even to ask H. on Mamapedia ideas about how to help her, how to support her and how to interact with this sweet little boy. It breaks my heart when I see her with tears on his eyes, so overwhelmed, so...I imagine the way you feel......My kids (11 and 5) both of them know the kid's problem and they are such sweet and cordial boys, they have opened their hearts to "play" in some way with him every time we see the family. I am very proud of them.......So.....believe me...there are many people out there compassionate, noble and willing to accept and respect your situation....look for them and enjoy their company..and ignore those who don't have heart.
AND..YES...YOU DESERVE A SPECIAL TREATMENT AND RESPECT.
God bless you and give you strength and hope every single day of yours.

YES! my son is bipolar/ADHD and not a day goes by when I don't pray to take this away from him. I hate having my 5 year old on so many meds to help keep him under control, but there's no other option. I get "slapped" in the face everyday and have even been told I should tell people my child is bipolar. I'm not ashamed of who he is God made him this way for a reason, and I'm happy to be the one who gets to be his mother.

B., don't let a few ignorant (you know who I'm talking about) fools turn you off to the hundreds of others who care. Like I posted on that question (again, you know the one I mean), I feel sorry for them. Not offended, not hurt, there's no reason for ME to feel like that. I KNOW my reality and don't have to prove anything to anyone. But I DO feel bad for those sorry idiots who have nothing better to do than spout off ridiculous rants. Don't let them get to you. Just keep doing what you're doing. And keep asking questions and answering them, because for the most part, people care, are accepting and appreciate your insight.

<3

An excellent point. My eldest does have a condition. I am lucky because it is not overtly severe. He's a wonderful child, and I am SO blessed. But I often wonder...is it my fault that he has this condition?

That said, I'd not change him for ANYTHING. I am blessed to have him. Blessed to be in his sphere of influence.

And I thank the creator for him every day.

I know what it feels like to be a sibling to a special needs child, so I can certainly empathize with moms of them, as it can very traumatic for the whole family.

I believe there should be more respect period. We should be here to support one another and not bash each other. You ask if I have any idea what it feels like to be a mom with a special need child. Yes and no. My daughter was always a little high strung and shy so in some ways she gave us a run for our money from the moment she was conceived. Her real problems didn't start until college where she was disgnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and became a cutter to deal with her anxiety. Last year she was hospitalized twice for her own protection. So yes I now understand what it is to be a parent of a special needs child. We all or at least most give our whole self to raising our children no matter if they are special needs or not. Everyone has different hurdles in their life to overcome so I try to always treat people with kindness. I don't know what it is like to walk in someone elses shoes only my own. Please don't let others get you down. As parents we can only do our best and no one can ask more from you then that. My daughter still has a very long road to recovery and she will never be 100% but the one thing I know for sure is I have always done my best and she knows she's loved.

B. I totally understand what you are going through. I have a wonderful 4 year old diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. I have been asked by another mom why he doesn't pedal his cycle or have a normal conversation in a snotty way. I didn't get that to me. Kee your hopes high and everytime my son says I love you so much it makes it all worth while. Good luck.

Yes B. I know. Respect is needed.

Yes, my 2 y/o daughter has Pierre Robin Syndrome and is Trach dependent since she was 3 weeks old along with many other health issues, surgerys, life has been so hard and its so easy for people to critizise without having any idea. We just try and keep positive :)

Very good point. :-) My ex mother in law's daughter was born blind because she had the measles when she was pregnant...and something else. Her daughter is my age, in the fourth decade, but her mom constantly blames herself for her daughter's disability. Her daughter went to a school for the blind, learned how to read, live on her own etc., and she even works at McDonald's. She's a great person indeed. But her mom feels so guilty, that she keeps her daughter there at home with her still to this day.

I don't have children with disabilities, but I sure am empathetic for the parents who do. Their lives are so busy with taking care of them. They are a lot busier than a parent with a child without a disability.

I have been on here since it was mamasource too. :-) I was gone for a while and came back when it turned into mamapedia. Reading questions and responses is so much different than hearing them face to face because you can't see the persons facial expressions, reactions, or tone of words. It's really hard sometimes to know a person(s) intentions when the words are written and not said. I am guilty of that myself with assumption of how someone else is intending their words. However, sometimes it is very clear on how someone wants you to read/hear what they say by the words/ and the way they say it.

Hope everyone has a great week!

My 3rd child raised eyebrows all her life, everywhere she went. Starting from the time when she was not even 2 years old yet. I had an RN daycare mom ask me why she isn't medicated. I was shocked and upset by her comments. People would ask us how we could handle her.

To us she was just funny, spirited, easily frustrated, often happy, hyper as the day is long, had strange eating habits, and lots of colds, ear infections, and skin problems. She was called ADHD by anyone that spent more than a few hours with her. We NEVER had her tested. We NEVER even considered it.

This is my child that just landed an entry level job with John Ashcrofts law group. She's an adult now and it was HARD. I had to go to bat for her often. I had to email the entire school board once when I was just fed up. I homeschooled her in the worst years. Yes, she was a big job. She was the job I signed on for. No one loves her more than me and her father is the only earthling that loves her as much as me.

So yes, I know what it's like to have a child that the world wants to drug into submission.

Hi B.,

I am sorry you have gone through some harsh judgement! I know where you are coming from. I have a child with special needs and its hard having to be judged everywhere we go! I just want to say, unless you have been in our shoes, you have no idea of how it really is. Hang in there B.!

M

Yes, I do. My daughter was born with gastroschisis; did not eat normally until about 6. Had 7 surgeries; lost part of her small intestine; had abnormal liver for a while. Did not poop normally for years.

We lived far from family & I didn't get a lot of support from neighbors. I had worked with men, so they called me for moral support but I had to rely on my husband and of course, the Lord.

My in-laws would drive up from out of state & try to do things with my baby like you would a normal baby (e.g., hold her upside down after a feeding, after I told them not to)...duh! They were in total denial. They mocked the therapy (which worked!). My mother was totally the opposite (she's gonna die!!) Well, she almost did twice. MIL would moan about her favorite granddaughter's minor probs & tell mine "you sure get a lot of attention" when we'd hold her down for something painful/uncomfortable. yada, yada, yada. [oh, my favorites -- that she didn't use the potty or toothbrush "on schedule" -- good grief! The therapist could barely get access to her mouth! She was IV and tube fed, for heaven's sake!!]

Now that my daughter is over her complications, she is fine, but I do feel empathy. I have since met a mom whose son is autistic. My daughter even babysat him!

Yes, there needs to be more respect on here -- we can disagree without being disagreeable!

I have 3 kids. My step dtr is 15 and moderately retard. So she is permanently disabled. My daughter is 12 tomorrow and is ADD. My son is almost 9 and is ADHD (currently still being eval by psych). So yes, I do know what its like. All 3 of my kids are completely different and need different things from me. Every day seems like *something* is an issue. And yes, I feel like moms of "typical" kids just don't *get* it. So I know a few parents with spec needs kids and we bond together as we understand what its like day to day when no one else seems to.

I see the other question was pulled. I didn't agree with the way it was said, but there are some disorders I don't believe are truly "disorders" but yet more of a nurture vs. nature thing.

However, I have the utmost sympathy for parents of children who truly have special needs and empathy of some sort because I do have a child with Celiac disease and another with severe asthma and controlling both of these and the myriad of symptoms that come with each problem can be challenging at times.

I hope I wasn't insensitive to say that yes, there are some things I don't believe in. My youngest is a very, VERY challenging child...and possibly one that in a few years, would be labelled with ADHD, ADD, or any number of other things. However, I will not have her evaluated for these things and will continue to raise her with love, structure, etc, and do my best.

I know I'm CERTAINLY not a perfect mother, am sure I have contributed to some of the behavior issues my youngest has, and I know that we all try.

And since the other one was pulled, I'll just add that I've been diagnosed with too many things as a child, teen, and adult. I finally quit dealing with the system as a whole, after I had a doctor explain to me that "I am who I am, nothing's going to change it, and I'd be happier accepting it and finding a way to live with it." I am, it's not, I am, and I have. :)

HI B. - I know what it's like. My son is about to turn 5 and I have heard "he's a handful." "he's outta control." 'you've got to do something with him." "get him medicated." "you need to have more structure/discipline/you're too easy/he's spoiled........." Most of this coming from my own parents who I thought I had eductated about my sons high functioning autism. On Sunday I had a meltdown of my own - I started teaching sunday school knowing my son would only go if me or my husband was there......my son was having an 'autistic day' and to those who don't understand and have NT children I got looks and comments about what he should/should not be doing.....many days (such as this one) I feel angry at the parents of NT children and jealous at times as they have children who mainly sit nicely and once in awhile have to deal with a 'challenge' - I cried to my husband "I get so mad when they tell me about their 'challenges' because they have no idea what a 'challenge' is - they have no idea what it's like and I feel so alone.'
Before I knew what was going on with my son I used to post questions about how to better deal with behavioral issues......so I took it and started reading countless books and couldn't figure out why NONE of that stuff worked despite whole-hearted attempts. I recently had a meeting with my sons teacher about how to better handle my son which is to highly praise the good and try to ignore the bad so I thought "this will be good education for my parents." So I was on the phone with my mom explaining and she seems to start to understand and at the end of the conversation ends, "that all sounds so positive but remember you've got to get that behavior under control........" Wow, guess that really didnt' work afterall - point was the behavior would start improving with this approach......that was Sunday also and was the last straw before my own breakdown. I feel alone - a lot - because no one seems to 'get it' and everyone feels or seems to feel we are just bad parents and have spoiled bratty kids. If any parents of NT (neuro typical) children are still reading this please try to take it to heart and keep it in mind......

I am sorry that you face judgement. I am a foster parent and don't have any kids of my "own". But I do have special needs foster kids (one of which I am in the process of adopting). I don't have the "what did I do?" feelings, because I didn't get to carry these kids inside me, but I do find myself thinking and saying "you have no idea what this is like" to people who constantly say things like "welcome to being a parent", or "I know exactly how you feel" when I struggle with my four year old who is barely verbal. They have no IDEA what it's like. NONE.

Yes I do! I have one myself. Have 3 therapists for my son and 2 for my daughter! Though I think my daughter will be graduating from hers soon! I think I may know what post you are talking about in particular and it was a really hurtful post! Somedays my son has a really good day and I think, Oh, why do I ever worry! But then a lot of other days it's like oh my gosh, how is he going to do in school? Will he ever be able to drive a car? Live on his own? I am right there with you! I wish some of these people could walk a mile in our shoes before they judge!

I think it is easy for people to judge on the internet. It is alot harder when you have to look that person in the face. I have recieved a few less than helpful responses myself, it is hard when people don't see your big picture. Yes we all need to have mopre respect for each other, and YES I do know what it is like to have a child with special needs. I know what it is like to spend long sleepless nights throwing my own pity party and stressing about the future, only to get up slap on a smile and do it all over again. I know what it is like to watch my son get frusterated by the lack of understanding from others and him to be so horribly sad and bitter at his world on bad days. I know what it is like to spend long hours on physical and occupational therapy and be thrilled over little things like doing buttons. I don't want special attention either but if anything this post has sure proved that there are ALOT of special needs mom's on this site. We all need to take a step back and be less harsh to one another, this job is hard enough...

Yes I know and it is not an easy road. I am sorry of people here have given you grief -- they may not have understood the issue - to give them the benefit of the doubt. I often speculate that people with "non-challenged" children are so lucky and will never understand what it means to have a special needs child. And wish they would appreciate what they have. Usually they don't!