Do You Just Sit Back and Watch?

Just stay out of it.

There are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who realize that change is necessary and so they change, those who realize that change is necessary and they still don't change, those who are oblivious as to what causes bring about certain effects. Sadly, for the oblivious ones, if you could hit their LIFE FAST FORWARD button...it will look the same in 5, 10, 20 years...

Don't respond AT ALL when they ask questions like that--they've already demonstrated that they're not looking for suggestions...it's their way of acknowledging the fact that they are aware but don't care.

We must be related!!! This is my younger sister! Magically, she lands on her feet! It is stressful and I lose sleep over some things. I try to sit back, but I love her too much to not help prevent the train wreck.

Many people in my immediate family's life probably think we are some sort of "snobs" or something..not that we are wealthy or that sort of stuff, but because they probably think we snub them. We decided a long time ago to gently remove TOXIC people from our lives as much as possible. With family members, that means purposeful distance, and we do alot of "umm hmm, really...thats too bad".

Its hard..but...ugh.

Good luck...remember to breathe!

Just back away and watch from afar. You can't fix stupid.

I don't talk with my sister much anymore because of this.
She'll do ABC with the results of XYZ and then complain or wail over why things go not the way she wanted.
ANY suggestion that ABC is the CAUSE of XYZ means I'm judging her and suddenly she gets to dump blame on me for her bad choices and now I'm the bad guy.
Then the cycle starts up all over again.
The very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting that somehow things will magically go differently and you'll all live happily ever after.
I stepped off her merry go round years ago and she's still moaning and groaning about her troubles.
I have ceased to care - her troubles are all self inflicted.
You have to realize some people ENJOY being miserable - they are not happy unless they have something to complain about - they do not feel alive unless they are living a drama/tragedy on a daily basis.
I think it needs to be defined as a disease - Drama Queen Syndrome (it should fall under attention seeking personality disorders) - and we need to start up a foundation whose purpose is to stamp it out.

I figured out after a few years that life is way less stressful if I quit worrying about my family. It was hard at first, but I have been so much happier ever since, and you will be, too! I have a family of my own to take care of and I won't let anyone else's stresses get in the way (I have enough of my own, as do we all).

BUTT OUT!!!
for your own sanity, woman!
khairete
S.

when they ask you "Where did we go wrong?" turn it around on them and ask "where do you think you went wrong?".......make them think

otherwise *try* to let it go, for your sake at least

My brother, 26, has a girlfriend that is a bit tough to take. She is snotty, selfrighteous, and has an all around "I am better than you" attitude. It is really hard to have a conversation with her. But, when peope ask me about her I say, "she makes my brother happy."
She is not my life partner, so I have to step out of the picture. They don't care what my opinion is.
I say you keep doing what you are doing and butting out. Unless it's something dangerous you really can't do a damn thing. Hard as it is.
L.

As long as it doesn't directly affect me, I just listen. If they ask my opinion, I give it honestly and I don't sugarcoat anything. If they ask where they went wrong, tell them. Don't validate bad behavior with silence.

If you find yourself getting too caught up, distance yourself from the drama for awhile. Try to remember it's not your problem. Easier said than done.

I just sit back and watch. If you are asked "where did I go wrong"? I would ask them if they are really asking for your your advice and do they want it. If they do, I would be completely honest in what you are seeing them doing wrong.

If they continually do the same thing wrong over and over again and continue to still ask for your advice, then I'd decline and politley tell them you have already given them your opinion.

Some people just like drama and attention in their lives and don't want to really solve the problem.

I used to try to talk with them to let them know what I'm seeing but I was rarely appreciated. Now, when they something like, where did I go wrong?' I ask if they'd like some ideas from me. Sometimes they say yes and sometimes they say no.

I've made some mistakes and i wish someone had yelled, STOP and see where that's heading. lol

I have been around people that do not have anything to talk about unless they can be dramatic and talk about their terrible life. I know one lady who dramatizes her misfortune to such a great extent all the time so all the attention is on her. I don't think she intentionally makes bad choices but she likes her soap opera life. If a person does not see anything wrong they are not going to change. I don't want to be involved in her soap opera life since I have plenty of issues myself. I am just not willing to give her the drama she likes so she does not tell me about a lot of stuff. Thank goodness :)

I tell them the truth when they say "where did we go wrong" but I do also sit back and watch.

I think its best to not give your personal advice per say. But what you can do when they ask you, is recommend counseling & keep praying for them.

I tried to help at first.
Then I figured out they never listened and never changed.
I was tired of wasting my time listending to their problems and giving advice.
Once or twice....yes. But when you see they just won't change.....don't waste your breath, change the subject when they start to talk about it or walk out of the room. NOT your job to save every person on this planet. Try? Yes....after the 5th time or so? No.

Unfortunately sometimes you do just have to sit back and watch unless the advice is solicted. It's hard! But you said the children aren't in any danger...Maybe you can lead by example??? They'll see that your kids are thriving and begin to watch what you're doing and may even ask how you're doing it. Hang in there!

I'm currently in therapy because I tried to help an immediate family member, and it backfired. After years of being pulled into the drama, I decided for my own sanity, I needed to distance myself for a while. I haven't directly communicated with that person and a couple of others for a few months, except when needed (like when a tornado hit in our area, and we wanted them to know we were okay). I've let the home phone go to the answering machine, and I've deleted any emails sent to me. I think it's working. According to my sister, the person who's caused the most issues is starting to realize how much he's affecting everyone else. With the help of my therapist, I'll start interacting with the others again, but for now, I'm focusing on my babies and my husband, which is what I should have been doing from the beginning.

I get this with my "neighbor friend" who doesn't really have a single ounce of common sense in her head. Her son is out of control disrespectful to her and she refuses to acknowledge that it's because of the parade of men she's had in his life and that his father abandoned them before he was born. He has no male role models in his life except for my husband although he's in Boy Scouts. She puts her boyfriend above him and her family constantly, and makes lousy choices in men. She's reaping the results of early childhood poor parenting now that he's nearly 12.

So when she asks me what's wrong, she's actually asking me how to fix her kid when what she should be asking me is how she should adjust her parenting and her living examples. I offer her suggestions and she ignores them. So I sit back and watch her self-destruct while her kid runs slipshod all over her. And yet she's amazed that he treats me with absolute respect.

You can't control what others do. And even if you do tell them the truth about how to fix their problems, they probably won't listen. Life is too short to worry about things & people you can't control. I would put some space between myself & that person/those people, personally.

At times I just sit back and thank God it isn't me. Is that wrong? Some people, when they ask, I will give an honest answer, but normally I just nod and smile and keep my distance. After all, how many times can you pick up the pieces of someone else's disaster?

Hubby and I sit back and enjoy our happy life and talk behind their backs about how stupid they are and we have a good laugh about it and we're happy its not us! LOL!!!

It's very very hard. I've been around a friend who yelled at her kids and said some harsh stuff... like wouldn't let her daughter (16) stay and graduate at her school (they moved a little bit away) because she said her daughter would just f*ck the whole football team if she wasn't there (fricken harsh). It depends on who they are really and how they take things if you can be like do you really wanna know where you went wrong. With her 16 (now 18) year old we are close and when that happened I just talked to her on the phone and tried to reassure her she wasn't some hoe. It's so frustrating, but if you feel the kids are belittled or anything, maybe you can just talk to the kids and form a relationship with them so they can at least vent.