Do You Have a "Backup"?

Updated on January 24, 2012
M.A. asks from Put in Bay, OH
23 answers

Hi everyone! I was so sick that I had to stay in bed for a few days. With my husband working after hours I find it really difficult to take care of my little boy (1 yr and 4 mo). This made me wonder...do you have a backup for this kind of unpredicted situations? I cannot rely on my mother as she is also sick. I would like to know how do you make it when things go rough...Thank you!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

I am a SAHM.
I have no back up.
If I am sick, then I still just have to go on with the show.
I have 2 kids, and it has been this way since they were born.
The only time I had back up, was after I had come home from the hospital, because I had had c-sections with both my kids.

1 mom found this helpful

C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

Nope, I would be incredibly desperate to call my husband at work to come home. I have have MANY white knucle days/nights here.

My son is getting almost old enough to help me with more things so those days of raging migraine diaper changes are a faint memories. I've made some interesting dinners and allowed WAY more tv than normal but ya do what ya gotta do to get thru.

SOOOOO glad I only have one child, NO IDEA how those other moms/dads handle more than one.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I suffer! (not ideal)

At one point when he was an infant, I had him strapped into his carseat for 3 days in the bathroom with me while I had food poisoning. When you have no one to help, you figure out the best you can.

I thank god for the invention of TV when I'm sick. My son and I curl up on the couch and have marathons. One of my altime favorites was the Pink Panther Marathon. No... it's not normal life. It's getting by while sick / "sick-rules". You do what you have to.

MOST PEOPLE, though, will take a day or more off work to take care of their child while their spouse was sick, or at least work half days so their spouse can get some sleep. Some people are hourly and can't, my husband was salary and could have... he was just a class A jerk.

2 moms found this helpful

C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

We are very lucky in our situation. Hubby works weekends so Mon-Thurs if I am sick - he's there already. If he's sick - I can take the day off. On a weekend when he's working, we have both parents as we live 25 mins from my parents and 15 minutes from my husband's parent. In addition - I have three sister in laws and four girlfriends I could rely on to help if need be. I feel very blessed!

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N.C.

answers from Dallas on

Sadly No:(

My husband is gone 3+ weeks a month and I have 3 kids. I just suffer through. There is lots of messes made and lots of Tv watching. But we all survive. I was hospitalized in August after having my last baby. My husband was off for a month and stayed home with the kids while I stayed in the hospital alone. He left back for work the day after I got out. I am very proud of how hard he works for our family and the things he does for us, but there are days that I just cry for him to come home.
I do wish on an almost daily basis I had the support that some people have.:)

1 mom found this helpful

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

I don't really have a backup, but if I needed to, I do have a few babysitters I could call on who would help me out--but it would cost a fortune!!

My mom came to help when I had babies 2 & 3, but she lives 400 miles away, so it only works out when we know months in advance ;)

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

No backup here either. :( You just have to push through it. I know, it sucks. Hope you feel better soon!

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C.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I loved your responses! My DH could be if he chooses to. I take off when kids are sick, have an apt ect. Suffer when I feel bad-Suggestion would be to make sure your house is child proof buy a playyard and lay on the couch-hope you feel better

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R.S.

answers from San Antonio on

My husband and I both got the flu and my brother had to drive in from out of town, so he and his wife could take our children. We were really really sick.

But nope...no back up...I spent many a sick day watching and caring for small children...

Now I have some neighbors I could call..but I sure do wish I had them back then.

D.S.

answers from Columbus on

No backup here either, my family is in another country so unless is something planed or that it will be long term that justifies the expense and the travel time, I just “deal with it” best I can. On one occasion when my I had some sort of stomach virus, I just had to put my toddler in his crib and let him cry; I really couldn’t watch him and he was safer in his crib than wondering around.
I confess I do feel bitter sometimes about it because I work from home, so when my husband gets sick, I’m here to take care of things and make sure the kids don’t bother him so he can rest; but when I get sick, he can never take the time off to take care of me and help with the kids. Same goes when the kids get sick, I can always call my boss and take the time to take them to their pediatrician or whatever is needed, but my husband always has “important appointments” that he can’t cancel. He always asks me if I want his dad to help, but because he has several health issues that can get complicated easily, I never want him around when I know I can get him sick.
Good luck to you, all I can recommend is for you to improvise to do whatever you can; it may have to be T.V. day all day, frozen meals or even placing him in his crib or playpen for a little longer than usual if he’s safer there.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

DH and I take turns if DS is sick and can't go to school. We are each other's back up. Fortunately in 6 years we have never all been sick at the same time (too sick to take care of DS that is - of course we have all had colds).

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J.D.

answers from Cincinnati on

I was lucky to have a sitter who could take him and she didn't drive so she was always home. I either dropped him off and went home or if it was the pukes, then the husband had to do it. My family is only 10 mins away but both parents still work so that wouldn't work. Now that our sitter passed away, my husband will have to step up and get our son from school on those days.

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

If my hubby can't take off, either my MIL or FIL will usually come help. They not only took care of ME when I had bacterial pnemonia, but they took care of my daycare kids who where all one year old at the time. They are rockstars!

A.G.

answers from Houston on

Nope.....my mom and my husbands mom are both gone (as well as our dads) My grandparents are both gone and my husbands are too elderly for me to expect them to come around me sick, or hold the brunt of anything difficult. My other family is also dead or lives far away. I have a very busy brother and a very irresponsible brother and my friends are either too single to care or too married to be able to help. My husband works 25 days of the month( days and nights he is gone). When i get overwhelmed i get over it, when i get sick i trudge through it miserably.

Its all on me.

Im actually concerned with how things will go once i have to be in the hospital delivering my baby (im 8 months pregnant) Hopefully my husband will be able to come to town in time (we are cutting it real close because we actually HAVE to)

My oldest daughter (almost 9) is becoming a big help as of recently

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J.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

No backup for us either :(

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

No backup, really. If I am very very sick, my husband takes the day off of work. Sometimes, my mother can come help, but she works during the week. It's miserable, right?

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J.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

Not really, it's so hard because our good friends have a young son who is really asthmatic and we try to keep him away from potentially getting a cold. The parents drop in on us from time to time if we are sick and help or whatever. I don't know what the solution is, it's genuinely one of the hardest parts of being a SAHP!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I have 2 friends who could help out with DD in a dire situation.

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Well, I'm a stay at home mom, so when I get sick it's just me, unless I am super crazy sick and totally unable to function at all, then my husband will stay home to take care of everything if he is able. I usually camp out on the couch, make lots of little prepared and easy snacks throughout the day that are easy to serve/make and have on a lot of kid movies. I know it's not the best thing for kids to do, but sometimes it's the best I can do.

Also, having a good friend or neighbor can be helpful. In any case, it may be a good idea to have a sitter service on back up.

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

no backup here... if hubby misses work, cancer patients don't get their meds, so obviously that can't happen :( i've handled 3 kids the day after knee surgery(youngest was 5 months old), i have left the hospital after getting meds for severe pregnancy hyperemesis and come right home so hubby could get to work... i'm a SAHM and our nearest family is 9 hours away, i just have to suck it up and carry on...

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Never had any back up. I still remember nursing little ones while I had a burning fever and was throwing up. I just did my best to keep them in bed with me and make sure I had diapers and snacks/drinks nearby, and the TV on :(

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

No back up--nearest relative is 2.5 hrs away. I suppose if I was hospitalized we could make arrangements for the kids to stay at my IL's. But just an everyday sickness, stomach bug or whatever I plop the kids in front of the TV and bare through it. Check the clock every minute hoping it moves faster, and when the hubby comes home I check out....

Just went through this preggo with my 3rd. I thought really hard about calling the hubby and asking him to come home for one day. In reality tho' I wouldn't have rested any better, I'd hear the kids they'd come whining to ask me anyway. also any additional time off would be taken away from when my 3rd comes, so I'm trying to reserve keeping the hubby home for extreme cases.

there has only been one time where I asked him to come home I had the stomach flu, after taking care of everyone else. If I wasn't already so exhausted from being up 4 nights in a row, I would have just plowed through it, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I felt it was horribly dangerous for, at the time, my 3yr old and 18 month old. I made it until noon, and said I just couldn't do it anymore. He came home early and I needed it.

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S.M.

answers from Cincinnati on

no back up here. If I get sick, I am screwed!! All our family lives away from us. My husband works like 70 hours a week but in certain dire situations he could probably take a day off. I would probably have to beg him though!

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