Do You Get up in the Morning with Your Jr. High Kid?

Hello!

Yes - I get up with BOTH of my boys - sophomore and and 8th grade. They flipped schedules.

Since we have a puppy now, I get up and let him out. I eat breakfast with them...even if it's just a piece of toast.

My 8th grader has to be at the bus stop at 0640.
My 10th grader has to be at the bus stop at 740.

I get up because they are important to me. I want them to know they matter and getting up with them, in my opinion, shows them that.

I still get up with my 12th grader. (I also have a 7th grader). I typically empty the dishwasher, put a load of laundry in the washer and complete any other household chores. After she is out the door my youngest is getting ready and I ride my exercise bike or do the elliptical. I usually get in about 40 minutes. After she leaves I finish my workout, eat and shower. Then I go and take a nap. Not kidding either😊

My mother got up and made me breakfast and lunch all through HS and I plan to do the same for my kids. I appreciated it then and now that science shows kids aren't wired to be getting up so early when they hit preteen/teen years, the extra sleep I can give my kids by helping them in the mornings seems worth it. I do think it shows solidarity too. Everyone has to get up and get ready for the day... I really wish they'd make school start later though!

I always get up and send my kids out the door. My oldest son is 17. He has a car, a license, a job and a bank account. His morning routine often involves driving himself to Starbucks for an early coffee or tea before driving to school. Does he "need" me to be up in the morning? No, but it's nice to have that time in the morning, even if it's just a minute or two to check in on his plans for the day and wish him a good day.

I know some families have their kids start the day on their own, and each family does what works for them, but to me, that would be a lonely and sad way to start the day. I can see that happening in families where parents have to leave for work before their kids leave for school (and the kids are too old for a morning sitter) but to just stay in bed? Not for me.

I do get up with him and drop him at school and give a hug and an "I love you" and I treasure every second of it. The day will come, all too soon, that the hustle and bustle of the mornings will be over and I will miss it like crazy.

I am home these days, so I get up - I have two right now in junior high.

I get my kids to do their own lunches, while I oversee. It's more of help out around home thing (I could make it for them, I have time). Right now I'm still making the sandwiches just because they're still getting into hang of things.

It takes me forever to wake up and so I use this time to just make sure they are up, getting ready and this is when I have my coffee. Today one is going over to another house for a birthday party after school and had I not got up, the note would have been forgotten I'm sure.

Even though they act like they don't need me, I know they appreciate that I am there. I still send them off with a kiss although they hate it :)

Well I work FT (always have and will) and my boy is only six, but I'm positive I'll always get up with him as long as he's in school. Of course I can't imagine him independent yet but I know it'll come. But I couldn't not give a hug, kiss and well wishes for the day! Nothing against moms who don't at all, I just know how I am. I say loves and hugs to my family (who are just my friends) so I'm definitely always going to to my boy. Plus I think even if they're more independent and responsible, nothing feels better than having mom's love and support before starting your day. I was lucky enough to have a mom like that too.

My dad got up with me every single morning of junior high and high school. It's something I will always treasure as a fond memory. He'd have a cup of coffee, sit in the kitchen, sometimes put away a few dishes or tidy up, and he'd either make breakfast for me if I was in a hurry, or at least do little things like get the milk out of the fridge. It was a nice time to chat.

I got up with my son, even though he was completely independent. I'd try to do something small to be helpful, and I'd use that time for doing little tasks such as unloading the dishwasher, or cutting up vegetables to be used later.

Just stay available. I'd encourage you to not sit on the couch and watch, but to do something active, to do something kind for your son like offering to take his cereal bowl and put it in the dishwasher. Don't make this time a time for reminders, for the to-do list. Talk about current events, something funny you saw on the internet, the football game that's coming up, etc. or just listen to him and encourage him.

My children are in elementary school but I can tell you that my parents both got up and were getting themselves ready while I did in middle and high school. I think that by you being awake and present, even if you aren't "helping", it sends a clear signal that getting ready for school is important and being on time is important.

Good luck

What works for different families will always be different.
That said, since you asked what "we" (other families) do, here's what I do:

My kids are 9th grade and 12th grade. This year, my senior son drives them both to school every day. No bus this year. They set their own alarms and get up on their own and get their showers, make their own breakfasts (if they are so inclined, sometimes they don't want to eat, or grab something for in the car or after they get to school before classes start).
Yes, I still get up. I set my own alarm (not quite as early as they set theirs). It has happened (once this year--our kids have been back for a month already) that one fell back asleep after his alarm went off (sister was in the shower and he laid down to wait for her to get out, and fell back asleep. She didn't notice he wasn't up when she got out of the shower, went in her room to dress/get ready, and had no idea he wasn't up also). So, I get up to be sure no one else oversleeps and that they are ready to go and get to school without son having to exceed the speed limit.

I also like to see them off, tell them to have a good day, that I love them, etc. As teens, they are not always receptive to this sort of thing. But, I don't care. I'm their mother, and it will be one of those constants that they will have as long as they live in our home. That stability is something that they will always carry with them.

It's also sort of an unspoken rule in our house that you tell people bye. I'm by no means a fatalist, or paranoid. But, if something should happen while they are away at school (or work, or with friends, or whatever), I want to have told them I love them that day. The day is coming (quite soon for our eldest) when he will live elsewhere. And I won't even SEE him every day. I am taking full advantage of telling him I love him every single day until then.
We are giving him his wings, and watching him learn to fly. But I tell him I love him before he flops out of the nest every morning, too. :)

Do what works for you and your family. If you need your sleep, then when they are able, let them go it on their own. If you can manage getting up to see them off, then do, if you enjoy it. You can still make their lunch the night before, if you are so inclined, and get up in the morning to say, "Have a great day, good luck on your test, I love you!"

I like your nickname. :-)

I am out the door before my DH and DS arise from slumber. They collaborate with each other in the morning. DH cooks them both breakfast and throws some snacks and a water in a bag (DS buys lunch at school). DS knows how to cook breakfast and does so for himself on the weekends. I am in charge of the PMs so I don't have much of a say re: the mornings. They are a good team though and I feel my son is, at 14 and in 8th grade, sufficiently independent. In fact, we've begun having him home alone on the days he's off from school and we're working. He's proven himself capable and trust worthy. It's so nice not to have to worry about covering that going forward.

But! I digress. Yes starting middle school can be emotional and somewhat overwhelming. He'll get through it. Encourage his independence and pat yourself on the back for a good job done on both your parts. :-) S.

one additional comment. I do call home to speak to them and send hugs and kisses over the phone as well as wishing them both good days. can't quite get started without the sound of their voices. :-)

that engine you hear is the one that powers my helicopter.

Yes, I always got up with my kids. I wanted to make sure they knew I cared and wanted to send them off with a positive attitude. Also, I would eat breakfast with them. Start the day out right.

7th grader...I get up.
He'd be late AND eat a Hershey bar for breakfast! Lol
And the puppy gets up EARLY anyway.

I think if he needed to do it alone? He probably could.
I'm sure your 13 year old will nail it when the time comes!

Each kid is so different, so best to think about what your son needs and not what others do.

My 16 yo son is super social and really likes my company, as I do his, so when I can I am in the kitchen putting things together for him.

Honestly, the time flies...I now have one child who is a high performance competitive athlete and I'm out the door with her at 5:30am, meaning we're up at 500am and I miss those breakfast's with my son. They are over forever and he's not even off to university.

I stopped "getting up" with my kids when they were in high school. I was up and around the house, but I didn't get them out of bed or make them breakfast - they had to do that on their own. If they wanted a cold lunch, they packed their own. I kind of used that last couple of years of school as "practice" for moving out on their own. I was always in the wings if something went wrong :)

Right now, because I still have younger kids that I am making breakfast for, my senior can "order" breakfast the night before - that just means he has to tell me if I should make double of whatever I am making for his brother.

I didn't start this until high school - junior high seems a little young for doing it on his own (but only you can judge that).

Good luck and congrats on having a kid that gets his own self going in the morning!

I'm a "getter upper". And I think I always would be, even if I didn't work. I never had to get up to an alarm (oldest of 4) until I moved out. Mine is almost 9 and I just can't see a day when I wouldn't want to be there.

On the other hand, my niece is the same age and her mother prefers to fight with her because she "just won't get up" to the alarm clock she makes her use. smh. Imagine, an 8 year old not responsible enough to wake up to an alarm clock and get herself ready for bed.

So you see it takes all kinds.

I only have my daughter, now 20 and a junior in college.

I always got up with her throughout her entire schooling through 12th grade. Some mornings were better than others but overall, I did it because I knew the day would come when she moved out.. (She moved out August of 2013) and that part of my life would be complete.

I used the time to chat or just be around if she needed something. Also, she only rode the bus through 5th grade. So I did drop off/pick up every day until she got her license and drove herself to school (10th - 12th grades)

Typically she got dropped off extra early or stayed extra late because she was in cheer and it took up a lot of time before and after school. That schedule never changed and even when she drove herself, she left extra early and usually stayed at school until 5 or so practicing.

It is hard learning the ropes when moving from elementary and going on up the ladder at school. My daughter's Sr high school had about 3000 and that was only grades 11 and 12. Each high school (grades 9-10) had about 2000. We have 3 Senior high schools in our district and daughter's was the smallest of the 3.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. You just do what works for your family!

My kids are almost 16 and almost 13. I have been really lucky with them always getting up on their own, I have never had to fight to get them up. So my high schooler has to get the bus at 6:40 so she has always gotten up on her own, had breakfast and left to catch the bus. She has never missed it. I make both their lunches the night before and put them in the fridge and both kids make their own breakfasts.

So my daughter is gone at 6:30 and my son and I don't get up until 7-730. My son also did the same as my daughter, on his own, until we moved him mid year last year to a charter school that doesn't have bus service. So now I do have to get up and take him to school...darn it...lol. I do miss the days I could just sleep in and get up at my leisure but no big deal.

I think all kids are different. I know some kids that are my kids ages that couldn't do that on their own in the mornings without someone prompting them thru every step or making sure they are up so they don't miss the bus. So I think you need to do what works for your family, we are all different.

I am up because I'm up. Not to supervise them.

I don't fix breakfast due to them eating at school. Otherwise I start laundry and stuff.

Yes, we all got up at a similar time. Even in HS, my DH would wake up by 6 to shoo SD out of the house if she needed to catch the bus. They were in charge of getting up, but nobody in this household is an early bird by nature. They made their own breakfast and lunch (unless they were super late and needed help). So it was more being available and "have a nice day" than anything. If I recall, my mom was always up with us, too. Partially b/c she had to work and partially to chase me out if the house with something for breakfast. In HS both the stepkids rode a bus or caught a ride and didn't need us. In middle school, the school start time was convenient for us to drop them off, so we often did, just to be nice. If they were not ready when we left for work, they were on their own (walking) to get to school.

It also sounds to me like you spend some important QT with him, so I'd enjoy the time you have while you have it.

Yes, I got up with them at that age.

My kids are in elementary school, but I wake them up in the morning, go back to bed, and then get up 5 minutes before the bus comes to see them out the door. There have been days where I've slept through the alarm and they are perfectly fine getting themselves up, ready, and on the bus - but I feel parental guilt if I don't at attempt to wave them off.

I get up at six each day to help get the kids ready for school and myself ready for work. It honestly never occurred to me to not help them get ready, although my oldest (who's in junior high) has some brain disorders that make it hard for him to focus and stay on task. I can't see him handling the morning routine on his own in the foreseeable future.

when my brother was taking the bus (only a semester for drivers ed, we went to private school and had no busses) he was the only one up at that time. he got ready and walked to the bus stop about an hour before mom got outta bed to get me up. once my brother had a car mom would leave for work about half an hour before we did. and when i finally was driving myself she had been working for about an hour before i was getting ready for school. so i don't think you need to but if the routine works for you don't change it.

I had to get up to go to work.