Do You Care If a Waiter/waitress Says This to You?

I don't usually pay too much mind to what the waiter or waitress says, but recently we were at a Claim Jumper and the my daughter ordered and the waitress said, "Yea, that's my dog's favorite too". I about spit my water.

you should have picked the plate up and licked it =) Kidding=) I think some people are J. bad with small talk.
I'd feel awkward too..almost judged but I think the above, that some people are socially unaware and thats their attemp at trying

I would feel kinda off put....

However, I hate it more when they ask if I need them to bring me change or sometimes just DO NOT bring the change and assume its their tip

Some places want the servers to speak to the guest each time they are at the table, sometimes things like that are what comes to mind. I am sorry, but having been in ALL areas including management of a few restaurants it's just "one of those things" that happens, if you have not spent 8hrs trying to talk to people and please them - begging for a decent tip - trying to make interactions different then it may seem odd to you. There are days when you just go on "auto pilot" and I think that is when things like that come out. Typically a smart response back will help wake them up so to speak.

I've never had that, but I hate when a server asks me if I'm still "working on that." Makes me feel like I'm a dog with a big bone or something.

I think if someone congratulated me on cleaning my plate, I might say, "thank you for noticing. Do I get some sort of reward?"

Some servers don't know how to chit-chat properly. I'd write it off to that, or think of a clever come-back. Servers are some of the most mistreated people on the planet. I work at a restaurant and I've seen sweet servers in tears over stupid/mean things customers have said to them. It shocks me how mean people can be.

I was a waitress for 8 years and NEVER said anything like that to anyone older than the age of 10.

it is a little off-putting, i agree. but i also feel for the servers (having been one for years) who are trying to be warm and personable with everyone, and not all of 'em have particularly honed empathetic skills.
i myself prefer professionalism over friendliness if i have to choose (and honestly, i don't, do i?) i don't like being referred to as 'you guys', but i appear to have lost that battle. when i was younger i was fine with 'hon' and 'sweetie', now that i'm older i find it awkward when it's coming from a 20 year old. but not actually offensive.
the only thing that really frosts my nuggets is overt rudeness, hostility or neglect. i get downright pissy if i need a drink refill and my server is standing nearby texting. or if they deliberately avoid my glance as they keep walking by, leaving my empty plate and conspicuously placed debit card. or train their bored glance a foot over my head while they mumble a clearly memorized greeting and whirl off before i have a chance to ask a question or give my drink order.
i don't get offended by a server trying to make a pleasant connection and not quite getting it right. but in the situation you describe i'd always be annoyed at myself for thinking of just the right humorous retort 15 minutes later. 'no, i hated it, but the starving kids in india whom i keep in my purse just LOVED it!'
;) khairete
S.

They are just trying to be friendly and cute but it is a little awkward, I agree. I think though what is worse is that once we were at Applebees with my then 18 month old son. My husband ordered his burger rare, it came well done. We didn't have time to wait for them to cook another burger since it was crowded and took a long time to get the first one and our son would not sit for that long. He ate the burger but did complain. The manager did not charge us for it but when the server came to clean up he said "I guess you liked it enough to eat the whole thing!". Now that was rude.

I have never had a server say anything like that to my husband or me, but some have made those comments to my children, ages 10 and 5.

I did though have a waiter follow us out of a restaurant (pizza hut) and demand a tip with the comment "if you cant afford a tip then you shouldnt eat out", my husband was furious. He then walked right back in and asked for a manager. Needless to say we got our whole meal refunded. The service we received was horrible, wrong food, wrong drinks and he was just plain out rude. I usually type 20% put we of course found that he did not deceive a dime. Oh and he was fired that night as well, as we were not the only ones he did this to.

It's just talk. Ive often said (I have bartended since I was 21), "looks like you hated it". It's just another way of asking if you enjoyed your meal. I wouldn't take it so personally. Not everything one person says or does is a directed at your (the proverbial you) character.

Also, with the ma'am thing...its a preference. Some say manners but not everyone wants to be called ma'am anymore. I wasn't raised to call anyone that so it doesn't come natural to me.

Just enjoy your meal out and the fact that you received prompt, attentive, polite service. That can be a rarity these days.

And for the record, the things I've had said TO me as a bartender/server, far outweigh ANYTHING I've ever said to a guest/customer.

Interesting to read the responses: if someone had said "that's my dog's favorite too", at THAT particular restaurant especially, I would take it as a joke and would have laughed out loud. I don't mind being called "sweety" at all unless it's said with a mean or sarcastic tone. It's usually just a cultural thing, or her wanting to acknowledge you but knowing she's not on a name by name basis, so "sweety" is what she came up with. It wouldn't bother me in the least.

That said, if someone made a comment like I don't need a box, I'd just say "That was really good" because it's partly small talk, partly asking for a compliment. They WANT to know if the food is good or if you have comments, so they can take that into consideration to making meals people will enjoy (many restaurants are hurting in the current economy). But if they embarrassed me with a comment about eating too much or "wow you did good" and I was in a mood to take it wrong, you could answer "Um, yeah--I made a happy plate" and share a little laugh about it with who you're with...the waitress should be able to hear from that comment that she was talking to you (unintentionally I'm sure) like a child, laugh, and then correct her verbage.

Once for Mother's Day I took my mom to a restaurant she'd always wanted to try and she loved it, and ate every bite. I motioned for the check and the waitress came to ask if we wanted a box and then laughed out loud as she turned and saw mom's "clean" plate. She said "Wow you must have been hungry" and mom laughed (in shock) and said "So you DON'T want a tip tonight?" and we laughed. She gasped and said "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry" and we just laughed it off. She did get her full tip of course, but I sometimes joke about that incident, a few years later.

I can honestly say I don't think I have received these comments, I am not sure I would take offense to them unless I was heavy. That doesn't mean you aren't right in feeling the way you do, it seems odd that anyone would use that verbiage with the exception of the "you must have liked your food". That one seems to make sense to me.

The worst thing said to me by a water was "Are you happy now?" I was totally ticked! Then he came back with what seemed to be a genuine smile and after we actually stayed (believe it or not) and I realized it was a cultural thing. He had a bit of broken English and did not present his words quite right. Good thing I didn't flip out. = )

I think when someone makes these kind of remarks they really don't know how it comes off. I used to frequent a restaurant where one waitress made these type of remarks, she was in her late 40's/early 50's. One day she said something and it hit a nerve for some reason, and I politely said, "Oh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to leave something on the plate?" (We both being from the generation that was always told to clean our plates.) She got flustered and blushed deep red, and never said anything like that again : )

It's just small talk I think.
Usually at the end of the meal when the waitress asks if there's anything else we want my husband always asks for an ambulance to drive him home. I always tell him I think that's offensive, but I've never had a waiter or waitress not chuckle at him for saying it and they usually have a smart alec reply as well.
So, no, I dont think it's rude of them to comment on your cleaned up meal, they are just giving you the opportunity to say "yep, we liked it enough to eat it all up".

I served for a few years in college, and remember being told the proper way to ask about the meal. Like not to ask, "how was it?" That implies you expect there to be a problem with it.

I would be taken aback if that was said to me. I am overweight (thanks, PCOS) and although I often don't eat everything on my plate, I give a lot to my girls and even to my husband.

The worst comment recently came from a hostess at a Macaroni Grill. My husband and I finally had a date night (after 6 months). She asked how many, and I replied, "2." She asked if I was sure. I was infactic that it was only 2. She replied again, "Are you sure." I was so confused. I sat down with my husband, and said to him, "I think she thought I was pregnant." His reply, "Umm, yeah." The best part, she was an older, overweight gal, too.

wow, i am now totally scared to go to work sunday night. i have been a waitress forever and i know i have sometimes offended people so let me put my 2 cents in. i dont think i have ever said that to an adult but i am absolutely certain there was no condescension in the question. like many have said, we are trying to ascertain if the meal was liked or trying to be slightly friendly. i have commented on someone being a member of the 'clean plate club' because i thought it was funny and found that most men think its funny and most women think its offensive... (wont get into the psychology of that).
i love waiting tables but i am not a very social person so it is always a little uncomfortable to know what to say. the joy of waiting tables is good money, you only interact with an individual (table) for a short time and you rarely take your work home with you. also very flexible schedules.
please dont be offended by your server with that or most other comments. we are dealing with people we have never known and believe it or not are trying to make their dining experience pleasant.

It's strange.
While visiting my Mom we went to a restaurant where the waitress kept calling us both 'Sweetie' and it was just so condescending.
I had a hard time keeping my Mom from telling her to shove it.
There's nothing wrong with a respectful 'Ma'am'.

RED LOBSTER!!!

They just did that to US this weekend. It's super weird. We couldn't tell if the waiter was flirting with one/both of us, wanted to be friends, or was truly interested in our long term eating habits.

It was creepy, but we just figured it was some behavior correction - i.e. "Tim, you never talk to the customers. You need to talk more. Be friendly."

But it'll keep you on your toes!

what i don't like when I am going out is when the server asks you how things are going, like every 10 minutes! Seriously I am usually trying to have a conversation with my husband and I don't like being interupted every 10 minutes. I also tend to have alot of bad luck eating out. I seem to always be being brought the wrong drink or they forget the appetizer.

I'm with you. Sounds inappropriate. Almost "parental" with the "you did real good" one. Definitely a no-no.

I have never had a server say any of those things to me, though.

I think the intention is just to try to be friendly and personable to hopefully get a better tip. Some people don't realize making comments about how another person has eaten can be perceived as rude. I'd probably give him a look, but not be offended.

I think it would be odd, but a lot of serving staff are teens/college kids who are just trying to be friendly and make small talk about the meal. I have never heard anyone say that to us though.

I was at an ethnic restaurant while largely pregnant and I was feeling very nauseous and wasn't eating very much. The wait staff kept coming around and asking why I wouldn't eat their food, did I not like it and such... it got really annoying, we won't ever go back, even though I knew they were just trying to be nice. When I got up to go throw up, they kept bugging my husband about it too!

As a former server/bartender...not sure I eve said anything like that to anyone. And if I didn't it was not meant to be hurtful. If someone said it to me I would crack a joke back. But really it's about them wanting to be friendly and maybe the jokes worked on someone else and so they keep using it.

By far customers are far more rude than that! I could tell lots of stories that would would just blow your mind. I've had a guy guy grab my arm like I was his child and drag me over to my boss...to tell him that I didn't refill his tea in a timely manner...(guess I should have known the tea was out and I had to make more)...He promptly was given his bill by the owner and literally tossed out of the place.

I'm not offended, especially if they ask if we liked it! If I ordered something new, it isn't "safe to say I liked it". Plus, servers are often asked for their opinions about dishes and they are probably trying to get a feel for how diners like certain items. Lots of times I've asked for an opinion and the server will tell me if it's a well liked item.

They are also trying to be friendly - everyone has their own manner of speaking, and tone of voice is important. Some people like to joke around or tease as part of being friendly. Anyone that is outright rude...well, I'll complain about that! But I don't feel like comments about whether I like my dinner is rude at all.

I think they can leave their comments about my appetite to themselves. LOL

We went out to celebrate putting together our daughter wooden play structure and ordered nachos this weekend and the waitress said that same thing at Applebes .... I was turned off and after we left my hubs said he was as well. There were other rude things done, including tossing a plastic cup for our daughter on the table and making my husband fish for a straw from her pocket (she told him to). Luckily the red juice cup lid stayed on or we would have left right then and there. Not impressed at all.

yep, keep your opnions to yourself about my food eating.

I waited tables for years and never would have considered saying something like that. Most people finished their dinners. No big deal!

Depending on how it was said, maybe? But likely not enough to say anything about it unless I felt she was really patronizing. If you continually get it at a particular restaurant or chain, consider writing a quick email to corporate and saying, "I've noticed...while it might be a training tip, it's coming off as weird to be said to adults..."

As a waitress, I can see why you were put off but it is her just trying to be friendly/attentive, as is saying "how is everything?' etc that people have mentioned, if we didn't check on customers, they'd be mad. We can't win!

My favorite-- which is dumb but my sisters and I still quote this because it was hilarious to us at the time:

Two of my sisters and I were out to eat for dinner when I was a teenager. I had just been served a Calzone at Louise's, a chain-y italian restaurant. A waiter walks by (I don't even think it was OUR waiter) and says "WHAT is THAT????".. I reply "um... a calzone?" and he goes "Well that's a HECKUVA Calzone if that's what it is!"

First of all, thanks for making a 17 year old feeling like a fat cow for ordering the calzone. Second of all, you work in an italian restaurant, do you not know what the calzones look like?

To this day we say "That's a HECKUVA Calzone if thats what it is!" to make fun of big portions, or any time we drive by a Louise's.

Where to eat? I have never had a waiter say anything like that!