Do I Need to Take My Daughter to a Family Therapist?

No she's normal and extra obnoxious because she has to behave at school all day long and when she gets home she is finally able to let go and not behave. Happens all the time. My 5 yr old granddaughter usually spends a hour a day before dinner being extremely upset and disagreeable.

I would suggest keeping things simple if possible. Make that transition time easier by doing things she likes. Around here we do craft projects or watch a movie and eat popcorn. It gives her time to regroup herself and get over the day.

Sounds like a totally typical 3 year old to me - as they gain their independence more and more, they test their limits and new found confidence.

Having a little playmate at school is pretty typical too and learning how to navigate social dynamics. Sometimes a little friend can be a little too active, but teachers are trained and experienced in dealing with this. You should trust her teacher. Teachers have to separate kids and redirect at that age constantly.

As for your daughter being disrespectful though - just nip that in the bud. You can teach consequences. I never did time outs so much as I ignored bad behavior and rewarded good behavior. So if my preschool age kids were misbehaving or unkind, or rude - then I'd say "When you use your kind voice, or stop shrieking, or ask nicely, or whatever I wanted them to do... you can come back and join me for the rest of the story/have your lunch/join us playing ball" etc.

If they were really tired/cranky/hungry had gone too far, that's the only time I gave them time to themselves just to get it together or gave them a hug. I tried to head that off. Three year olds get out of whack quite a lot because they go go go .. and once they start school they get tired out from long morning/afternoon or days.

So some of that is moodiness/crankiness/just long day. Just keep rewarding the behaviors you like to see. I don't think it's because you are pregnant (I didn't notice that when I was pregnant in any case).

It sounds pretty typical to me. Preschoolers are just learning to manage themselves in a group situation, and they don’t know where the boundaries are. It’s the primary job of a preschool teacher to help kids learn the rules and how to keep their hands to themselves. A preschool director friend used to tell parents who were pushing academics (teach 3 year olds to write and to memorize the state capitals, for example) that the purpose of preschool is “to teach them to separate from Mom/Dad, sit in a circle, and negotiate their own space.” Period.

So, this boy is fascinated by your daughter, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and she doesn’t know much more. Normal. You can talk to your daughter until you’re blue in the face in the evenings and on weekends, but nothing will be more effective than the teacher intervening at the moment the problem occurs. I can’t see how a therapist would help at all.

I wouldn’t discount that your daughter is picking up cues from you about your pregnancy. You’re tired, you’ve probably just about had it, right? You’re probably talking to her about the baby to come, and she knows, even on her level, that things are going to change. That’s a bit unsettling.

Moreover, she’s just learning about preschool, and the newness has worn off and she’s getting the idea that this is all the time. It’s only November and she’s got a lot of maturing to do. She’s learning to listen to a 2nd person and to separate from you. Sometimes that ticks kids off and they become disrespectful. She’s also hearing the mouths of other kids, who are picking up all kinds of things from their older siblings, so she’s going to bring home some gems from now through 12th grade. (Wait until she gets on the school bus with some third graders!)

I think you can talk to the teachers or ask for an email about what sorts of phrases they use to get your daughter (and all the kids) to comply, and consider using some of the same language. That way, kids learn that this isn’t “Miss Laura being mean” or “Mommy being mean” but rather “just the way things are.”

I also am concerned that you have no idea what to do. Try some parenting classes and get some great help from experienced parents and teachers/trainers. You can get some infant/toddler first aid, which is very valuable, and learn about the different stages in child development. You will really benefit from being more confident in your parenting philosophy and strategies, and in learning how to prioritize what’s urgent and what’s just an annoying and frustrating phase.

Good luck in these next few weeks – wishing you an easy delivery.

No. She's only three. She sounds fine. Make sure to give her one-on-one special time, when you can.

I found "What to Expect the Toddler Years" and "What to Expect at Preschool" books to be very helpful with insights on the age group.
You tell her she needs to work on listening to her teacher and not be distracted by her friends at school.
Also - they all need to learn about keeping their hands to themselves.
In preschool this is all a work in progress.

They all bring home some undesirable behaviors from school.
They try out new words - pick up cuss words from friends at school (sometimes from their friends parents) and try acting like their friends, etc.
It's your job to tell her - we don't act/talk like that.
What your friends do at their home has nothing to do with what we do at our home.
For awhile our son had permission to say a word if he was asking if it was a bad word so we could tell him if it was or not - the system worked great for us.

At this point - no therapist.
Maybe later.
Parenting classes might be a bigger help right now.
All kids overwhelm us at times but they depend on us to get over that and find out how to handle it.
Parenting classes will give you tools and techniques to handle things we never had to think about before.

N.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

Why do you feel you need to take your three year old to a therapist? I don't get this. It sounds more like you need parenting classes so you know how to set boundaries and rules without caving.

YOU are the parent. YOU are the one who models the behavior you want her to be. When she doesn't follow the rules? You put her in time out and correct her. At the age of three? You need to KEEP IT SIMPLE and clear. Easy to understand. She can't understand a five minute dialog.

You tell her how she is behave. You tell her the consequences of her NOT behaving and follow through each and every time she does NOT behave as you have told her to.

Even in a grocery store - if she throws a fit and you tell her you will leave if she doesn't behave? She misbehaves? You leave the store. You take your cart to the front, tell the manager you will be back and you take her to the car and put her in time out. She will know you are serious when you follow through.

You need to meet with the teachers at school and out what is going on. If you need to see if there is another classroom she can go to so that they don't have to keep separating them.

Good luck!

I absolutely agree with the mom who says you should look into parenting classes. I know being pregnant, you have a full plate. But if you think she's giving you a hard time now, wait until the baby gets here and she's having to share you,

If I were you, I would tell the teacher that you would like them separated more often because the boy's physical presence with your daughter bothers you. She should respect that. My boys didn't act like that with girls, and girls didn't act like that with my boys. I did a lot of observing in my kids' daycares, and I didn't see that kind of behavior. You should ask for this to be curtailed.

You also need to understand how to handle your daughter at home. Parenting classes would help with that. Talk to your pediatrician and get some referrals.

Well 1st off show your daughter that you love her and that you care and about the boy thing when she gets disrespectful talk to her calmley