Do I Just Suck It Up?

I would tell him point blank that you do not enjoy going out with these people and since you have done so recently you would rather not do so again so soon. If he would like to go without you so you can stay home w/ the kids or have them over for dinner (not drinks) you would be fine with it. Explain that if you absolutely must go with him for drinks, tell him that you want to wait until after holidays due to the added expense of a babysitter.

I just received this quote in my email today:

truly alive-“ living to please was exhausting.
she had to leave their expectations behind.
listening to her heart, she followed.
following her heart, she danced.
and she began to feel truly alive. ”~terri st. cloud

Nope, be done with it. I agree w/ the moms who said send hubby on his own and explain that you are just beyond drinking to get drunk and frankly, don't enjoy their company all that much. Why waste any more time/money on them? ;)

IMO he doesn't need to let the friendship go, BUT he does need to consider your feelings too. My husband has a friend that is just like that but if he wants to hang out with him, I stay home wth the kids while they have a guys night out at the local sports bar. We save our money for when he and I want a date and pay a babysitter. I think Julie B has an excellent idea and is what my DH and I have done.

Every once in awhile, meet them for drinks AFTER you 2 have your date.

Make sure you remind him that you have been very supportive of the friendship by going out with them when they invite you guys and that now he needs to show you the same courtesy.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with telling your husband that your don't like these people and really would rather not waste your time and money hanging out with them, but if HE wants to meet them for drinks you would be happy to hang out at home with the kids. This is exactly what I do when I just don't wanna go. Just because your husband is friends with the guy doesn't mean YOU have to be friends with him (or his GF). And there's no law that says you HAVE to join your husband whenever he goes out with his friend. I say send him out with his buddy and stay home. Put the kids to bed early and give yourself a nice little mani-pedi. Even better, invite a girlfriend over for a glass of wine and give each other mani-pedis!

Maybe you can reach a compromise. Tell your husband, because of the time of year and the more-than-usual need for sitters coming up, that you think you should put off getting together with them until after the holidays. When THAT time comes, perhaps you could compromise and just meet them for drinks after you and your husband go to dinner together or a movie. That will still entail dealing with them, but for not as long, and you'll get some alone time/date time out of it too! Do all of you enjoy or go see live music? We're big fans, and it can be a great scenario for friends who enjoy "taking it to different levels." If you all meet up for a show at a local club or concert hall, you can dance together and listen to music, but when you're done -it's easy to leave and it doesn't feel to anyone like you're leaving them hanging. They're free to get as wasted as they want for as long as they want, but it's different than just sitting around a bar with them for the whole night.

On the bright side at least they are responsible drinkers and take their bikes instead of a car when they are drinking on their way to have drinks. I am sorry, but that part made me chuckle.

If there anyway your husband can maintain this friendship without dragging you into it? You said they recently had lunch together - can he just up the lunch frequency? If not, maybe you could change the venue of the get together - pick a place that revolves more around food than around alcohol. What about hosting a pot luck at your house? Then there is food involved, and you don't need a sitter. Or a matinee movie and lunch, a picnic in a park with frisbees and stuff - just something less expensive and less alcohol related.

You can whine if you want to - it is kinda' fun sometimes.

I would not go! If you do not enjoy going and it costs too much money (paying a babysitter), then just don't go. Tell your hubby that he can go because he enjoys it, but you don't. If you didn't have to pay a sitter and you and your hubby go out all the time, that would be different. But, going out is a privilege when you have kids, so you should at least enjoy it!! Life is too short:)

I think your husband can still have this friendship without you feeling like you have to friends with someone you don't want to be.
Maybe your husband can have a guys night with his friends rather than a couples night out if you don't want to go. Maybe they can go for lunch at a sports bar and watch a game. Maybe you can invite the couple to your house for dinner so you don't have to get a sitter.

Honey if you don't wanna go then that's it don't go no need to make excuses we are all adults here

easy-tell your husband to do guys night with his friend. He can just tell his freind it is really tough getting sitters and you hate to leave the kids too much because it is your only time with them ..
My husband and I go out way too infequently to 'waste' a night with a couple that would not be fun for both of us or who would put us in a bad situation. Actually, I don't like to go out with anyone but just us on date night...we never get to talk just us and it is so wonerful to do alone at a restaurant. If we want to socialize with other couples we will just have them over.

I agree with Lilpiggietoes and say, don't go. No "white washing" it. I understand your husband wanting to continue the relationship and he can do that by getting together with his friend without you. The women don't need to be involved. If the friend isn't willing to change the way that they get together perhaps it's time to let the partying go while still maintaining contact via phone and e-mail.

If I were your husband, I'd find a way to compromise with you and them. And he should be more willing to go along with you then with a friend. Is he not concerned about the money?

Actually,if I were him I'd also want to save money and stop the partying. Friends continue to be friends as they mature together. It sounds like this friend is not growing up and so I do wonder why your husband wants to continue being immature with him.

What I'm trying to say is that to last, friendships need to be about both people's needs. I suggest that it's time for your husband to evaluate the friendship. If he enjoys the partying then he should continue doing it but he should understand and accept that you don't enjoy it. Your not going shouldn't be a problem.

If he doesn't enjoy the partying, I suggest that it's time for him to stand up for himself, you and your relationship, as well as his interests and plan a get together that meets his and his family's needs. Friendship goes two ways.

Perhaps the other couple could come to your house. That way you can limit the drinking and have some family fun. Play board games with the children or put them to bed and play cards or watch a movie without the kids. Show them that activities can be fun without so much alcohol.

By doing this you're also finding out if they can be flexible and consider your needs too. Why would your husband want to get together with someone he has nothing in common with and who aren't willing to try out a different way of relating?

You can't change anyone else but you can be true to yourself and your family's financial needs.

Husband needs to understand that you just arent enjoying this foursome and should back off. He wouldnt want to go if he didnt like a friend of yours husband.... what would HE DO to back out?
Since you have already gone out with them a few times (out of respect) just recently, I do not think you would be in the wrong at all to tell him to go alone. Hubby knows how you feel, you've already told him. I'm sure he wont act surprised when you say "Babe, seriously, with the holidays and all the other stuff I just really dont want to spend so many bucks on babysitters right now if I dont have to afterall Christmas is right around the corner....AND you know I'm really not into this drinking habit thing we've started doing....blahdeeblah."
Anyway, bottom line. You dont sound whiney and I wouldnt go unless you know you will be miserably guilty for saying no. Only you know that ;)

Perhaps you two could sit down and use a calendar to map out your expected outings that will need a sitter. Plan your date nights in there as well because they are important. See how this all fits into your budget. Then, together, you can decide if you can afford (or want to afford) multiple outings with these friends. You may be able to fit in one outing a month with them, or something like that. But, if you have it laid out, you both know your expectations and are not surprised by things that come up. You already have thought out your answer in advance, and you don't feel pulled about what to do.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go. But, you don't want to get into a habit of him going without you because that will lead to other issues.

I haven't read the responses you've gotten, however, I think you should just be honest with your husband, tell you don't want to go waste money drinking and paying a babysitter, the holidays are around the corner.
I totally don't blame you for the way you feel I know I would feel the same...

Haven't read any other posts but if I were in your shoes...I wouldn't waste my money....OR TIME. They sound like idiots who haven't grown up at all. Sorry--just my opinion.

This is real simple. Make arrangements for the sitter to call you on your cell phone while you guys are out. Make excuses for leaving and appologies and go back home pay the sitter for the full time or at least make it known to the sitter what you real intensions are so she or he can manange their expectations. You may tell your hubby or not about your plan. Only you know your husband.

Here's the thing, your husband can't save his friend. You may need to find someone more fun for hubby to play with. this friend may become more trouble than he is worth. If he doesn't care about himself it makes it very hard for the two of you to care for him. Not all friendships were meant for a lifetime. This may be one of them.

Be a wise woman and use the sitter situation for your advantage but see if you can get hubby on the same page. You may want to tempt him with an adult outting alone, without the kids but with his favorite sexy thing you wear or do on the table if the drinking with the friend goes south fast but you may also consider being the designated driver for the bordering on alcoholic friend. Keep your options open.

Now that it involves paying a sitter and taking time away from our kids, I have told my husband I won't stand in his way of maintaining certain friendships but for the most part count me out. I think it's fair and I allow him the same option. That way you're not controlling your husband but he's not controlling you either. I would as someone else suggested, have them over once in awhile for a casual dinner too. That way it's not so obvious you don't like them, it should placate your husband some, and you can keep busy w/ the kids part of the time.

He can have a friendship with the guy, but not go out for drinks. Just becasue you all decide to stop blowing cash and go drinking with them doesn't mean your husband has to stop being friends with the guy.

Really, I would just put my foot down and say, "You can go, but I'm not going. Then we can save money on a sitter and save money on drinks and I won't have to put up with these people again."

.

Just tell your husband that you don't want to use up your baby sitting costs and options on a drinking night out. Tell him to go without you and use baby sitting as an excuse for your not being there. I am sure your husband will have your back on this one, just stay home with the kids.

Good luck!

I didn't read the previous posts - so hopefully I am not saying what someone else has already suggested.....anyways, I think that I would suggest doing something else prior to "drinks" like a movie or something that you and your hubby can do together just the two of you and then go meet up and have one or two drinks with the friends and you and your hubby can leave and do something else, or go home and get your groove on together. Just because they are staying out until 2 a.m. doesn't mean you have to stay for the whole time. I would just go for a little bit and then say thanks for the invite - we have to run..... Then you both could have what you want - it's all about compromise! If you ar going to pay a bunch of money for a babysitter might as well get some good quality time in with your hubby at the same time! Hope that helps!

I would agree with Kristen. However I would add that I would go and pick up your husband after his drinking with friends is done so he won't be driving home drunk or impared.

I was always the designated driver at work because I don't drink for religious reasons. And that stopped when they took me to a "strip" club that I was niave enough to not recognize it as anything but a bar. Then I quit being the designated driver.

BTW, my wife and I always traded babysitting with other couples so we could go out "free". Now that my kids are grown, they do the same thing. Just an idea for you.

Good luck to you and yours.

Frankly my husband's small town includes alcohol at most get togethers and there are those who let everyone their kids run wild as they get wasted. They never hire babysitters. Age is not a factor. The kids grow up knowing when they are in junior high, they can start drinking.

I have NO desire to get drunk or to be around drunks. I don't care if adults drink, but I would not be socializing with these people because we have nothing in common. Your money and your time is too precious to waste.
:0) I feel for you. I have settled in order to try to have friends and I am still learning that it just doesn't work.

1. You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to do.
2. There are other options for sitting, i.e. kid-swaps with friends helps immensely with burden of sitter payments. Other parents appreciate the saved money also!
3. If you're bothered by their drinking, be honest, and understand that their reaction is beyond your control. Al-Anon Family Groups are great support when one is bothered by drinking habits.

Wow, I agree with the 3 answers above! The older I get the more I realize that our time is SO valuable (between work, kids, hubby, family etc) that I don't waste my time in situations that aren't positive experiences. I completely understand having to attend certain events for jobs and family in order to keep peace, but social outings should involve people you want to be with and places you want to go to! Stick up for yourself and tell your husband that you'll spend time with this couple occassionally, but that you can't do it on a regular basis. Why don't you invite them over to your house, then you don't need a babysitter and can control the alcohol?
Good luck!

does it ALWAYS have to be all the adults that go out? girls night guys night so one night the men can stay home while women go out and vise verse and the other's stay home and babyset free of charge and every month or two a group outing?? then to get a 'you and him night' let them baby set your kids and vise verse. that way day care is not an issue

maybe suggest different things that DON'T involve alcohol, like here in ok, there's a place called celebration station that has games putt putt and go carts, it's meant for kids but can be fun for adults too went on a blind date there, was PERFECT for conversations or just having fun

I wouldn't say that your husband needs to let the friendship go, but he does need to make it more obvious that you two are at a completely different place in your lives. He needs to decline going out a little and maybe invite them over for dinner or something. This way your husband can still hang out with his friend but you have a little more control over the environment, and you wont need to worry about a sitter. And as bad as it may sound, if you are at home and do not want to be around them you can use the kids as an excuse to not be in the same room. Good luck I hope things get better for you!

I didn't read your prior posts but you said you're in your 30's. Maybe when you hit 40 like I did, it will hit you that life is too short to waste it doing things you don't want to do, with people you don't want to do it with. Simply tell hubby you are losing interest in the whole drinking scene, don't want your kids around it and really don't enjoy going out with this couple anymore. Maybe he agrees? Good luck with what you decide!