My daughter will celebrate her 10th birthday in 2 weeks time. She had a 'bullying' situation with 4 girls in her class up to a few weeks ago - it was bad (exclusion, hiding her belongings, whispering, kicking etc.). I spoke to the class teacher who took immediate action. The parents of the kids were called in. I am happy to report that all incidents of bad behaviour/bullying towards my daughter stopped immediately.
Slowly the girls have started to play talk again and play together on/off in the school yard. The parents of the 4 girls involved have not spoken to me in fact the father of one of the girls told me that he had deleted my number from his phone and never to contact his family again. My attitude was always once they treat you well you can be friends with them.
Now my daughter wants to invite these 4 girls to her birthday party and I don't know what to do? I think the kids have moved on but maybe not the adults. . .
My daughter invited the girls - 2 accepted and 2 didn't. We had a super day with my daughter enjoying the day with all her friends and everyone played together just as they should. She has so moved on that the 2 who didn't accept her invite didn't bother her at all. I think by sending the party invitations it just drew a line under the whole episode for us and allowed both of us - my daughter and me to move on. I complimented my daughter on her choice of friends - all really nice kids. She has learned what to expect from her friends and what they expect of her. LIve and learn!
Who cares what the adults have done. Invite the children then it is up to their parents to be the adults. Not inviting them makes you the child, ya know?
I think the parents explain why the kids are bullies. I'd just take the high road and invite them. It shows the parents that there are no hard feelings. Sounds like the girls have moved on. Hopefully, they will set a good example for their parents.
Good for your daughter - she's on the high road. Follow her lead - she's doing great!
preteens. one minute they are best friends, the next they are enemies, the next best friends again.
It's right to report bullying, and give your child good advice, and set boundaries, but that's where it stops. You can't get wrapped up in the on again, off again of cliquish girls. It will drive you bananas.
If she likes them this week, invite them. Otherwise, a whole new round of hurt feelings, bullying, and whispering will kick off. Inviting them is the best way to move forward and out that behind her.
Yes, invite them as an olive branch to show a new beginning in the friendship. I think that is the right -- and smart -- thing to do. Plus, you can keep an eye on them and possibly gain further insight into the relationship ... a recognizance mission, of sorts :)
Added: Oh, and what a jerk of a dad that guy is and a poor role model. If I'd been called in for my child bullying another, I would be mortified and feel awful. And I'd apologize on my daughter's behalf to the parents of the child that was bullied by my kid. Jeez!
If the kids can all play nicely and have moved on and the relationship is truly better with them and have moved past then yes. If even slightest no, then dont.
If you think it's the parents who haven't moved forward then that's on them. YOUR daughter wasn't the bully. All you can do is extend the invitation and let their parents figure out if they want their kids to attend. That's on them.
If they say no, then you can simply tell your daughter that you invited them, and it's out of your hands.
I would say, no, don't invite them.
I was bullied so much by a girl when I was that age and my parents always tried hard to help me out. They would often allow over the top birthday, Halloween, and end-of-the-year parties. When it was getting close to one of my parties all of the sudden my bully was nice to me. Of course it made me feel great, I would invite her to the parties, and as soon as the parties were over she was back to bullying and manipulating me again.
It was really hard for me as a child to understand what was happening and why.
I would say don't invite them. This will teach the other girls a lesson about how long it take a person to heal from being bullied. Even though they are being nice now, your daughter is most likely still healing from the mean behavior.
Bullying is a hard subject for the parents and children alike! Best of luck to you!
I would say to leave it to your daughter to decide who she wants to invite, but first talk to her about why she wantd to invite them and how she would feel if the girls (or their parents) rejected the invitation. If she'd feel badly, (or you think it would start a new round of hostility) then don't invite them. I would hope that inviting them might further decrease any hostility.
Kids do move in and out (and back into) social groups pretty quickly. She shouldn't learn to let people treat her badly, but if she was my child, i don't think i'd want her to learn to completely give up on other people quickly, either. They are kids, and they are all constantly learning and growing.
I say invite them - by doing so you are holding yourself, and your daughter, above the fray. The lesson you are teaching your daughter about forgiveness and moving forward are more important that whether these girl's parents allow them to come to the party.
Eh, just make sure you invite a bunch of other kids also so if these 4 don't show up their absence will not b e noticed.
Unless you know these girls' personalities and you think they would get along fine at the party, I'd say don't invite them. My daughter is 10 and talk about drama central! But I know some of her friends and their parents and I know the ones to steer clear of.
I would try to help her nurture her friendships with the nicer kids and not bother with the cliquey/mean girls. If these girls bullied to the point that you had to call the teacher it's likely that they can and will do it again. Not to mention, sounds like some of the parents are a piece of work too.
I say invite them. You are probably obligated to anyway if you pass out invitations at school. It will ultimately be up to the parents if they will bring their girls or not. This seems to fit in with your "once they treat you well you can be friends with them." attitude.
Well, I sure as hell wouldn't be friends with someone after they treated me the way these girls treated your DD & I sure as hell wouldn't encourage my DD to be friends with people with such poor character. I would tell her to stay away from them & find some nicer, more respectable friends with morals & a conscience. These girls were 10, more than old enough to know better & should have to live with the consequences of their actions, and not be allowed back in your DD's good graces the second they say "I'm sorry". These girls were straight up ABUSIVE to your DD & are not good people. I don't think a leopard changes it's spots that quickly & drastically, to be honest. There is a huge difference between normal girl drama & the behavior you discussed. I can't imagine why your DD would even want to be friends with these girls, honestly. I wouldn't invite them.
This is YOUR home. Do not invite any unwanted company! If there is any uncomfortable feelings, that's a sign you should listen to.
In kindergarten my son bullyed a little girl. I'm to embarrassed to tell you what he did, it's really bad!!! I was really surprised that he received an invitation from her a week after the incident. She gave everyone in the class one. I didn't know if I should take my son or not. It was the first invitation he'd received all school year and he said he wanted to go. So I took my son to her party and they had a great time. Out of a class of 20 kids only two showed up for her party, mine and one other. They aren't in the same class this year but she gave him an invitation for her birthday party again. Inviting the bullies could be beneficial. The parents of the other girls are probably embarrassed about what happened like I was.
I would not invite them but my husband would leave it up to my son to decide and then your daughter will be the nice one that includes everyone and their parents would look like the bad ones for not letting their child go to the party! OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY THE CHILDREN ACT THE WAY THEY DO...THE DAD NEEDS TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND REALIZE WHERE SHE GETS IT FROM!
Good Luck!
Don't fall for it - don't invite them.
There are so many actual nice people out there.
Why invite people who've made your girls life miserable?
A ceasing of hostility has been achieved.
That's enough.
That doesn't mean they can be close friends now.
They can be acquaintances, and you don't invite them to parties, and you do not go to any parties they are having.
If they happen to be there if a third party has a birthday bash, that's different.
Attempts to bury the hatchet often lead to someone getting it in the back.
Girls can be vicious.
Just don't let it happen.
Well, don't invite the gal with the a$$ for a father! He might take a restraining order out on you! What a jerk!
I doubt that the parents of the other 3 will let them come since they are being crappy to you, but if they don't come, it's their loss. You should be mailing these invites to the kids' homes instead of taking them to the classroom. No one likes to be left out of getting an invite when everybody can see who did and who didn't.
Dawn
Let your daughter invite them if she wants them there. It will be up to the girls and their parents whether they attend.
No way.If these girls have done it once they can do it again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me . You have to teach people how to treat you . Your daughter needs to understand she is not a doormat . Some things are forgivable but not forgetable.Good luck =0)
Wow I would not call that one dad for anything ever. He made his feelings clear.
I would let my child decide but have people ready to intervene.
