Inviting Everyone to a Party?

I had the same situation with my son. There was one child he didn't want to invite for the same reasons. I told my son to put himself in the other kids shoes. How would he feel if he was the only one left out. I think it may cause more problems between the two children. The child would be upset being left out and therefore bully more. We invited the child and they didn't come to the party which was fine. My son later told me he was glad he invited him cause he didn't want to make anyone feel left out cause he wouldn't like the way it felt. Think about what the child's story is. Maybe there is a reason behind the behavior that you don't know about and showing them some compassion may be what they need.

Do you have EVERY child's home address so you can mail the invitations?
If I found out my child was the only one not invited and invitations were given out at school, I would be up there and contacting you personally.

My daughter was in K and the only girl not invited(my child was the victim of a mean girl and the mean girl's M. allowed everyone to be invited but my girl because the teacher suspended the bully).

If you decide to invite the mean girl, can you ask her parent to stay and monitor the girl. I would be upfront and explain why. She may decided not to come at all. Or explain since she doesn't get along, you will be inviting her to the other twin's party.

By the way, some of the girls who disliked my child started liking her after they got invited to a birthday party. It was worth every penny to invite EVERY kid though I was nervous and asked a couple of moms to help me.

You don't have to like everyone, but you do need to be kind to everyone whenever possible. Be brave and invite this girl along with the rest of the class. Maybe she'll turn down the invitation... or maybe she'll come and have such a good time that she'll start thinking differently about your daughter.

P.S. Here's something else to think about: children may behave differently in school than at someone's home (or even their own homes). Away from the classroom element, there may not be a problem. Maybe.

it's a pity when there's this sort of animosity, but the fact remains that if everyone in the class is invited except this child, it's a pointed glaring deliberate and yes, mean-spirited omission. even if you and your girls are clearly not *really* mean-spirited, the action still is.
the other twin's party is indeed a completely separate party. whether or not this child is invited then doesn't matter. THIS party will still have its own significance.
either invite the whole class, or reduce the number significantly so it's clearly a best-friends-only deal.
khairete
S.

I would invite the whole class, including the problem child. I faced this issue 2y ago and that is what I did. If the child feels strongly against your daughter you'll be lucky and they'll decline, which is what happened to me. I think that inviting 19 kids and singling out 1 just adds to the difficulties and issues between them.

Also, you said that the twin sister will be inviting the trouble girl to her party. Won't the twin that is having the problem be at the other party as well? So you'll still end up with this problem. When the trouble girl finds out that there was another party that everyone except her was invited to? Won't that cause problems?

If you decide to not invite the girl to your one daughter's party, then please have the party where the trouble girl IS invited to first. This would help avoid any hurt feelings she might have by being excluded from the other twin's party.

M.

If you would feel horrible not inviting her, then there's your answer. Your daughter is essentially being the "mean girl" here if she invites everyone but this one child. Invite her and just make sure that there's enough to do so that there isn't downtime or unsupervised time. You say they aren't mean to one another, so what's the issue? Does your daughter get along well with EVERY OTHER child?

If the situation were reversed your daughter would be devastated. This girl may also ramp-up the teasing to cover how hurt she is. Truly, if you really really don't want this child there, then don't invite the whole class. Put a "cap" on the number of kids (1/2 of the class) and have your daughter pick who she "really" wants there.

I would consider lessening the number invited so that she is not singled out. I often try to remind myself that bullies or kids that cause trouble may have significant issues at home. If they're already an angry type child, imagine finding out that you alone were the only person not invited to a party. It would be devastating. I personally, would never consider letting my child purposely leave someone out. So if she doesn't want her there, then she needs to pick 10 must have friends to have there, and then there are others not invited.

I don't think that you should invite the WHOLE class except for that person. Thats mean and excludes her directly. Of course she will find out she is the ONLY one not invited, and it will hurt her feelings immensely. If I were you, I would allow your daughter to make a list of her close friends and invite them and not the WHOLE class. Good Luck.

Molly

I think you should let your daughter invite whomever she pleases to her party. Why should she be "made" to invite someone who bullies her? On another note, is she REALLY that close of friends with EVERYONE in the class to invite every single person? If so, then go ahead..... but, if not I would cut down the number of invites.

I wouldn't single out and exclude one girl. Sorry but I think that is mean. And if I were this little girl's mother, I probably wouldn't let her go to your other daughter's party if she were the only one in the class excluded from Twin #1's party. No, you don't have to like everyone and your twins can choose different friends but if you are inviting everyone in the class then I think tolerance and empathy is a more important lesson here.

I think inviting ALL but one is mean. I would invite her, maybe they could find something in common at the party, if not, your daughter will have tons of other friends there.
Im not sure why, but my daughter did get upset when the mean girl in the class didnt invite her to a party (she only invited a couple girls). I told her, "well shes mean to you anyways, why would you want to go?" But it still hurt her feelings and probably makes her not like her even more. This kid really is mean and I personally am glad I dont have to buy her a present.

This is sort of random, but I remember during the Monica Lewinsky scandal, some of the stories about her childhood mentioned that she was the only kid from her class who didn't get invited to Tori Spelling's birthday party and Michael Jackson was the entertainment. I have always thought that Tori Spelling and her parents are tacky and low-class since I heard that. Who singles out a child like that?

Anyway, while I'm guessing you won't have the Jonas Brothers at your daughter's birthday party, the exclusion is still mean. For the record, I hate mean girls, I was bullied back in the day, and years after the bullying when I was an adult, I didn't even invite my main bully's parents to my wedding for fear that they would bring her along (and I really liked the parents and vice-versa--that was probably part of why she bullied me so). Having said that, it's just too glaring and hurtful to single out an 8- or 9-year-old.

Maybe you can assign a couple of helpers just to keep an eye on the mean girl? If bigger kids, say preteens or teenagers, keep her in line, she won't be bothering your daughter at her own party.

I think you have taken a great approach. It is your daughter's party and if she is old enough to make a thoughtful decision on who she wants to be there, she is also old enough to handle any fallout - if there is any. I do understand that feeling of wanting to be fair, but life isn't:) To alleviate those mom feelings, I'd mail the invites to the homes of classmates and NOT distribute at school or in the class for either of the girls.
Best of luck.

While technically, it may be "okay," it seems really mean-spirited to not invite 1 child out of a whole class. I think that that is teaching her that it okay to discriminate and make people feel humilated--imagine, no matter how much they don't get along, how hurt this little girl is going to feel when she finds out she is the only one not invited. She will be the only one excluded from something that everyone else gets to do...... I think that is just not a good idea. And practically speaking, this will only make things even worse between her and your daughter--what better reason to pick on and bully your daughter than this?

I suggest either telling your daughter that she has to invite everyone, or that if she wants to have a limited invitation list, that she can only invited 5 or 10 kids total.

Frankly, I think that she may do more good by offering a sincere invitation to the girl... If the girl acts up at the party, she can be asked to leave if need be.

This girl is a child, and I find it cruel to not invite her.

Time for a talk about being the bigger person. Talk about rising above the pettiness and meaness and meeting the negativity with kindness. Unless it's a true bullying situation and your daughter is really being picked on then I can't see any reason not to invite her. Surely, one kid could not ruin your daughter's party and if she's inviting the entire class there is just no other option in my opinion, if she does not invite her then she could be viewed as the bully. Kids can be funny, one minute "the bully" next minute the BFF. Give this girl a chance to grow up a little, she just might surprise you and your daughter. If she doesn't your girl will learn a lesson about kindness and inclusion and walk away knowing she did the right thing.

I think if you mail the invites its okay but our school has a policy that you cannot hand out invitations at school unless you invite the entire class this is one the reasons I don't like this policy why should you have to invite someone that bullies your daughter?

Hi S. P :-)

There are several probable answers to this question, but I think the simple one was presented by you in the last sentence. Your other daughter likes this girl and is having her own party, so have that daughter invite this girl to her party. It is no secret the bully child and your daughter don't get along, so she won't be surprised about not getting invited to the one party and getting invited to the other where she is liked.

hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

I would never ever want my child to be on the receiving end of being the ONLY child in class to not be invited to a birthday party. That is very mean-spirited in my opinion. My feeling is that the entire class is invited, or the guest list is whittled down to best friends. I agree with the other moms who wrote to "rise above" and use it as a teaching opportunity. Who knows? The party may be the catalyst for the girls burying the hatchet, so to speak. Good luck!

You don't have to invite everyone but if you are inviting everyone except this one child, I would see that as a problem. I would invite her, doesn't mean she will come. This "olive branch" may make the difference and help them not dislike each other so much.

My daughter recently wanted to invite the one child that I really didn't want her to from her class. VERY disruptive child, acts out, very out-of-control...I was dreading it. She is the one child from my daughter's class that RSVP'd and showed up. She behaved very well and has seemed much better when I see her now.

I was in this exact situation last March. First grade. My son despised O. boy. Very out of character for him, since he generally likes everyone....he talked about him every day. Every Day! About how much he did NOT like this kid. BUT he was not inviting ALL of the other boys, either, so we mailed invitations to the homes instead of him passing them out in class. I still feel bad about it. But he continues (to this day) to have issues with this O. kid and I didn't want his party ruined either......tough call......

some one else prob. already said this but it could be the one thing that bridges the gap and they just might become friends in the long run. i really do thing it would be a "mean" thing to not invite her and the hurt feelings could cause even more issues. wwjd. good luck and i really hope it all works out for the two of them. R.

wow, that is a hard one. You are right that she doesn't have to like her but that would really not be nice to invite everyone except her. If your other daughter invites her, the twin sister will be there at that party and will see this girl anyway. I think that if your daughter is inviting the entire class she needs to invite that one girl. This will teach her empathy and to be polite. You can sit her down and tell her that you understand that they do not get along and that since there will be so many kids at the party she does not have to literally hang out with her. How would your daughter feel if that same little girl invited the entire class and not her? Ask your daughter that question and hopefully she will understand that she can invite her to be polite and just stay clear. Be polite and speak to the girl but she does NOT have to be friends with her if she is a bully. Also, if this girl is a bully at the party, maybe either your daughter or yourself can quietly tell her that her behavior is not appropriate and that if she wants to continue being invited to parties, she must be respectful of the birthday girl. Not the answer you want to hear but the 'right thing to do'. Happy bday to your twins!