Do I Have Just One More Baby or My Tubes Tied?

T. my heart really goes out to you. I have a friend in Chicago that went through some thing very simular. Her kids are in Jasmaca, it took her a very long tome to get to see her children, even just to visit them. However back to your situation. Believe me I know what your going through. Me and my husband are missionaries in a sense, we are not the type that travels out side of the country yet. We do local Ministry, like within the United States. We lived in Chicago and when we were called in to ministry we left our oldest children behind. As a mother it's really hard some days thinking about my babies, however as for you I couldn't began to indentify with your pain. I also know that having more children could never fill the void of the lost. But one thing that is for sure they certainly keep you pre-occupied enough. If your husband is not in agreement with you not tieing your tubes, it could cause some problems. Now if it's okay with him by all means have just one more, God will surely give you a son. But........ the husabnd must be in agreement.

P.s let me just say this, Lady what you need is a miracle. Listen, God still does them. The bible says if you had Faith
the size of a mustard seed you could move mountains Mark 11:24 In every hard situation in my life I called on the Lord Jesus and saw great miracles. If you can believe one day you will have your children with you in America. All God need is your Faith. Just say it right now. I believe. Just as fast as you say it God will start the balls to roll in you favor. Just say it I BELIEVE. it's done. say thank you Lord for bringing my babies to me one day. Don't try to figure out how it's going to happen because most miracles you can't explain no way. Take care honey.

P. P

This is a decision you and your husband need to agree upon. But if he is really against having more children, then he should get vasectomy. The procedure has less risk and is not as risky as a tubal ligation.

Hi T.,
Congratulations on the new born baby.
My heart also goes out to you. My mother had to leave my olders sibling behind when she came to this country when the youngest at the time(my sister) was a new born. She could not get them into this country until she was 12. So I was one of the lucky one's born in the US. So I know what you are going through. Now my mother has a total of 7. She does not regret any of us. (She was 35 when she had me).
I say go with your gut. If something is holding you back from having the tubal then don't do it. I always say when in doubt throw it out, so in this case throw all the thought of the tubal out if it is giving you this much heartach to think about it. As one of the other moms said with a 2 week old and other children, this is not the time to stress over a difficult procedure. Talk to your husband and see if he will consider a vasectamy.

Good Luck, and again congratulations on the new born.
V. :)

Reading your story, my heart hurts for you. I could not imagine being separated from my daughter by an ocean. If I have read correctly, you just had a baby 2 weeks ago? This is not the time to make these kinds of decisions. Men can be extremely insensitive due to the fact that they never have the opportunity to become a walking ball of hormones. This is far too emotional a time to worry about something like a tubal. Get settled into life with the new baby and enjoy cuddling with your tiny one. You may find a few months or a year from now that things look differently and you will be clear headed enough to make the decision. In the mean time, tell your husband to back off. It's not his body.

T.
I was put in that same situation where my husband wanted me to have my tubes tied but i didn't want to. I had just given birth to my fourth child, third pregnancy. I feel if your are not ready do not have it done. You will regret it later. Tell your husband to let you think about it. He will understand. Its your body and if you do something because someone wants you to do it then later you will always hate yourself for it. for me he told me not to come home without the procedure or he will leave will guess what he didn't leave. Later i did it because I was ready. Everything worked out.

Noel

Hi T.,

Don't get a tubal. Your inner feelings has already spoken and you are only confused because of what your husband wants. Let him get a vasectomy if he is so worried about producing more children. It is easier for him to get it done and if he doesn't want to do it, then he is not serious about not wanting to have anymore children. It does not sound like you want to close that option so you really do know how you feel inside but it is just so hard because you are trying to be a good wife and mother too. The decision is up to you but you asked for advice and the answer is in the question. It shows the longing and very strong feelings against cutting your permanent ability to have children. There are so many other methods to prevent childbirth and I think you should just go and discuss those options with your gynecologist, and then with your husband. If he is insistent then like I said, let him get a vasectomy. Men recover very fast and it is a small procedure that will not interfere with his sexual abilities in any way.

Maybe he should get a vasectomy. If I were you I would go for an IUD.

I suggest an IUD. They have one that lasts 5 years, and one that lasts 10. they are covered by insurance, and take about 10 minutes to be put in. They also can be taken out just as easy, and I dont think that there is a wait time, so you can take it out and start trying to be pregnant the next day.

Also, bonus, your period stops. Yay!

That's a tough call...It sounds like you and your husband are not really on the same page, he doesn't want anymore children and you arn't sure.... However given the fact that your last pregnancy didn't go so easy and you are 35 if it were me (and it was, I am also 35 and just had a baby girl 10 weeks ago) I would have my tubes tied... My last pregnancy was a bit tough and the way I see it I have a wonderful son and daughter... So I just feel blessed that I had healthy children and made it through my last pregnancy, I became diabetic which went away after the baby... I don't think you should do anything right away and maybe suggest that your husband have a vasectomy and see how stead fast he is about not having anymore children...

Good Luck, enjoy your children....
PS I did have my tubes tied... but I had a c section so it was no big deal....

K.

My heart goes out to you dear, I know what it feels like to be away from a child, and it is a very hard road. Why would anyone judge you harshly ??
I know it's hard to verbalize what you feel, but perhaps you feel like a tubal ligation is harsh, almost like alienating the future children you could have in the same way that you have been forcibly alienated from the ones you already have. No, it's not the same, but it's understandable that in your pain and confusion it would feel that way.
It doesn't look like having any more children would be an all around wise decision for you. It would be a strain on your body, economy and possibly, marriage.
Concentrate for now on the two beauties that are with you. Perhaps since you are home you can think of homeschooling. This would fill up your time and emotions into something very positive and rewarding for both you and your children.
In the meantime, know that no matter how diffficult the circumstances that led you to choose coming to this country and leaving your other children behind, no mother takes this lightly, and ultimately, the things that impede their being with you are not your fault. Believe with all your heart that someday they will be with you again, and you will be able to spend time with all of your children together.
Please don't despair or feel guilty, you've done the very best you could, now go on and live your present life to the fullest.
Much peace and blessings to you.

Not that I think you should run out and have another baby, because I am not saying that at all, but I think that any doctor who would perform a tubal ligation on a woman who is obviously not 100% certain she doesn't want any more kids is terribly irresponsible. Maybe you should look into a form of birth control like Depo-Provera (there's a new low dose out, and I believe it's safe for breastfeeding mothers) that is quite secure and relatively long-lasting. The tubal could come further down the road, when you're absolutely certain about it.

Oh T.,
Sweetie.......Please, please, please take time to enjoy your new baby first! Allow your hormones get straightened out and come to a rational decision a few months from now. The baby needs you to be focused on her and not dreaming of what is to be. Just enjoy the gift from God. You have been very fruitful and although all your children are not with you, you do have 2 to tend to. Pray about it and God will answer you, I promise. Along with the fact your children in England long for you as well as you long for them, they will seek you in the future. Trust God.......
Also we all know your honey could get a vasectomy. Either way both are reversable if need be. It is easier for the recoveray of a man than a woman.

T.,
Congrats and Enjoy your new baby,,,wow what a blessing...What wonderful advice you have received thus far...I've read the other responces - I can almost feel the hugs coming your way, mine being one also - don't make that decision now...I had my third child at 38yrs old, (two years ago 2nd marriage)I still haven't closed the factory... I have two older boys 16 and 13 and even if we decide not to have anymore - which is very possible - I still may never make it final...I can't bring myself to doing it. It's only been two weeks and that's a BIG choice,,,I even regret picking out a dinning room suite will I was filled with crazy hormones...so this is the time to bond with the baby not make such difficult choices...
many hugs to you...be strong and get some rest if you can.
A.

Hi T. and welcome. If you want opinions, mine would be to get the tubal. Besides your age, which isn't too old but is getting there, you had some complications with the last. Your body has already gone through 5 pregnancies and that is very hard on the body. Also, there would probably be a big chance of losing it. That is very painful psychologically. If you really felt alone and needed another child, there is always adoption. This is your decision, however, and you shouldn't let anyone make it up for you. This is just a way of getting opinions but that doesn't mean you have to follow them. Good luck on whatever you choose and God Bless.

I personally had an IUD and it's not for everyone. I had many complications in the beginning but after 6 months or so I got use to it and finally loved it because i would go months without a period. When I had it removed though i ended up in the hospital due to hemorraging, i was told it was due to all the uterus wall buildup cause i wasn't shedinng it like normal ( aka my period wasn't coming for months) so before u do it talk to other women who have had it and what were their experiences. But this is more a response to the previous response instead of your question. My advise in your case is sit down with your husband and talk about your different points of views and why each has choisen a different course of action and maybe there is some middle ground that could be reached. Maybe he's willing to have a vasectomy if you don't want to go under the knife. Maybe the pill could work for you or the new method called Novaring that you put in once a month and has the same hormones and effectiveness than the pill but without the everyday need to remember to take something at the same time.

Dear T.,
don't forget that you are still very hormonal and not in your right mind, so I wouldn't make such an important decision right now, however, there are many other methods of birth control that you can consider so you don't get pregnant right away and you can take your time deciding whether or not you want to have a tubal.
-M.

I will just say this...

Make 100% sure that you do not want anymore children before you do anything.

My husband & I thought we didn't want anymore children (after a hard recovery period after our 3rd child was born) so we decided that he would have a vasectomy. We have regretted the decision ever since.

Ok...well, I dont have any children. I had a mis-carriage 3months ago, I was 6months,and my first child. She was a still-born. How-ever..you can still get pregnent if you get your tubes tied. Maybe you and your husband should discuss the pill..or the shot. Try one of these first. That way it gives you more time to think about it and talk to your husband and your doctor. Yes,I know, you can still get pregnent if your on the pill,or the shot...but its worth a try. I know this is weird comming from some-one who has no children, but I can only tell you what I would do.

C. A

Tracy,

If you have any doubts inside on getting a tubal, dont do it! If you were finished having children, you would know for sure. The reasoning behind your feelings doesnt matter, the fact is you have the feelings. Your husband should understand and respect your wishes. Good luck.

God Bless you.

Amanda

All I can say is go with your heart!
R. J