I have recently discovered that a woman that I attended highschool with is one of several my sons father was dating behind my back. All the while still in a family situation with us. Since then the words from his mouth were he decided not to pursue this particular person because she was very weird, and resumes dating others. In the meantime I had checked her out only to find out we have several people in common. Her Facebook was filled with disgusting and highly innappropriate pictures, and comments from tons of nasty dudes. Sons father has now proceeded to start things up with this girl again. Red flag one she tried to be sneaky and hide all this. Red flag two she has already been caught in lies. They are now bf/gf after four weeks, and he has now proceeded to start posting innappropriate pictures with this liar online, something he has never done before. Avoided his time with his son, saying he is sick, only to be busted with her in the end. And spending all his money on her, so that his son has not what he needs things he never did before. He says he knows her so well after six weeks and after he already admitted to me she was weird. I must also state that a year ago he did the same thing with another woman while I was having massive brain surgery. Also bringing her around my child and saying he new her so well after only a few weeks and she was great. She presumed to torture my son something he still has problems with, and try to hit me with her car. She didn't even start out with a nasty Facebook, and have to be told how innappropriate it was, get caught sneaking and in lies, and I did not personally know the things I know about the new one. Do I have any rights in this situation at all???!!!!
No. He is that child's father and he has just as much right to that child as you do, you don't own that child any more than he does, if that makes sense.....he is just as much that child's parent as you are. He can do what ever he wants when that child is with him. Unless he's breaking any laws there is nothing you can do.
The best thing to do is to take screen shots of all these inappropriate posts, and show them to your lawyer to find out what your options are. Do not - I repeat, do not - discuss them with your ex. Do not post anything on her page/wall and do not comment about them on your own page.
Make notes of all the times he said he can't see his son, saving voice mails and emails and texts to that effect, including the date and time you got these. Then give that info, correlated with the FB comments/bragging, to show where he was and what he was doing. Discuss ONLY with your lawyer.
None of us know what's in your divorce/visitation agreement, and we don't know how things vary from state to state.
The important thing is to take the long view here - no reactions out of anger or impulse.
You have the rights that are spelled out in your custody agreement. If he's skipping child support payments, you should document it. If he is skipping his scheduled visitation, you should document it. Those are things you can talk to your lawyer about. I doubt you can control who is around your child while he's with your ex, but your custody agreement would tell you for sure.
Er, I'm stuck on, "She presumed to torture my son." What does that mean?? Tortured in what way?
What do you mean she tortured your son and tried to hit you with her car? If she has tried to hurt you or your son you should get a lawyer and talk to them about this. Perhaps a restraining order needs to be filed saying she is not to go near your or your son. As far as your ex husband's personal life and facebook...I would just unfriend him and not look at the fb pages of those he dates. I would ignore all that and just focus on your own life. Don't look at someone else's facebook page. Who cares. I would not keep track of how he spends his money. I would only talk to him about child logistics when necessary. However, if he is being an unfit father to his son, not paying child support or paying for what he is supposed to, being cruel, or bringing your son into unsafe situations then again it is time to talk to the court about this and see what they can do about it.
These are things to discuss with a lawyer. If your ex doesn't want to help his child financially and is refusing to see him then it may be time to for you to have sole custody. As long as he has custody/visitation then you cannot control who is around your child.
Find your son a better role model, it doesn't have to be a man that you are romantically involved with.
Well do you have a court ordered custody and child support agreement? If not then that's your first step. You can't make him give you money if there's no support agreement. You can't make him spend time with his child even with a custody agreement but at least it'll show him that you mean business when it comes to him supporting his son.
Torturing your son and trying to hit you with a car are criminal acts so you should be filing a police report and going to court of a restraining order.
The other thing I'd advise is to stop looking at her facebook all the time. Nothing good is going to come of it and you are just getting yourself all worked up. The content might be nasty to you but she's a grown up and unless she's exposing your son to that lifestyle its none of your business. Stick to facts and solid things. If she posts something harassing you or your child them print it and stick it in a file in case you need proof in the future.
Thea's answer is spot on! I would just like to add that if you do get some sort of formal order forbidding your son to be around this gal, then he'll just find another one...
I agree with Diane B it's ok to look at what a person post but do not comment on these pics. If pics are inappropriate you can contact FB and they will take them down they could even take her off FB, however people usually get back on using their name in a different way. Contact and attorney if you don't already have one so you don't get yourself in any trouble keep all txt, FB stuff can be copied and notes of what is going on so with dates for the attorney.
The standard heartbreaking truth people say is "During his custody time, he can have the kids around anyone he wants". This really sucks when "whoever he wants" is a terrible person. My ex is still with one of the people he cheated on me with for 3 years. She will never meet my children while I'm alive. Women who sneak around with people's husbands are not women I want influencing my kids. I've gone to great lengths to be civil with my ex for the sake of the kids, but I'm not a complete martyr saint. Luckily I have 100% custody, 100% consent to all visits, and she lives in California, so it's not like I'm going to put my kids on a plane cross-country to go visit her.
So what's your situation? Does he have clear custody? If he does, then during his specified time, unfortunately, he can invite this woman along to spend time with him with his son and there is nothing you can do. If he's just visiting all randomly and not meeting his obligations or being honest? Nope. You don't have to let him visit the child when this "woman" will be around. It's hard to know what to advise without knowing your specific situation.
Unfortunately, this is what happens when you divorce. I assume you can have the kids around anyone you want, so can your ex. And it's not clear if you were married or not. It doesn't matter. The short answer to your question is no, you do not have any right to keep your ex's friend away from your child. Good luck.
