Do I Change Schools or Force My 5 Yr Old to Stick It Out?

I agree with the other Mama's. This doesn't sound like a character building experience. It's more like a character erroding experience. This could color her view of school forever. A fresh start might make a huge difference for her. I wish my parents had paid more attention to how miserable I was as a little shrimpy kid in the 1st grade. I still hate that teacher and that school from all those years ago. Kudo's for catching this problem early.

Being a first grade teacher, I agree that social environment is very important. However, academically, if you switch her schools in the middle of the year it could push her back almost 4 months (statistics say). I saw this a lot when I worked at IPS and found all the students that transferred in to my room fell behind dramatically. I believe it has a lot to do with the difference in teaching styles and adjustment time. Also, each school has a different set of standards. Something that may be taught in her school now may not be taught in another school. She may even have to learn a new style of writing (which I think is so unnecessary and unfair). She could really miss out academically speaking. This may also be a chance for her to learn how NOT to socially behave... just seeing how the others act and how hurtful it can be is a learning experience. I think the teacher should be nipping this behavior in the bud, but a lot of times the students can pull this stuff off behind our backs! Is she/he teaching character education? Is there one student in the room that your child could "connect" with? If she could just find a new buddy in the room that would help. I'm sorry she is going through this, but I would try to stick it out and try to keep her spirits up. Try to do fun things with her each Friday after school. See if she'd be interested in inviting a friend from school to come along. Do you know any of the parents? Anyway, I wish you and your little girl the best of luck. It's a tough world!

I would move her. I myself went to a private school and was also the butt of every joke and so on. I will never forget how troubling it was.
Good luck!
C.

S.,
I would most definately move my son in a heartbeat if I was faced with your situation. If school isn't enjoyable for her now it will only become worse for her as she gets older. My son made the deadline by 10 days for kindergarten but his preschool teacher and I decided that one more year of Pre-K would be great for him as far as maturity and social development goes. It was the best thing I could have done for him! I know that my son wouldn't understand the whole life lesson thing at the age of 5. All in all you are the one that has to deal with her unhappiness and go with your gut on what you feel is the right decision for her! Good Luck!

HI S.. I have put my child in a private christian school as well,due to her birthday being 2 weeks of the cut off date in the school systems. She also has attended pre-K there. I am sure that if your child is doing well academically then I would have her tough it out. Try to have her tell you something positive about her day at school on a daily basis. Taking her out might be bad just because our children try us in so many ways. She shouldn't learn that when things get tough, you can get out of it. My oldest is 21 and she went through this because we moved to a different school district for her freshman year. She is fine. Be positive with the situation and I am sure it will work out.
V. G.

S.,

As a teacher and a mother, move your child! If there is not a reason religiously to keep her there then please let your child know that you listen and that her well being and happiness are important to you. No you won't always let her have her way, but if going to school is a battle right now, think of what you will deal with later if she learns to hate school.

Okay I just read some of the other responses, and not to be rude, or disrespetful, but really.....
You as a parent can help through the transition and if she has to learn new things, perhaps she will like the style better and it will give you an opportunity to work with her and the new teacher! And if she needs to be held out of Kdg. for a year then so be it, it is not the worse thing that could happen to a child, it could be a wonderful social growth for her.

Move her, move her, move her

Wow, that is a tough decision. I only have a 17 month old so I cannot speak from too much experience with that sort of thing but if you were to take her out I wonder if she would be teased at a new school for being the new girl. But at the same time, it seems unfair to leave her in that situation. I wonder if you could go above the teachers, like to a principal or administrator. Maybe they would take it more seriously. This is horrible for you and your children to have to go through this!!!! But I think something must be done because you don't want to risk her being traumatized and having social problems in the future. I wish you the best!
PS. is it the Montessori on Lexington Rd, affiliated with Sacred Heart? I've thought about sending my daughter there. But now, I doubt I would.

With only four more months left in the school year I think you should keep her in the school until the end of the year. It might be just as difficult for her socially, being dropped into a whole new environment, where she might get the same harsh treatment for being the "new kid". Besides, life is full of trials and tribulations that you won't always be able to walk away from. Think about how you would want your daughter to handle this situation as an adult in a social or work setting before you decide what course to take. The lessons we learn as children carry with us to adulthood and make up who we are and how we act. The problems we face as children are not far from the problems we face as adults, but on a simpler level. You should offer her all of your support in getting through the last four months and communicate with her about her feelings and how to handle certain situations. We all had the teacher who hated us, or the kid who was a jerk, yet here we are, alive and unscathed. There will be plenty of other teachers who will inspire her, she will not dislike school forever. Unless she's in physical harm, let her finish the school year she started.

I believe that we all need to allow our children to learn as many life lessons as we can while they're growing up. These lessons, like how to cope with mean girls and how to get used to a new school, or such cheap lessons! They aren't ones that cost us a dime, it's not a lesson that ends in getting in trouble with the law, they're just building blocks of their characters! If we jump in there and "rescue" our children everytime we see them hurting, then at what point are we allowing them to learn to become problem solvers? I know how hard it is to stand back and watch your child in pain over something that you want to fix, but taking her out of the school will only teach her that when times get rough, she can give up and try some other place. I would leave her in the school if she were my child, but I also know how hard it is for you to let her grow and learn on her own. Try to explain to her all of those little things you remember from growing up. I remember that when someone was picked on when I was young, they were only fun to pick on if they reacted. If they never reacted, what fun was it to pick on them? Things like that are way better building blocks of her character than saying "okay honey, since you're not fitting in and you don't like it, I'm going to let you quit and try a different school" Try to realize also that if you let her switch now, she's going to continue to find reasons at other schools possibly also. You can't keep switching her until she feels happy. Let her create her own happiness. It only takes one friend for her to enjoy school.

S.,

Hi! I totally understand your plight. I've never been to a private preschool like that, but I can share some of my own experience with you. I started kindergarten at 4, didn't made the cutoff and had to test into it. Everyone in my class was 5 and 6. I graduated high school at 16, so as you can see I was at least 2 years younger than my peers. This resulted in a very miserable social experience for me, as you might imagine. I had the opportunity to switch schools in 3rd grade, but my parents didn't get the scholarship they were planning on, so I didn't get that chance. In my opinion, I would have LOVED to switch schools. Even though I still would have been younger, I could have started over.

This situation isn't the same as your daughter's, but the lesson is similar. I am now 21 years old and STILL am bitter that I didn't get the chance to start over. My problems with being teased and feeling out of place began at 5 years old, and I really wish my parents would have done more to help me. Now, it hasn't ruined my life by any means, but it is something that is upsetting to me. If she were my child, I would move her. With only 4 months left in the school year, I might wait until the year is over, but if she is really unhappy and you are seeing differences at home as well, then her schooling is affecting her life and she should be moved. If you don't see differences at home, then have her stay thru the end of the year (there's your chance to teach her a valuable lesson), but definitely move her next year.

Personally, I want to bring my children up in a montessori school. I tested into one at 4 years old, but my parents were very poor and couldn't afford to send me. I went to high school with 2 people from the montessori school and they were much happier that those of us who went to public school. If you have the opportunity to send your kids to a montessori school (even if the 3 year old loves her other school) I would definitely do it. At 3 years old, she can easily make new friends because she won't be leaving long-time classmates or anything.

If your 5 year old is truly unhappy, and it's spilling into her non-school life, switch schools at spring break or over a weekend before then. You can still make it a lesson for her. Sometimes, it's detrimental to stick something out, but it's the trying that counts. She has tried and done everything in her (and your) power to change her situation and stick it out but it's not working. Sometimes it's necessary to make changes. If children aren't taught that it's ok to make changes when all else fails, they will be stuck in miserable situations forever. So this could be a very powerful lesson.

I think you should support her as much as you can, and keep trying to work with her teacher until the end of the school year. Moving in the middle of the year can be rough, and she's just going to have to deal with a whole new social situation once she moves. It may not be any easier for her at the new school. Transitions generally go a lot better when you start at the beginning of the school year.

Ultimately, it's up to you, though. If you think the situation is really that bad at her school, then move her.

I would keep her there for the rest of the year. Just like the last response... she could really fall behind if you moved her right now. Maybe next school year I would change schools. Actually i would really try and get her involved this summer where a lot of her classmates will be involved... pending on which school you would pick then I would get her involved in softball, gymnastics or something. These extra activities could really help her make friends and help boost her confidence durin the summer after a rough school year.