Divorcing Mom, 4 Yr Old Daughter Does Not Want to See Her Father

Find a counselor for your daughter that specializes in children of divorce.
Little kids are not equipped to handle their emotions and the changes that are occurring, let alone be able to understand their parents moods, sadness, etc.

Do NOT make any assumptions other than your daughter needs someone to help her with her thoughts and feelings and how to navigate the choppy waters of being a child in her shoes. The counselor can also help you with answering questions your daughter poses, and how to handle certain situations as they arise.
The counselor can get to the bottom of where anxiety is coming from and how to deal with it.

Start checking around on Monday. Seriously. Your daughter has the rest of her life to cope with the fact that her parents are no longer going to be married.
Best wishes.

I think a female child counselor is a good idea.

I would ask your lawyer for supervised visits with him since her attitude changes so drastically. What exactly is he telling her? Is there some activity or friend at his house that she doesn't like? Maybe she doesn't want to go to Dad's house because a bully kid lives next door.

My friend's ex was telling their child that the divorce was all her fault and that if mommy just loved the child and the dad more instead of being selfish they could all be together and happy. Bad mommy for not loving you.

You need to find a way to get her to tell you why.
I really don't want to jump to conclusions, but the first thing I thought about is your ex abusing her sexually.
When I was little I had a situation like that (not with my father) but I was scared to tell anyone what was going on. So instead I just tried to find ways to NOT be around this one person.
Counselor maybe, someone she can trust to talk to about what is going on.
It is also possible that your ex is talking badly about you. Talk to your lawyer about changing the visitation rights because of the way she acts about it. It can't be healthy for her to be forced to do something she obviously can't handle.

She's just a child and she wants to stay put and she is forced to leave her comforts of home. She is like any child of divorce. They always miss one of their parents and they don;t get to be with them together, just separate. She is too young to understand the value of having a dad in her life. If you do it all for her,at this stage she feels like her needs are all being taken care of. She needs time to vent and let it out once she comes home. It's a transition they need to go through and you just have to let her, let it out. It is double hard when there are no siblings to go with her. We have the same situation with an "only child". The family court will not make any changes to your visitation since they look at the bigger picture down the road. A child without a father has worse effects on your daughter. You will need the help of a child psychologist to let her voice her feelings. A good psychologist can be a bridge for all of you. My daughter still has issues with going to her Dad's and she is 8 1/2. She has refused to have any weekends at his home for six weeks now, and we just started going back to counseling as of this week.
Take extra care of yourself since you are with her the most and she will read all your energy and she really needs your support, love and more love. Mom's are the nerve center of their child. when she returns home I would not pick up my cell phone and I would greet her with open arms and a smile.
Get your worries heard so they are not eating you up. I too was in a mentally abusive relationship and I had to get out for the sake of me and my daughter. My best to you and your child.

Therapy would be a wonderful thing to get started for your daughter. Not only will it help her to verbalize her feelings about the divorce, IF there was something improper at dad's house causing her not to want to go you would then have the reason and backup (the therapist) to modify his visitation through the court, something you don't have at this point. If he is mentally abusing her it would be cause for limited and/or monitored visits, but you have to have the proof presented by an objective professional, even if just through a letter to the court.

My ex and I divorced when our daughter was 4 1/2. Even though he suffers from depression and was experiencing anger issues, she did not mind being with him. We've had 50/50 time from the beginning. It is not normal for a child to show such strong objection to spending time with a parent. I would talk with your lawyer about this. You may be able to get supervised visits, and/or a psychological evaluation done by someone who specializes in these situations.