Divorcing Alcoholic Husband

M. J -
Congratulations you have taken the first step towards making your life and the lives of your children - better. I divorced my alcoholic husband almost 5 years ago - and have never looked back. My boys were 3 and 6 at the time - and although it has been very difficult for them since - they understand that our lives are better now. They remember many of the negatives about daddy living at home - and every now and then recant some of the "horror" stories that they remember. It won't be easy - but I can assure you that the very first night you are home with your children after he or you - moves out - it will be as if the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders.

What you must do - is contact an attorney. If you need a referral - I will be happy to give you the name of the attorney that I currently have. I think it is best for you to do it right away - even if you have any doubts - as they can give you the correct advice for what rights you have etc...

Divorce is hard enough on kids - but having an alcoholic parent just makes it that much harder. You may want to consider getting them into some type of therapy. I did - and continue to go back periodically as needed. Make sure that you don't talk negatively about your spouse - either during this time or after all is final. No matter what - he is still their father - and negative talk can backfire and make you out to be the bad guy. They will figure things out as they get older - and can understand more of what happens. My ex would go months without seeing or even calling the kids - and now that my oldest is 11 - he has trust issues with him - no confidence in what his father says to him, etc....and it's because he can see it for himself. Kids should never be put in the middle. The divorce is between the two of you - so do your best to keep it that way. Don't use them as "weapons" to hurt each other. It will have serious emotional consequences later.

This will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do - tear apart the home that your child know. But in your heart - you know what you are doing is the best - and in the long run - it will all work out. Stay focused and emotionally available for your kids. They will be ok.

I hope this all works out for you. Best wishes - P.

I'm an adult child of an alcoholic father who is still feeling the effects of this horrible environment. I know it's not easy to leave, especially with 2 young children, but you MUST! I still have some bad feelings toward my mother for not divorcing my father sooner. When she finally decided enough was enough, I was already an 18 y.o. young lady who had grown up in so much disfunction, that the damage was already done! I've sought therapy/counseling throughout my young adult life, parenting classes as a new M., marriage counseling, etc. just to keep on track and learn the "healty" ways of all relationships that I never learned growing up.

Your children may not understand your decision right now, but, in time, will be so proud of you for your decision to give them a better, more stable life. You owe it to them, as well as yourself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking. And, if your husband sees you walking away, he might even take some drastic measures to change. If not, then you'll have a life without the alcoholic mess.

I wish you the best of luck, and will keep you and your girls in my thoughts.

Regards,
B.

So sorry to hear what you are going through. It's an extremely tough time but you do need to remember to take care of yourself through all of it. I do recommend a support group for you and the kids. You will need an attorney, I have listed one below who is a great person and attorney:
Law Offices of Lisa Hagenauer
10 North Martingale Suite 400
Schaumburg, IL 60173
Ph: ###-###-####
I hope it helps and my thoughts are prayers are with you.

First and foremost you really need to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Have you tried going to an Alanon meeting? There are so many available. There are meetings you can bring children to also. Alanon meetings help you to be strong for yourself and your children. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I highly recommend you just give it a try.

This must be so difficult for you. I am proud of your courage. You and your children deserve the best and you know exactly what you need to do. Stay strong and God Bless You!

Hi M. J,

I was on the verge of a divorce this summer. Look up the website for The Lilac Tree. It is an organization based out of Evanston that runs courses and provides every type of assistance for women considering or going through a divorce, and they are amazing!

Best wishes for your future. Stay strong and find happiness.
M.

I just wanted to send you some hugs. Good luck to you and stay strong and know that you have people supporting you.