Divorced Moms - Did Your Friendships Change After Your Divorce?

Well I am not divorced, but I have been a part of what you are talking about. My husband and I were great buddies with two couples who ended up getting divorced. I feel like I tried to make the effort to stay connected but we did grow apart over time. I think in the beginning being with me was an unhappy reminder of what was. Eventually our paths just changed. I was still home with the kids and volunteering, etc. and both of my friends were hard at work building new lives as single mothers, going to school, getting a job, etc. And I was so proud of both of them!
I did reconnect briefly with one of those friends recently, and we had a great time catching up, but it's clear our lives are pretty different and just getting together for lunch takes quite an effort.
Good luck with this transitional time. I'm sure you'll come out with your strongest friendships in tact :)

Only one of my friendships really changed...and it wasn't bad...

My long time Girl Friend is still friends with my ex and knows his new wife - at first it was funky - but it's all good.

I wouldn't worry about what they think...no need to rehash the past and go over the events of your divorce with them to make it gossip fodder. I would just tell them that you had issues you couldn't work through and decided that it was best for everyone involved to divorce. If they really are friends they will take it at that and leave it alone...if they can't then they really aren't friends..

No, I was not exlcuded from "couple" events.
No, I was not looked at as a subject of pity... and I would not accept pity..it takes two to tango - I had as much fault as my ex did in the failure of our marriage....and won't accept pity or disapproval for it...it was MY LIFE..they didn't walk in my shoes..and if THAT is how they think? I do NOT need them as a friend.

You'll soon discover that some of your friends will end up being your ex's friends and when things go to court, expect some character references for him (re: who should have child custody) to be from them. It's a rude awakening I've dealt with. A painful betrayal, but it teaches you who's on your side very quickly.

The upside is, you'll discover friends & neighbors who'll stick up for you in the same way. That was a nice surprise!

The lines of support get drawn pretty quick. Couple events will be history as there will be this big elephant in the room now. People will be super-sensitive about your former marriage.

This is a good time to make new friends, do new activities and spend more time with your children as it'll keep all of you from dwelling on this lifestyle change.

No, pity and disapproval from friends won't happen, but curiosity will reign. Some friends will be dying to find out "what really happened" to lead to the split. Say only what you can risk being repeated. The rest is up to you to divulge/not to divulge.

It's scary to find out who's on who's side now, but it's necessary. Be careful in what you say and who you say it in front of/to.

As for your children & how they handle this, that's where I'd invest all of my energy. They're the only ones who require the full story. Talk to them, explain what you think is age-appropriate and deal with all of the legalese right away. It takes months to get things done, signed, mailed, stamped, filed, etc.

And look into child custody, pensions, benefits (dental, vision, medical), spousal support immediately. You may find you no longer have coverage at the dentist's (but that depends on your ex).

Don't assume your "really good friends will stick by you thru this". I was shocked at the response, or lack thereof, from family and friends when I was divorcing. Its a hard time. Good luck.

yes. every single scenario youmentioned happened and worse. A couple of those broads even made a pass for my husband through the divorce! During this time in my life, I learned to count on my family more and my friends less. I'm still in that mind set. My sils are my best friends.

I agree with Sharon M. You will lose friends to him and his new wife and GF. It will hurt like hell.

Find new friends and try to act like it does not hurt when you run into your traitor friends.