I was with my ex-husband for 16 yrs & I filed for divorce recently. We have 2 sons 18 & 10. We've been separated for 2 1/2 yrs and I decided to file for divorce. We went to our first hearing Tues. & he's denying that he's the father of our 10 yr. old. He signed the birth certificate & after all these years, he's denying he's the father. He requested a DNA test & that will determine if there is a divorce, my lawyer said. We never got married but, he proposed to me and we introduced ourselves like husband & wife. I have to gather evidence. or else I won't be entitlec to property division or equity of the house. I have a great lawyer already, & he says that I have to have documentation to win my case. We never had joint accts & we filed taxes separately but he always introduced me as his wife to his friends, family & co-workers. I've always worked & contributed to the house payments, bills furniture etc. Any ideas?'
Well moms, it turns out that my ex-husband is not the biological father of my 10 yr old son like I thought. One year we were living apart and we were both in a relationship with someone else. I thought I had the dates right when I told my ex that I was pregnant by him and we reconciled. A few months later I moved back in with him, I gave birth, he signed the birth certificate and to my son, he's been the best Dad ever. I forgot the other guy's last name and he doesn't live where he used to when I met him. So, I don't know how to locate him. Now, my lawyer says it's difficult to prove that we were common law marriage & there can't be property division. I gave him a list of people that know us as husband and wife and only one documentation from the shot records where it lists both of our names and his last name . Since, I didn't use his last name. The lawyer said I don't have a strong case. I told him that we he didn't want us to get married because of his INS status at the time. He did propose to me but, I can't find the engagement ring and band, but I do know where we purchased it. So, how do I tell my my son that he actually has a different father. My ex is mad and he hasn't came to pick them up to spend every other weekend with them like he used to. I called him to suggest to him that we go se a pychologist to seek advice but, he refused. He said that we should talk to him by himself and told me to do the same. Should I wait until he's older? Should I seek another attorney? Afterall, we have an 18 yr old that is going to college. After our separation 3 yrs ago, we agreed that he would give me $100 a month for both kids. He told me to go the AG office to continue child support for the 10 yr old in May, just when our oldest son turned 18.. I got a call from his lawyer in June saying that my ex provided her with evidence that he was not the father. I haven't received a dime since, June. So, then I decided to get my own lawyer and file for divorce. When we went to the hearing in mid July my lawyer showed me a copy of the DNA test that my ex and his sister had done at home with a swab without my knowledge. But, the judge ordered us to go to one of their testing centers for a second test and it turns out he's not the father. My ex never told me he had doubts about being the real father until now. He's not being supportive and he wants to handle this on his own. Instead of coming to an agreement on how to handle this matter together. I want to do the right thing by telling him, but I don't know when and how. Any ideas??
Are e-mails a prove? I mean e-mails from him saying his coming "home" late.
Phone calls from the house phone?
Videos?
Anything where he mention you as wife.
I don't have any legal advice to offer, but all I can think of is if you shared the same address for 16 years and had 2 children together . . . seems like you were living as married!?!
There are three tests in Texas to prove commonlaw marriage.
Texas: They must (1) agree to be married, (2) cohabit, and (3) represent to others that they are married.
You need witnesses willing to appear and testify, letters or emails referring to each other as husband and wife, any applications where you might have referred to each other as spouses, school records. It isn't hard to prove you both had the same residence...you must having something coming in the mail with your names in it.
Spousal support is all but non-existent in Texas. Did you work and contribute to the househould during that time? It will be considered in division of property and equity.
You'll still be entitled to child support and for the 10 year old (and the older if he hasn't graduated yet) and subject to a visitation order.
What did your attorney say? In your state what is the definition of a common law marraige? What part of that definition do you need to prove?
You could probably prove you've both lived in the same house, but that doesn't mean as husband and wife. A DNA test would only prove you had sexual relations and he would be responsible for supporting his child.
Who owns the house, or who's name is on the title? If both your names are it shouldn't matter if your married or not, it's part yours. Also, did you pay any part of the mortgage, you would have copies of the canceled checks from your account.
Good luck.
Is he saying you both didn't live in the same house together and claim to be husband & wife? Did he introduce you as his wife to anyone that you still have contact with? Can your sons testify? How about neighbors or friends? How about bank statements to show you contributed. Your tax returns will show you both lived at the home at the same time. How about your family, couldn't they back you up? Did you go to church together and know anyone in the congregation?
If it is complicated to prove that you both lived there at the same time as husband & wife, then perhaps you should just let it go.
I hope some posters that claim "signing a piece of paper" is not important, read your post to see the relevance of a marriage certificate.
"LucisMom" describes what Texas law says. The fiing taxes separate and no joint accounts doesn't help you, but is not exclusive. However, presenting to others as husband and wife does help you. Look through your cards. Did you, your ex or someone else give cards to you celebrating your Anniversary? What did your children witness? Did the school, friends, neighbors, church agree that you were portraying yourselves as H & W? Did you file as Married Filing Separate? Also, did he ever introduce you as his wife? Make reservations as such? Did he buy you a ring? How did you take title on the house? Did you sign a spouse affidavit? Hope these ideas help!
As far as the property division... if you took title together, you could still be entitled to a property division regarding the house or cars that are in both of your names regardless of your marital status. Best wishes and God bless!
Family photos, birth certificates with his name on them, school forms that list him as the father and your joint address, emergency contact forms, life insurance forms, medical forms, wills, letters from friends and relatives.
If any of your friends heard him refer to you as "my wife," get them to testify about that. Same thing for the guy who mowed the lawn, the babysitter, etc. The important thing is that you held yourselves out to other people as husband and wife, I think, not so much that you thought of yourselves as married.
All you have to do is have someone that either of you introduced yourselves as husband and wife.
How did your friends view you? Have affidavits from people that new you from friends to co-workers, and even the kid's school teachers/principal. If they all state you presented yourself as husband and wife, that's some proof. How did you decide big decisions? Jointly? Did you vacation together or separately? I'm sure your lawyer would have more info on how to prove this, but it seems like if you presented yourselves as husband and wife and lived your life that way, then it should be a common law marriage. Did you live together or separately? Did you share a bedroom or separate rooms? Did you date other people or were you exclusive to each other during the 16 years? All of that attests to the type of relationship it was.
Do you (or any friends) have copies of holiday cards and mass Christmas letters that represent you as a couple/family?
Did you file taxes using the same address? That would be one step towards proving it. I don't think anyone would believe that you lived as "roommates" for all those years.
Another place to turn to - did either of you carry the other one on insurance? Did he carry the children on insurance? You have that proof.
Good luck,
L.
What ever you used to define yourselves as married through the common law code should be sufficent for this. I am sure your lawyer has ideas on how to do this. contact him and ask what kind of records you need.
Good luck!
Did you have car insurance together? I know before my husband and I got married, we lived together for many years and shared a car insurance policy since we drove each others vehicles on a regular basis. In order to share the policy we had to sign a form acknowledging that we were common law married to share the policy. Whether your insurance company required this or not...sharing a policy may be enough proof.
Oh boy.
What does your attorney say?
I don't know how you can ask the court to legally dissolve something that wasn't legally on record with the court in the first place.
I'm not trying to discourage you. I just know that in California, even business partnerships and domestic partnerships require affidavits and contracts, etc in order to be recognized for their benefit. Then papers are filed to dissolve them.
I'm just wondering if this won't boil down to a civil matter as far as equity in the house, etc. IF you can prove that you financially contributed.
I hope you get some good advice.
It's pretty obvious your ex will do anything to protect himself, even down to asking for DNA for the kids.
For what it's worth, my ex did the same thing. As soon as they calculated this child support amount, he tried, "I'm not the father!"
They said, "Fine...we'll run DNA tests. And, when it's proved that you're the father, not only will you pay child support, but you'll pay the costs for all the tests."
He backed down.
There was no doubt of paternity and he knew it, but he thought he'd try it anyway.
I really do wish you luck.
This is why I advise against women living with men and not being married. It's not from a moral point of view necessarily, it's a matter of protection.
You can give years and years of your life being a wife in every sense of the word but one. The legal definition.
I hope things work out for you.
You were with him for 16 years, but have an 18 year old son with him? You need to get your math straight before you get into the courtroom. If you've referred to yourselves as "husband" and "wife" in paperwork, among the public, and at things like your kids' school, etc, that will work for you re: proving your common law marriage, because you need to present yourselves to the public as married for a common law marriage to be valid in Texas. Good luck!
He is not your ex-husband.....you never married him. That's what "husband" means. Proposing doesn't count He obviously suspected that he wan't the father. I hope it works out because a boy needs his father. It's a shame that you have messed up his life like this.
Dear Christina W: There are 2 here that are dealing with this. Do not blame the mother on messing up a boy's life when the father was also with another woman for that year, and did not have the decency to follow thru with marriage after proposing and getting a ring. Why after ten years he now has an issue with paternity? A current girl friend wanting more of his wallet:?
I am sorry he is doing this now to you and his sons...his sons...he has been the only one in their life and was apparently a loving father. And I would suggest you talk to a counselor about how to tell your sons. Both need to know. And the younger one, needs to hear it from you before his father feeds him stories *since he was seeing someone too*. Do not lie, do not make excuses...you were apart, you both found another, then decided to work things out when you found out you were pregnant.
Get your friends to all write a note on when you started introducing him as your husband. And coworkers. School teachers. Church pastor. (if you went to church, those that know both of you.)
Did you receive bills in both your names? Were utilities in both names?
Is he denying that you lived together? Perhaps affidavits from friends and relatives stating that they saw you living together and saw your shared a bed would help.
