Divorce Issue--DNA Test Negative!!

It's very sad and unfortunate that your ex-husband isn't continuing the relationship with his son. You have to understand that you have hurt him very much. It is silly to think about property division when you can't even remember the name of the man that impregnated you. You shoud do your very best to convinvce him to still be the "dad", he has been all these years....he may just need time. You have hit him with a bomb. Then you need to tell your son the truth, you owe him that. You must have givin him some reason he wasn't the biological father....did you know and keep that from him?

I'm not an attorney, and I'm in California, but unfortunately, I think it may be true that you don't have a very good case.
If you are asking for divorce, you are asking the court to dissolve something that was never legally recognized in the first place.
Many states do not recognize common law marriage and even at that, you have to prove that you were recognized, not just by acquaintences, but by banks, health insurance and other agencies as "married". A shot record with both your names is not legally binding.
Having an 18 year old child together is not the same as being married in the eyes of the legal system.
I don't think that any type of agreement for your ex to pay you support will be upheld either based on the fact your youngest child isn't his.
I know of someone who went through this not too long ago. The dad on the birth certificate turned out not to be the father after he had been ordered to pay support, and had done so. Another man came forward and wanted rights to the child and he turned out to be the bio father. The guy on the birth certificate was aced out as far as any rights, which hurt him, but also of any obligations, which meant he didn't have to pay anymore.
I think counselling is a good place to start, even if your ex won't go because you do have a child in the midst of all this.
You need professional advice on how to deal with explaining why "dad" isn't coming around anymore and at what point it's appropriate to explain all this adult stuff to a kid. The child needs to know that he's no less loved and no less of a person because of all this.
That should be your priority. And, if your ex isn't willing to still show love for him, you'll need that help more than ever.

Your son still has a mom who loves him, he still has a brother. Hopefully the only person he's known as his father won't abandon him entirely. He may just need some time to cool off and realize his love for the child goes beyond all this.

I wish you the best. But get some counselling referrals.

I feel sorry for your son - you don't have a case as you were not married and DNA proves he is not the father. Perhaps if you stop going after money, he might want to continue his relationship with the boy. He does not owe you a dime. I would talk with your ex and see if you can come to some understanding where the child is concerned - after you stop all legal proceedings.

Shame on you for NOT telling him that you "thought I had the dates right when I told my ex that I was pregnant by him & we reconciled". You knew what you were doing when you went back to your ex & you were pregnant. You played this man for a fool & you should not expect child support from him. I am sure if you told him the truth that you are pregnant & there is a possibility that the baby wasn't his then things would have played out differently & he would not have signed the birth cert.

This is your screw up so own it & tell your ex that you are sorry for being deceitful to him & ask him to please do not to take it out on your son that he will be very upset & hurt. Your ex is probably trying to figure this all out so you & your son go to counseling to help your son cope with this mess.

I may be the only one suggesting this right now, but in the midst of all that is going on, don't tell your son anything until the man he knew as his father truly agrees/decides he does not want to be a dad to him. Until that time, just make it about you and the separation and go ahead and be the "bad guy" for a while and fall on your sword as the reason for dad not wanting to be around. Speak to this man and find out exactly what kind of a relationship he wants with your son regardless of child support.
Your son is only 10 yo. that is still so young to have to deal with this mess, not to mention such a sorted and seedy issue of multiple sex partners in such a short time span that there was confusion on conception.
when/if the time comes (and I do agree there will be a time) to tell your son the truth do a lot of research and speak to a counselor ahead of time to map out how to break this kind of earth shattering news to a child.
Best of luck this is a very tricky situation, but just keep the children's well-being at the forefront of all your decisions.

I'm so sorry. Does he not want to be part of your sons life now? If so, I think that is so selfish. Even is he pays no child support since he's not biologically his ........... I would hope he still loves your son like his own. I feel so sorry for your son in this situation. Your ex is hurt and angry which is to be expected. Maybe give him a little time and he will realize to do what's best for your son then you guys should come to an agreement.

Wow! Sorry to hear about your predicament! I am not a lawyer, but I am married to one and he has told me that even in cases where it is later discovered a father's son is not his, biologically, that the Judge's don't just let the "father" walk away from supporting them. I think you need to at least consult with a good lawyer that is not going to just roll over and will fight for you and your sons, as well as may be give you some ideas as to how to handle this situation with your son and ex on a personal level. I can understand that your soon to be exhusband may feel betrayed, and/or that his world has come down as his beloved son, is not his. Anyway, that doesn't change the fact that he has been your son's father and that you both need to address how to best handle this situation with your 10 y/o son. My husband's website is www.haugenlawfirm.com. You can check it out and call to make an appointment for a consult at ###-###-####. He grew up without a father (died when he was 8) so he can give you some additional perspectives on this. Your son's well being needs to be #1. Best wishes and God bless!

Well the UP side is that you get to bypass 1/2 the pain in divorce: which is coparenting. Visitation and threats about custody. All the hassles of your ex's girlfriends in your son's life, them trying to parent your child, crazy holiday splits, parenting differences ranging from discipline to dating, curfews to grades, teacher conferences, doctor's appts... the very messing and often trauma filled years of "co-parenting".

Because your x can't have it both ways. He can't be the father and not be the father.

Do not tell your 10 year old yet. Give the x husband time to come to grips with it all.
Get advice from another attorney........My situation with my middle child is similar except my x husband has nothing to do with our kids they both have medical condition he can't handle well (without me put it that way and he sure can't handle a service dog being with them the whole time either). And its mutual between my x and I that they kids stay with me. Please no dad issue responses this is what works for our kids the best.

When my kids were born my x husband (we werent married when our daughter was born and we were married at the time our son was born but my son is NOT my x husbands) he signed both birth certificates when the kids were born. They have a paper they have to also sign saying there is no doubt or question about the child being theirs and they can't contest it after its signed or a time period afterwards.

Wow. I'm really sorry. I agree that he will probably come around in terms of being with the boy and spending time with him but may need some time to process. I would however tell your son ASAP. He needs to know and he deserves to know. He will probably be devastated and angry, but you can't let it go on b/c at some point it will come back to bite you. Hopefully you and your ex can tell him together and your ex can reassure him that he will still be part of his life, etc., but that's up to him. If you can't get him to come around in a reasonable amount of time, you need to do it yourself. School is starting soon so maybe you could talk to his school counselor and she if they have any resources for you/him to help you through this. Good luck.

I thought after he signed the birth certificate it didnt matter what turned out to be proven later on. Of course that would only help with child support, you cant make him see your son if he doesnt want to. I would tell your son, he doesnt need to know all the details but the basics would be helpful. And I would get him into some counseling and be prepared for some serious attitude from him. He is going to be very confused.

The only person I feel bad for is the 10 yr old son he has little to no idea what is happening .Give him the truth he will have much greater respect for you as his mom and your ex as his only known father.

In most states if he signed the birth cert he only had 2 years to contest. If he did not, than that is his child in the eyes of the law and he still has to pay child support. Check with your lawyer.

So sad, because this is the same kid that he was the day before your ex found out. Sorry--I don't have any answers for you--you need to follow legal advice.

Gee, this is a tough one. I feel very sad for your son and I hope your husband finds it in his heart to love the boy just like he did before. If he was the best Dad ever before he knew of the dna why not now, this situation is not his son's fault. And really this is his son dna or no dna. I can understand his anger though. He seems more concerned about paying child support. This would be a very difficult decision to make, but I think if it were me I would not tell him just yet. He's already going through so much now and he's at an age where he can't really understand and yet has some understanding. A lot would depend on your ex too, you certainly don't want him telling him. A few months or so is not going to make that much difference to wait on telling him and your ex should agree to wait too. And in the meantime find out all you can about how to approach this with your son. Maybe you could talk with a few counselors and get their take on it and compare notes. (if you don't have money for it, you can see one as an only one time thing, don't have to commit to on going therapy although I wouldn't neccessarily mention that to them) Waiting will also give time for things to cool a bit and for you to gather yourself and your thoughts together. You will have to be very calm and expect anything, you don't know how he'll react. This whole thing is shattering for a child or even an adult. Once you tell him everything will be changed, be ready for that.

sorry for the length
Is there somewhere one can look up the current law?
I am just curious because it changed when x and i were mid divorce, then recently I became a grandmother and it seemed the law had shifted.
And btw I was one of those 'didn't know I was pg' moms the first time around despite having been an incest survivor. Monthly didn't stop until month 7. Xdh and I had been ill with a nasty bug going around the campus. And being a HUGE college...well yeah a repeat as not unheard of. No weight gain until well literally over night. We thought something
So I have no problem with M. saying she thought she had the dates right. And they were BOTH seeing other people.. (just bugs me when it seems one party is blamed ...they were BOTH adults..)
Anyway during my separation the law was didn't matter. If you were married to John doe but pregnant by lester smith the child was considered John Doe's. By the time we had our last hearing the law was if it was lester smith's baby it was lester smiths baby. Dna testing was new to the scene and considered junk science. Dated myself a bit..
My son and dil welcomed my first grandbaby earlier this year. Ds and dil didn't have a binding marriage contract or however best it is worded. They were worried about it and they were told that as long as ds signed the BC he is the dad. And even if he didn't as long as they both told legal that yes there were together at the time she got pg he was in fact the father. *she told him twice it was her ex*
I have also seen a case where a man not the bio father was ordered to keep paying support even after the mother married the bio father.
It sounds like he never really felt your 10 yr old was his for whatever reason and had this little document in his pocket for a rainy day.
I would hold off telling the ten year old just yet. Especially with a new school year. like the other lady i would feel him out and see if money was removed from the equation he would still be the 'awesome dad' he has been. however an awesome dad would not make the child pay for a choice he never made. My dad used to say 'anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad"
My heart and empathy go out to all of you and I hope you can find a path of least resistant heartbreak