Divorce Advice Needed

I had the best lawyer...a woman...her name is Janet Watson and she is in Wheaton on Naperville Road, just a few blocks north of Roosevelt...

Another good resource is rejoiceministries.org
Blessings,P.

Rory Weiler is known as the "rottweiler" in the courts.

2445 Dean STREET, Suite G, Saint Charles, IL 60175
###-###-####

Tell your family first. It may seem backwards, but if you have their love & support behind you, it will give you the courage you need to face the situation.

Talk to your lawyer second. Figure out what you need to have done...get all your stuff together. Make sure you are protected, and he will tell you what documentation you need to have BEFORE you tell your husband.

Tell your husband third. When armed with the facts, it will make telling him easier (not easy, by any means, but easier).

Friends -- don't dish all the dirty details. It's really none of their business (unless it's a close personal friend, then blab all you want). Mutual friends will figure out which side they're going to be on. Go out with your head held high.

In-laws -- let your husband tell them that you left because he cheated. It's not your responsibility to save face in front of them.

Take care of yourself & your baby. Good luck. It'll get harder before it ever gets better. And, keep in mind too, that he'll behave in a way to make you want him back. Just when you think you do...he'll do more of the same and remind you why you are feeling how you are feeling now.

Hi K.,

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to be in your shoes with a little baby. I just wanted to share a resource that you might find helpful in the midst of all of this: the Divorce Recovery group at Willow Creek church. It meets on Monday nights and your baby can go to a group for children called Oasis during that same time (the children are divided into many different age brackets so she or he will be well taken care of). Call Willow Creek's main # at ###-###-#### to learn more or check out their website. Their next session starts 9/15. You do not need to go to the church to take advantage of this ministry...though it is a wonderful place to get to know God if you don't already. Willow also has satellite locations so if you're not near South Barrington you can check out another location - I'm pretty sure all of the sites have this ministry (and it is not just for people once the divorce is over - it is for any stage).

Praying for you,
L.

My husband handles cases like this quite often (I don't know if that is good or bad...) If you would like more information about his office in Lake in the Hills, McHenry county, then contact me directly. He is fair and is good at what he does. He often gets referrals from other attorneys for divorse cases.

Good luck, this will be a difficult time, but you will get through it. Find support and strength in your family and friends.

WOW! I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Right everything down- finances. My sister secretly saved and put money in an account to cover lawyer fees, rent etc.. When you are ready- arrange for you and your husband to be alone and simply tell him. stick to facts- and what you want. Its pretty hard not to let your emotions get in it. I just recommend treating everyone how you want to be treated- love and respect. If your not already involved I recommend a chuch. Children adapt very well. When I went threw a divorce I just made sure not to say anything bad about my daughters father- it hurts their self esteem. Good luck.

What I'd like to add is how to handle your family. Basically, tell them when you're ready and be prepared to talk about it because there will be lots of questions but then draw a line. I had to tell them, "I want to tell you what's going on in my life but after this conversation, I hope you don't continue to bring it up." I really wasn't in a good emotional place and didn't want to feel like it was always being discussed. I'm a very private person so a conversation like "so how's the divorce going?" would not set well with me. I would basically answer "fine" and leave it at that. Don't feel like you have to open up to everyone about it but your family will want to know what's happened, how they can support you, how they can be there for you, etc. And that's fine but always talking about how rotten the guy was, what he did, whatever, always felt like I was still living in it and not moving forward. Plus is kept bringing feelings up I wanted to bury.

So what you have to do is figure out what will work for you and what personal boundry you need to set for yourself on the matter. Whether or not you're fine speaking about it often is up to you and only you. The emotions that can go along with this process can be a rollercoaster so hold yourself steady and keep reminding yourself that you've done the right thing, finally life can move on for you and that you're a good person and now even a stronger person for going through this. Life throws loops. You just have to be prepared to jump through them when they come at you. Stay strong.

My heart goes out to you, and, good for you for putting you and your child as the priority. Unless you both go into counseling, and he possibly individual counseling AND he stop the affair, divorce is the only healthy response. A good book is Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, by Dr. Bruce Fisher. It outlines 19 rebuilding blocks with clear strategies. If you are in Kane County a good and kind attorney is Ben Schwarz, ###-###-####. If you're in another county he can refer you to one there. I am a counselor, so if you want to talk, just connect back. I'm in McHenry and Kane Counties. My best to you.

YOu may want to check out "Love must Be Tough" by Dobson. You could callFocus on the Family for other resources as well as this. I think the number is 1-800-afamily? Or check online. Also do you have much support? It will be very important to build some good support. There is a divorce care group at Calvary Church in Naperville. I know one of the leaders, he is divorced himself, so it should be a safe spot for some support.

My one bit of advice is that if you do go ahead with divorce, that you make sure it is written in that the child support be recalculated periodically. It wasn't in my case, and it cost us dearly.

K.