K.--
Along with any happy-hopeful responses about how glad everyone will be when this all shatters apart, please skim the list of other requests. See how many moms--even this week!--are troubled because their kids really want Daddy back in their lives. My parents divorced when I was 3. It was a happy and agreeable occasion: they announced it to a group of close friends at a New Years party, and everyone toasted them and wished them the best of luck (hey--it was the 70's!) For years afterwards, my mom did the best she could, and she was spectacular, but she was lonely. Boyfriend after boyfriend walked in and out of our lives--some of them I liked, some not (but I tried)--and one of my most painful memories is of her tears one night after one particularly sudden breakup. The cause of the breakup? Well, kids will be kids--my brothers and I were fighting and throwing tantrums, and he decided he couldn't take it. I still cry sometimes, reliving the hopelessness I saw in her face. All the while--I loved my dad! And as a kid, I always wondered why they couldn't "just hug" and make it all better!
Of course, "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him," but I still wonder sometimes if they couldn't have worked it out. And I confess that, years later, I feel a twinge of disrespect for them for not trying harder.
THE WORST PART IS, by the time I was grown up and in the marriage market myself, I was so used to the divorces all around me, that every time I went to a wedding I found myself wondering how how soon it would fall apart. Lifelong commitment seemed impossible by then, and I assumed I was meant for the same course. Is it any wonder that the divorce rate in our country is snowballing with each generation?
NOW THE GREATEST BLESSING: Wonder of wonders, I married a man whose parents have just passed their 50th anniversary! They had rough times, too--very rough--and with plenty of everyday annoyances even in the good times. But they have stood together, with God's grace ("forgive others as He has forgiven you") at the heart of it all. THIS was the ONLY basis I had for the courage to walk down that aisle! And without that example, and a commitment to God (hey, we did promise in a church, after all), this marriage could have fallen apart plenty of times, too. But each time we push through those challenges, looking within ourselves for what we've contributed to the problems, our relationship gets better and better!
HAVE YOU TRIED PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND? As another responder pointed out, love is an ACTIVE word. If you two can't yet come together on a solution, fine! Hand him over to God! Tell God, "He's your problem!", then give up changing him yourself, and stick around and see what happens! (Besides, when you pray day after day for someone, you can't help but start feeling some tenderness for them. If you don't want to feel that, face the fact that you've already decided this regardless of any part he's played.)
Lastly, please click over to this other Mamasource entry from February: http://tinyurl.com/3bpk5s (yes, that's a Mamasource link--I just used a trick to shorten the address for this posting). My response is still at the top, I think; and in it, I recommended and summarized a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. PLEASE read it; if you think it's too late for this situation, at least read it to understand your kids better, yourself better, your future relationship attempts better. It was pretty convicting for me.
And if you can be agreeable to it, please try counseling from a pastor or other religious personnel of your choice. Without a higher power to bind you together and transform you from the inside out, it's just the blind leading the blind. I will be praying for you, and for all the marriages that are hurting out there (you too, Gaby!). Please don't give up yet.