Looking for Website/ Articles on "Staying in a Marriage for the Kids"

I think when you get married it is a commitment that you made and unless there is an abusive situation you should stay for the kids and try to make it work. Love is not just a feeling it is a choice. I think people get divorced too easily these days and it has had a major effect on our society. If you get divorced your children will never be the same. I teach high school and I still see how kids are affected be their parents divorce, even if it was 10 years ago. I could not imagine having to tell my children they could not see both of their parents all the time. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I am just thinking about the children. I would advise talking to a marriage counselor or someone at a local church. Good Luck and I hope it works out.

Try going to the library to research.
I'd like to point out that if you really felt like staying was the best/only option, as you say, you would not be looking for articles on the pros and cons.
Also, there will be pain either way...you say "when they are able to understand" you will leave, but what makes you think there is an age that brings understanding? The age of the children is not the issue. In fact, some changes are easier for a younger child to adapt to. Children can usually tell the difference between happy parents and unhappy parents, and prefer happy parents.
You are correct that it will "break your daughter's life" in a sense--- and I'm all about trying your hardest in marriage (have you talked to him about how you feel, or tried counseling?), but if you have been trying for years and it isn't getting any better...it never will.
You have followed your mother's footsteps in marriage, and will your daughter follow yours? is that what you want? Maybe you want something better for your daughter. If so, you can show her an example of a mom who wants more, and deserves more, than misery and disappointment.

Why are you so unhappy with your marriage? Is it your pregnancy? Does he work too much? You need to figure out why YOU are unhappy? Love is a verb. Are you and your husband stressed out? Some times finding time to be together, even renting a movie, can help the relationship. There is a reason you got together so early and have stayed together and decided to bring not one but two children into the world. You need to take a long look on whether you and them would be happier. Probably not. It would be a struggle. Unless your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive/or an addict. There really isn't a good reason to break up your child's home.
It takes WORK to make a relationship last. Trust me, I am going through a tough time right now and it's not fun but he was/is my best friend and we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. And at the end of the day we still care and love eachother, even though we haven't liked each other in a while. I recommend Dr. Laura's books. They make the most sense to me.
Remember you can only change you. If you feel unhappy, figure out why. Being nice and loving can do a lot to change the momentum of your marriage. I didn't believe it until I tried it.
Good luck!

hello K.,

i wish you the best, maybe focus on what you do like about your husband (this might help recapture why you married him and what made you love him at one time), couples dont always have to have everything in common- to be happy. i was a single mom for many years before i married my mr. wonderful it definitely is possible to raise good kids in happy homes with or without a marriage, however having now three children two with my husband i couldnt imagine having it any other way i love my children and it is so wonderful to see their love for their daddy everyday. talk one on one with GOD he has the answers. and remember "other" people cant make you happy that comes from within. many happy blessings to you and your family ;0)

oh man. i have no advice really.....but i wanted to say...i am on the receiving end of this bc my husband is unhappy with me. I am holding on to him blood sweat and tears. I would stay together for my kid too. She didnt ask to be brought into the world and then have her parents divorce. mine is 1 year. Try and hold on. I bet he really loves u.

Wow K., you are in a tough place. Staying in the marriage is definitely better, the most recent article I read was on the cover of Time Magazine about 4 weeks ago. However, you will find articles to support both sides of the issue.

It sounds like you are probably going to end up leaving, but here are my Words of Wisdom after 20 years of child-rearing, a divorce from the father of my oldest child, and a lot of intimate involvement with many other children:

Divorce is scarring to children. Unless you are in an abusive relationship or one in which the two of you fight constantly, it is better to stay. You know how it would break your daughter's heart to lose her daddy, and ever since my first child was born I knew his happiness was more important to me than my own, and I would never do anything to take his daddy away from him (my first husband chose to divorce, and I could not stop it.)

Do not look to your husband for your happiness. Happiness is found in your friends and the causes you devote yourself to. I love my husband, but do not consider him my "best" friend, and that is ok. I have plenty of other friends to fill that role. We don't have a ton of things in common, but we have enough to unite us. So it is possible to be happy with someone who is dissimilar to yourself.

Marrying young definitely makes it all harder, but time does fly.

And Cheryl, below, said everything else that I did not say.

And in response to Rae's response below, I must say that what you will do is teach your daughter to really get to know the person she is marrying beforehand, and to NOT marry young. We can teach our children from our mistakes, not force them to repeat them. I'm sorry Rae -- it is really sad to think that a woman's happiness is dependent upon her husband. "Misery?" Unless K.'s husband is a bad guy, life has too much to offer that can make a person happy.