Divorce - Watkins,MN

The most important thing is your children and making sure they do not get hurt in any way (which I'm sure you know). I think meeting your bf all depends on the circumstances of your divorce. Were you seperated for a long time before? How are your kids doing with the whole divorce thing, etc... Do your kids already know this guy, since you were friends for so long? Then lastly, what is the rush? Not that I have any experience in this area, but I think I would wait until I knew for sure that this was going to be a serious, long term relationship.
Best of luck to you!

I have never been in this situation, but I have had a several friends that have been. My advice is you have to be very confident in this being a long term relationship. They need stability and consistency in their life right now. It is very confusing if they see that you have a new boyfriend every few months. That is an area of your life that has to be sorta private from your kids until something turns serious. When it gets to the point that they are introduced then they will test your relationship and you have to be prepared for that as a couple. Hope this helps. Best of luck.

My advice is coming from my experience as a child whos parents divorced when I was 10. My parents set me down and discussed that they were divorcing and before they divorced my Dad had a "work partner" who he just brought home one day and more and more she'd appear at our home. Eventually she lived with us and then they married.

Personally, I wish they would have kept their dating matters quiet and just concentrated their time on me. I should not have met my Moms boyfriend or my Dads girlfriend.

I remember the first time I met my Moms boyfriend and I was angry that my Mom left the vehicle to spend time with him.

Kids go through enough with divorce and not seeing their parents together and to complicate things by dating is worse for them in my opinion.

Raise them until 18 and then introduce them. That way you'll be ready to marry and your kids would be fully raised.

If you are bound and determined to still expose them to your dating partner then I would ask them what they think if you started dating again. If they do not like it then don't expose them. I'm sure you want to be happy and in doing so you'll want to date so maybe you'll want to date in secret so you don't hurt your kids. Ask them every 6 months or so about how they feel if you were to date and once they are accepting of it then wait a month or so and ask them to join you for dinner with a friend. Just you, your boyfriend, and your kids. Maybe expose your kids to his kids later. You don't want to overwhelm them. Over a period of time that "friend" can come around more and more. You can go on dates here and there with your kids. Maybe your kids will start asking questions and then you can tell them about his kids and see if you all want to go on a play date or something.

It's very hard for you and it's hard for the kids involved.

I would probably say now is very too soon for them to meet....

think of it this way, for every year in your life something gets a bit messy, your supposed to double that to make it right.

You might be ready to date, you might not be, but your kids probably aren't

I just want to say congratulations! That's great that you are dating someone you know well!
Do your kids already know him?
I don't know if there is a very right time, just when you are committed to each other.

Hi K....
One thing I have heard is that you're the one dating, your kids aren't. My kids didn't meet their stepdad until five months AFTER I knew it was going to be serious. Then they met him casually, he stopped by a table to say hi at a pizza place. The second time, he interacted more at a birthday party. My ex and his gf dropped the bomb on the kids and they fell to pieces, came home bawling. They had their families doing everything together right away and they broke up a few times along the way. Each time, the kids were extremely upset. So I have seen what it can do to kids, even with good intentions of them having a playmate to hang with. I hope this turns out well for you, if you're ready.

K.,
I am so glad that you are really thinking this through and looking for advice. My father is on his third marriage and I myself and married to a wonderful man but have two children from a previous relationship and have seen first hand how difficult these blended family situations are. It is great that someone whom you know very well and have already established a friendship with has blossomed into more. I do have a big suggestion. Wait. Wait a while to see where this relationship is going to go before having your children meet. If a few months down the road things do appear to be going great and in a direction showing seriousness in this relationship then little meetings at common places all the kids would enjoy going would be a great start. Then go from there. Especially with the divorce still being so new to them. I know as a child from divorce that even though my parents were so not suppose to be together and at one point I asked them to divorce, I thought that them being together would be a wake up call that they needed to fix things. The didn't of course which was for the best, but as the child it was hard from me. I was so upset with my father when he started living with another women maybe 6 mos later. It was so hard being that I was still adjusting to the fact that my parents weren't getting back together. My two older children's father and I broke up 2 weeks before our son's birth (child #2). I did date a few people in between and the first real relationship I had with someone I did really care for I really had him there, but never as someone other then my friend. We ended our relationship after 8 mos because he had to go away and I was so careful after that. When I met my now husband we really kept our relationship separate until we knew it was going somewhere. Now, my children were a lot younger then yours, my youngest was 2 and oldest 4, and we didn't have to worry about any other kids. It just took my now husband some time to build a relationship with my children and now if you ask my daughter how we got together she says that I had met him and then he met my two kids and loved them so much that he married me. LOL Glad it had something to do with me. But, good luck and follow your instincts, you are mom after all and you will do just fine!
J.

After my divorce, it took several years before I could figure out who I was again. I would give your space a lot of time before you begin another serious relationship. Take things extremely slow for your own sake. If things develop over time, then fabulous! But there's no hurry and rush into anything right now.

Hi K.!

I kinda agree with Melanie K's comment, to wait a little bit and ease into it. Make sure it's serious, because both your kids are at fragile ages - probably more so than HIS 10 year old - and it can be very detrimental in the event things don't work out.

I would think it's ok to say he's a "friend" of Mommy's but try to avoid behaviors that would indicate "couple" until your serious. It will be a lot easier for them to let go of someone they think is Mom's friend better than something more.

I also think it has to do with how involved their father is in their life. If they have a great father who is around very often then it might be easier for them to see you dating. If Dad is poor about being in the picture - they may cling to whomever you date a little more and therefore be harder to cope with should problems arise.

It sucks to have to be so pessimistic when your just starting a relationship, but hopefully you and your partner will be able to come up with the best decision. You could also just ask your kids how they would feel if Mom started dating again, and base your decision on their response.

Good luck! I know this can be tough!

K.