4 Yr Old and a New Boyfriend

Honestly, I don't think children should be involved in your dating life. Until there is a serious commitment made (Engagement, commitment to get married, etc.) your daughter does not need to meet him. Once a commitment is made, then you can start working on family time. My best friend's psychologist told her that when she was dealing with a divorce, and I have always agreed with that advice. Kids get attached, they end up getting hurt. They are not adults and can't understand fully. You have only been split for 9 months. Meaning, you barely know this guy. Your daughter has barely had time to adjust. Bad idea, in my opinion. I think you should talk to a family counselor about how to approach relationships in a way that doesn't hurt your daughter. (I know it can be really new territory, professional advice always helps.)

Your daughter is very young. Toddlers and preschools tend to think that the world is centered around them. You and her father have only been separated for nine months and if she has regular contact with him she may not realize that you three are no longer a unified family. It is great that you are healing and putting yourself out there again. But if it were my daughter, I wouldn't do family things like you have planned until I was settled in my divorce and had been with the new partner for at least a year. I agree with Bug keep your daughter out of your dating life for now.

I agree with Bug that you shouldn't involve your child at ALL until you are ready to marry someone. It is unfair, especially after divorcing her father, to yank men in and out of her life. My suggestion would be to hold off on "play dates" until you are honestly going to marry this man.

I've noticed that people assume a lot on here. Like thinking that you're going to be jumping from guy to guy...or that you just met this man. (I wouldn't know either way.) When I went through my divorce we had to do a mandatory parenting class. They advised that you wait at least a year after the divorce to even start dating. My ex was engaged to another woman less than 8 months later...and that was after his other girlfriend turned him down about 5 months after our divorce (she apparently only really likes men who are married, but not to her). If you plan on doing some "nothing serious" type dating and seeing what's out there for you I would hold off on introducing your daughter to the boyfriend(s). But if this is a man that you're really serious about and feel like it could be heading to a long term commitment, I would definitely want to see them interacting together. Like Laeh said, you want to see how he will treat her and how she feels about him. There would be nothing worse than dating this man for a year or so, get engaged, introduce them and realize that he can't stand her or something. Best of luck to you.

How is it that you already have a boyfriend and its only 9 months since your split with her dad ? Way too soon for one thing. It seems people can't be independent, just going from one relationship to another. That might be fine for you, but its not fine for the innocent victims - your kids. Forget about holding hands/kissing - what you are doing is not healthy for your daughter. Introducing a 'new man' into her life that is not your fiancee is a plan for disaster. He may be one in a string of failed boyfriends and your daughter will be devastated if she bonds with one, the relationship fails between you and that guy, and she is left with another man who abandoned her. She is probably still having pain over the divorce, and doesn't have someone to fill that void (as you have moved on and done). Its not fair to do this to a child. If you care about her (and I hope more so than any dude) you need to keep your attention on your daughter now and not your love interest. Unless you have a ring on your finger and a date to marry another guy, do not introduce him to her. Too many parents only think about themselves and do not put their children as number 1 priority. I have been divorced 3 years and have not even dated - I wouldn't do that to my kids. Bringing in some other 'dude' into their lives when they already are still struggling due to the divorce, forget it. Your 4 year old may not even be able to express her feelings over the divorce, but trust me she is hurt.
When my kids are out of the house in another 8 years I will consider possibly dating. That way no one else will be hurt in the mix. My kids are my number one priority.

Come on this isn't the 1950's. Everyone has divorced people they know. Be honest with your daughter before someone else tells her you have a special man in your life.
It is very important to see how a new boyfriend treats your child. If he doesn't like her or really accept her or uses strong discipline you will know to dump him.
And, really honestly tell her you and her father are no longer together so that she does not expect him to return to living with you.
Children are smarter than we give them credit for.
Let this be your rule.
I was divorced. I decided that I would marry a man who would raise them to be the people I wanted them to be if I were not there to do it. I went by that rule and though my children are grown he is still their father and the grandfather of their children.

I strongly advise you to keep your child from bonding with a boyfriends until you are certain the relationship will last. My mom brought a lover into my and my sisters' lives when I was seven, and we all adored him. There were promises of happily ever after. Then my mom got pregnant, and he left for his "real" family. I still feel the heartbreak 55 years later. Protect your child from that, please.

i don't agree with introducing them. i agree with Bug 100%.

in this day and age, multiple boyfriends of mom seems to be the norm. you guys have not been together that long. you have not been split from her dad that long. so this relationship may last, what, a year? two? you're setting her up for heartache. why is it so important to you to do that? this is not her new family - this is your current boyfriend.

Well, first off, unless you're seriously involved with this man, I wouldn't involve the kids at all. If you ARE serious though, then I would go ahead and save the displays of affection until later on. It's not been that long since you've separated from her dad. Just go ahead and introduce him as your friend and just be friendly towards one another. Once they develop a bond and your daughter seems to be comfortable around him then I would go ahead and explain that he's your boyfriend. Good luck! P.S.--none of these women know your situation. I wouldn't listen to the judgemental, snotty comments. ;)

you tell her that he is mommys friend and we are going to save gas by going together. and you can hold hands with friends. heck........i hold friends hands all the time. :) enjoy your minigolf game. :)

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you tell her that he is mommys friend and we are going to save gas by going together. and you can hold hands with friends. heck........i hold friends hands all the time. :) enjoy your minigolf game. :)

you don;t have to explain why you're hanging out, hes a friend and you're all enjoying time together...i've been dating my bf for 7 months and hes met my daughter a few times and we still don't show any affectin in front of her...its kinda fun to sneak in a hug when she runs ahead anyway