Disobedient Son! HELP!

Read the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp and try some of the techniques. We have a "think about it" corner too and my daughter goes there to think about what she did. She seems to like it actually, which is kind of funny. She'll throw a tantrum and I'll ask if she wants to go to the "think about it" corner. She says "yes" and goes, then calms down. Mind you this doesn't stop her from doing something later, but for the moment, it stops her from whatever she is doing. Raising my voice doesn't help. Using some of the techniques in the book helped, but I need a refresher since I read it a year ago. I've found laughter and diversion often works with my daughter. I don't know if it would work with every child though.

Good luck!

Don't feel bad because there are a lot of women who are in this position. As a former teacher, I love Supernanny. I suggest watching her show and reading her book. She is wonderful. Number one thing to remember here is that you are the parent, and your job is to teach and model for your son on how to behave. (Not that I'm saying you aren't) Just be consistent and firm. Make sure you have clear and concise rules and consequences for breaking the rules...and follow through with them in the same manner each time. He will eventually get the idea that you will not budge.

As for the toys being taken away from him, there has to be a closet/room/storage that has a lock on it, so he is not able to get to it. Remember, you are the parent, and you should not let your child run the household. He joined your life...not the other way around.

If he is coloring on the walls, then put the crayons where he will not be able to reach them such as a locked storage. If he does earn the priviledge (for good behavior) to use the crayons again, then sit with him, so that you have complete control of them. Just keep showing him who the boss is...then let him slowly earn his independence by showing you that he can do it.

Instead of spanking, get down on his level, grab his hands, lower your voice, and use a very firm tone with him. It will work...I promise you. It may take awhile, but it works better than hitting. Use time out. The reason most kids behave badly is to get your attention. They will get your attention in any manner...whether it's a positive or negative attention. Give him a lot of positive reinforcement, and if he's just throwing a tantrum to get your attention, then simply ignore him.

Just be strong...YOU ARE THE PARENT...be strong!!! You can do this. A 2 year old does not rule the house...the Mama does.

There's a book called "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Jim Fay. It has completely changed my outlook on parenting. There is also a book by the same author called "Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood" that is specific for toddlers through age 5 or 6. Basically is condenses the principles in the original book and gives some specific examples regarding behavior issues with younger kids. It's a pretty quick read too (the original book is much longer).

I've also read the Super Nanny book and her advice is very similar to the "love and logic" approach. I love some of the wording she uses in her approach and have adopted it with my own kids. It works EVERY time! It may take some getting used to, but once you're over the initial hurdle of changing the way you do things, it's wonderful.

Just keep reminding yourself, as ther moms already mentioned: consistency, consistency, consistency.

Once you make up your mind on how to respond to a certain situation, do it the same way every time, all the time.

E.,
The simple answer is also the hardest thing as a mom to do..CONSISTENCY! I hate that word, cuz I know that the kids try me because at one time or another, they got what they wanted. That said, obviously we cant be perfect partents all the time, but regardless of a mistake or 2 we are still the boss. My 3 yr old daughter is pretty mean to my oldest also, and I have a hard time with deciding how to handle that one, but most of the time I have to separate them. My oldest gets special things while the 3 yr old is napping, helping her to understand that because she is bigger she gets more privilages. But in turn I expect more from her behavior. Even things like extra responsibility around the house has helped her to behave like a big girl. I am an inhome child care provider and can tell you from 10 years of experience that he will be better for someone else than for you, so dont worry so much about his behavior surfacing at day care. Although I am not a big supporter of out of home day cares, if you are considering putting him somewhere else, even part time, it may help. Childcare providers cant be as relaxed about rules with the number of kids we care for, so there is more consistency. Also he will be less bored if you are sure to include a preschool type program, and he gets to be with other kids. Often times I tell my parents what is working here, and then they carry it over to home time as well. There are no magic answers, but hopefully things will get better. I am by no means a perfect parent, but as a childcare provider for so long, I have learned quite a few things over the years, so feel free to email with any other questions, or just a friendly word of advice. We all need it from time to time! A..... ____@____.com

Where do you live?

You should consider enrolling him in a Karate program (I think most of them accept kiddos at age 3). If you find the right program, it will help with discipline and promote courtesy, respect and self-control.

Additionally, I would recommend that you read The Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson.

Karate and this book helped me get through a difficult year with my son.

Good luck!

Oh, I feel your pain! ;o) Pretty crazy isn't it. The best advise I've received is the "Love & Logic" series. Check it out online (google). I'd suggest buying the DVD's so you can listen in the car. If you're anything like me you don't have time to read. It's based on some fundamental principals which I'm finding to be pretty good.

I wish you luck! Ask me any more questions if you'd like. I, too, have a fiesty 2-1/2 year old.

Warmly, S.

o/` You've got to ac-cen-tu-ate the positive to e-li-mi-nate the negative. Latch onto the af-firm-ative and don't mess with Mister-in-between.o/`

A fun song with meaningful words. I learned it to sing to my daughters when they were toddlers and still sing it to myself (for encouragement) and to my daycare children....since my daughters are 34 and 37 now! I'm sure you can find it online. :o)

Hi E.,

In addition to all the other great advice, make sure he is getting enough sleep at night and nap time. Little ones need way more sleep than most of us realize!! My little guy will be 2 next month, and I've noticed that he will really act out if he's lacking on sleep (my 5 yr old is the same way). You could try moving his bedtime up by 30 minutes and make sure his nap times are consistant every day.

Good luck!

:-) H.

OMG, I feel your pain. My son just turned 3. I called my mom and wanted to know why no one told me about the terrible 3's! My son has started making a gun with his hands and 'shooting' me when he gets mad. He is also screaming and talking through his teeth. It's tiring, but I address it EACH time. In the moment, when he misbehaves he has to sit down in the time out chair, or I take the toy away, or turn off the tv. At times i've had to sit down with him and talk him through calming himself down. I was also surprised to see how much positive reinforcement helps. Praise him when he is doing good. Praise him when he shares, eats his food, picks up his toys, etc. Daycare will help so I would enroll him. Peer presure helps in that he sees how other behavior. My mom advised to get this under control and show him who is boss now, or there will be trouble down the road. Hang in there. D.

Hi E.,
I honestly don't feel that spanking is teaching a child to hit- I also don't think it is the "Be all end all" as punishments go.
I use spanking (I have kids ages 9,5,4 and 2, but they know it is a consequence for very specific actions. I also only use an object (wooden spoon, paint stirring stick)on the bottom, never my hand and never when I am angry.
I have taken away toys- I just put them in a big trash bag and store them in my room or the garage.
I've said it before- I also have a rug that I use for "getting control" it works basically like time out.
If you want to e-mail me, please feel free!
D.