Discussing Race with Children

I do feel that my son is "colorblind" to a good extent. He has been taught all of his life that some people have blond hair, some people have brown hair, some people are tall, some people are short, some people have white skin and some people have brown skin. It's a non-issue to him.
I felt very proud last year at a beach resort where we stayed for vacation. The kids were so diverse, they looked like a group from the UN! He never said a single word about being the only white skinned, blonde kid there. I don't think he ever noticed. I just answer any questions he has with a factual, straight answer.

I think your explanations of how God created everyone is sufficient. To over explain makes you look nervous and gives your children the idea that there is something to be worried about. I'm white from the south. My husband is Puerto Rican from Illinois. He has cousins married to black women. Our church has every different kind of nationality. At times we have seen someone in a store that was different from ourselves (like a couple in which the husband was a midget...I'm sure that's not politically correct these days). My kids have asked questions...I just told them basically what you have said to yours and they are just fine with that.

I was raised a good bit in the south, but my father grew up in the north. I grew up in the military exposed to all kinds in all kinds of places. Racism exists every where in every culture...and not just racism..prejudice of every form. All of us has some kind of hangup from our childhood or youth. It is impossible for anyone to have no inkling of distrust or dislike of some group somewhere. Now days it's gotten so crazy with the political correctness that people don't even want to speak the truth about an individual for fear of what someone might think. You can't say a thing about President Obama without someone calling you a racist. We are all way too tense.

Teach your children that we are all different. That you approach everyone with kindness and respect regardless of what they look like, where they come from, how much money they have or don't have......

Set the example for them and they will learn from you. If they ask you a question, then answer it, but don't go into all the gory details and fill their heads with notions that make them ponder whether stereotypes are true.

And by all means teach them that hatred, fear, and plain meaness can come from Anyone for Any reason.

The most ridiculous thing I ever heard was a student telling me that I gave him an F because he was black. When we got into a discussion about racism he explained to me that he couldn't be a racist because he was black.

I had an uncle up north tell me the south was just full of racists right after I heard him make comments about stingy Jews.

And I heard my black classmates call Mexicans beaners in AZ.

Then I have a cousin that went to an all white highschool, but they looked down their noses at each other depending on their name or financial standing in the community.

It's all based on fear of the unknown or the assumptions made out of ignorance. Teach your kids that God loves us all, created us all, and died for us all...and who are we to telll God He had it all wrong.

I don't have any answer to your question, however, I think the way explained different colored skin was fabulous.

I'm not sure how old your kids are, but I think you gave them a good explanation. I know Rochester, MN is a long way from Lincoln, but this summer the public library here is hosting a huge display about race that would be appropriate for older kids. I have even learned some things from the promotional information like fact that the term race wasn't even used anywhere until the 1500s. America was the first country to enslave people based on a single physical feature. There is no single gene that determines a person's "race". You are more likely to find genetic differences between people from the same ethnic background than between people from different ethnic backgrounds. But, the display also discusses how real racism is. If your kids are older it might be worth a road trip to see the display. There is info on the library's web page.

I teach my children about different ethnicity by having a diverse crowd of friends...lucky I guess. I was always worried about this same issue, as I come from a racist family and live in smalltown, USA. I knew at a very young age (six) that it was stupid...especially cuz they all wanted to get a TAN in the summer!?!? HAHAHA on them. My son is Italian. I have a niece that is Hispanic, about five that are Black, a couple of Native Americans, 3 Puerto Ricans... I love it! ...and we always have learning to do from one another's cultures. (plus it makes for great pics.)
I guess my point is... I wouldn't make an issue about it. When you see a black girl with beautiful skin... say it! Even if not to her but to your children. You see an Asian woman with her thick straight black hair... point it out to them! Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes...obviously, you know this. Maybe just start saying it out loud! Good Question!

I've read some stuff lately about the same thing. We probably saw the same articles. They made me think and I agree with them, but wish the articles had offered some actual advice on how to approach it, instead of just saying what not to do. I agreed completely once I thought about it that pretending there is no difference isn't a good idea. When kids reach a certain age, they can tell full well that there are differences. Pretending there aren't any just confuses them, and reinforces them. And possibly makes them think the differences are bad because we aren't allowed to talk about them.

There was a question on here a while back that talked about this, and I actually emailed one of the moms who answered to ask her a little more about her thoughts. The main things she said to me was that she agreed being upfront is better. And to always teach sensitivity to your kids. Keep in mind that you don't know how they have been treated in the past and if you say something bluntly (or more likely the kids say something) they might take it in a derogatory and offensive way, because they don't know what you are teaching your children either. If you say "that black/chinese, etc girl" they don't know how you mean it.

So basically teaching your child to be sensitve to their feelings is best. Maybe using a "difference" in your child (glasses, freckles, something they notice and focus on) to give examples of how to be kind to other peoples' feelings would work.

I don't know if that was helpful, but I am interested in reading all your feedback.

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I believe children watch what we as parents do. I have a 19 year old, 16 year old and 8 year old. None of them have any animosity toward other races. I have always reached out to people different from myself in front of my kids. I've engaged in conversations, and encouraged my children while playing in parks and swimming pools to reach out to that child who doesn't seem to have anyone including them. It's not so much showing tolerance, but showing love to other people, regardless of what they look like and where they come from.
One day my daughter came home from a friend's house and she told me how her paerents told them they hated Mexicans and they should stay away from them. First I was very angry, but then I used it as a teaching moment. I asked her how she would feel if one of her friends was not allowed to play with her because she has blue eyes and talks different than they do. She got it! She knows it is wrong to judge people by where they came from and how they look. And yes, the God conversation did and does happen in this household too. God made each of us in his image and we are wonderfully made. Who are we to categorize His great works? Love our neighbors, and learn how great people are!

I don't think "color blindness" is the wrong way to go.. that is just political hype in my eyes. I don't think there is a right or wrong way just so long as you get the job done. Most children are color blind unless they are taught by their parents differently. I just taught my children that we are all the same inside and that their are shades of people and that shouldn't be an issue. One thing is I wouldn't push it or make it a constant talking point.

why do you need to make it an issue?? if their not asking-leave it alone-kids learn racism from their parents-most kids dont even notice the difference until its pointed out to them.they see kids just as kids...

Children's books do a great job of illustrating differences. Start there!

A lot of good responses. I wish I would have discussed this issue more when my child was young. I thought the best way to go was to just not say anything about their being different colors, etc and then they wouldn't know anyone was different, they would accept everyone the same. Backfire, the first time my child saw a "black" child, she was literally stalking this child, wanting to touch him, feel his hair, etc. asking what "it" was. I guess children "naturally" notice the difference.

My son attends the school for international studies here in Omaha. A lot of the kids are children of foreign students at UNO, or whatever- but there is a huge international mix there. I have never addressed the differences with my son and he is in 3rd grade. His kindergarten birthday party- he was the minority- most were from Japan. 2nd grade birthday party all were from Africa except us. He is friends with everyone. At his daycare, the majority was from Mexico, and they taught him spanish. I have never heard that colorblindness is bad- we are all americans- that is what I explain- I have never really referred to skin color- although, when he was 3 & 4 he would refer to the teacher at daycare as the lady with brown skin. My old boss told me that she didn't like to be referred to and grouped with the "african americans" because she in fact was not from africa- nor were her decendants- she was from West Indies I believe- and was offended to be referred to otherwise- but knew people were trying to be PC, no matter how wrong it might have been