Disconnected from Hubby

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and that your focus is on everything but your husband. It's easy to become detached when your priorities don't include him. You guys have been together a long time and it would be a shame if you walked away from your life with him (and your kids).

My advice: put your marriage back on your priority list. Make dates, put on a nice dress, make time to talk by candlelight.

Hope this helps.
N.

Wow....recently, I received a copy of this magazine and yesterday, I happened to read it cover- to- cover. (I just had to dig it out of the recyclable bin for you!) Ironically I noticed that you are in Joliet and this new magazine, "Christ is Our Hope - Jan/Feb 2009 edition" is touted as the Catholic Magazine of the Diocese of Joliet. Don't know what denomination you are but its principles can apply to anyone. If you can get your hands on it - it's a good article. The article is "How can a couple's Catholic faith help in understanding the true meaning of marriage?" The article is written by a licensed professional counselor in the area, Carlos Aquino, ###-###-####. Hope you can find this article. It shouldn't be that hard - it is being mailed to 187,000 homes in the Joliet diocese.

In the meantime, take baby steps. Before you throw in the towel, spend a little time trying to reconnect. My sister with 5 adult children, for thirty years, has had a standing Thursday date night with her husband... sometimes they go to dinner, sometimes they just take a long walk or get ice cream and spend time together. Also, try to find some peaceful time for yourself. You're caring for everyone else - who is taking care of you???

It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate...with 6 kids, back to college, being a wife, mom, homemaker.....etc.... It's nice that, in your bio., you still refer to your man as a "wonderful husband", so there is hope. Take a step back and take a hard look at your life. Are his insecurities causing this dissension? What needs to change? How can you get more help around the house? Is he the problem or are you so overwhelmed that you don't know which direction to turn? It's good that you have recognized that "something" needs to change. Marriage counseling can definitely help you find direction or reconnect and, if you are feeling the disconnect, he may be too. Maybe giving that number a call might be helpful. Good luck.

Hi Libby, with 6 children I can understand all your going through. You`ve lost yourself along the way raising your family. I only have 3 but have gone through our ups and downs emotionally too. I know everyone has, I take it as a part of growing up.
I think today people give up way to easily on thier spouses. Wanting what everyone else has and actually you have it too but it is hidden right now. People say they want that intense love they first felt when they got married, but I dont know about you, I would not want to go back to the first years of my marriage. Yes, there may have been more passion, but those first years of learning about each other was tough. Now that it`s been 20 years, I feel your in a comfort zone and just need to work on spicing it up again. Dont give up. Unless of course your in an abusive relationship, dont give up. You guys married for a reason, ask yourself if he died would you be okay. When my husband goes out of town, boy I miss him and that helps me to know that I want this marriage to work. Have you thought about going on any medications to help you get through this time. I used to feel like I didnt need anything but I take Zoloft during the winter and boy do I feel the difference in how I feel. My family is thankful for that :-)
Hang in there Libby, 20 years is awesome. Know that you are not alone in how your feeling, and you will get through this hump.
Good luck,
N.

Mom of 3 awesome kids, Ryan 12, Troy 9 & Audrey 3
Wife to a great guy for the last 20 years.

Perhaps you can start going to counseling first by yourself. Then you and the counselor can decide when to ask him to start participating. Good luck