Discipling a 23 Month Old

I would always try and divert their attention in most instances.
Also, the 1 2 3 works.
Whatever you decide to use the MOST IMPORTANT thing to do is be consistent ALWAYS. That's how you really teach them is with consistency.
Good luck and have fun this we'll probably last awhile being that his getting into the two's. Then you'll have the 4's.
Have fun.

I found out about the book 1-2-3 Magic on this website and it is working well for me and there's no corporal punishment involved. I have a nearly 23 month old boy that sounds much like yours. Good luck!

hi K.,
i don't know about you but if someone hit me with a wooden spoon it would make my temperment even worse! not good advise to hit the baby. they'll learn to hit back and they will be teenagers soon!
you'll need a sense of humor for the duration of this wonderful journey you've chosen. you know the one...parenthood!
zac probably thinks that you are the headstrong one. communication is the key to any misunderstanding and zac's brain is moving faster than his speech and he is quite understandably frusterated. this is where you have to be extremely patient enough to get him to understand that you are "trying" to listen to him.
there are no solutions as all of us are different but you might try to sneak this little communication skill into the lively discussions that you two may share in the future.
try to get zac to listen with his ears and not his mouth. you have to say it, "zac, listen with your ears and not your mouth please". i've found that grown ups get highly insulted when i use this approach on them, although,i still think that it would work on most!
the babies still haven't figured out that the ears and the mouth are two separate motor capabilities. they are still learning how to work their little bodies.
we grown ups forget sometimes how new things are to these new body inhabitants. yep, the children still don't know how to drive and they want to be everywhere all at once.
the "terrible twos" don't have to be "too terrible" if you remember that you need naps and hugs too. take all of your vitamin b's and steal a few hours (that's not much really!)
once or twice a week for you.
let me know how things are going and let zachary know that mom's need at least ten hugs a day to get by and the two of you will be just fine.

Hi K.,
I'm a new member of Mamasource, M. M. I've raised 2 boys, so I remember what you're talking about and how frustrating it can be!

I have a few suggestions, if you're still looking for responses. One is, design your day, and Zachary's, in a way that minimizes his opportunities to make the wrong decision. The second follows: do not give him very many choices!

It's wonderful that he's your pride and joy, because I believe every child needs to know he was someone's "cat's meow" when he was little. However, every child also needs to know that their Mom (and Dad) remembers that she's the parent, and he's the child! I didn't really remember that with my older son, and caused each of us some heartache for awhile when I finally understood and corrected it!

Another tip is when he makes a mistake and your getting frustrated, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer if that's meaningful to you, and then get down on his level. Take him gently but firmly by the shoulders, look him in the eye (even if he won't) and say something like, "You are not allowed to hit Mommy!" or whatever fits the situation. Your voice must be firm but not angry, and also express disappointment, because it's your tone more than the words that count with a 23 month old. Don't give him many chances - one mistake may get a mild age appropriate reminder, but the second one is just to see how you'll respond, and needs a quick correction.

This probably seems like a lot, but the details do count in disciplining. No offense to others in your life, but I don't recommend hitting your child with your hand or anything else -with one exception. When my older son was about 20 months old he got away from me and ran into the street. I was only a second behind him, and I swatted his diapered bottom hard enough that he felt it - mostly out of my fear for his safety, and some guilt. So dangerous behavior is the only exception I made to my no hitting rule.

I hope this is helpful. Zachary is lucky to have such a caring Mom!

M. M.

OMG-Please don't hit him!!! He's a baby, he is a victim to his emotions as well. He doesn't understand why he is acting the way he is either, and he is not old enough to be manipulative...yet! I found the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" very insightful and helpful. I think it helps to understand why he acts a certain way, and it also gives you plenty of ways to react. Remember your the role model, if you hit, he will learn to hit others when he doesn't get the behavior he is looking for. He copies EVERYTHING you do!

Hi K.,

My daughter was once 23 months old and and willful. I actually found that to be a positive thing. I will tell you this, "discipline" comes in all forms, as some of the other readers may have suggested. I chose to "discipline" my daughter by giving her praise and by giving her my time and attention when she chose to do as I asked. I used "time outs" a lot. It's not about staying in the room or place the full 10 minutes or whatever it is, they react to your not being happy with them, which is a much more powerful feeling at this age.

Most of all, remember, they just realized they can exert power. Just be patient beyond means, and this situation will pass before you know it. Find the humor, life is too short for a wooden spoon!

I love hearing this as i have a 27 month old and am going through the same thing. I will tell you that the "wooden spoon" WILL NOT work. It may get your child to submit through pain, but that is not what you want, I am sure. It is such a hard time. They are smart and curious. You dont want to stop that. They are strong and independent. You dont want to stop that. They are testing their limits, and that is where I think we need to keep a good "fence". I think it is always important to treat your "2" year old like a person; As you would like to be treated. They think only with one side of their brain right now so it is hard for them to do all the reasoning, etc. TRY and be patient, remebering that this is a short time, but a very important one. You do need to set rules/limits and follow through with your consequences. (Take the item away, sit in their room, remove them from the situation, etc, etc). Consistency is the most important. Good luck and please keep us posted if something seems to help. Oh yeah... Enjoy every crazy minute. It goes tooooo fast.

Happy New Year K..
Go to www.nogreaterjoy.org and order the book No Greater Joy and To Train Up a Child...2 volumes...5$ I think. THey will change your outlook on how you raise your son. I have 5 and I am truly blessed...life is fun, they are enjoyable and these books blessed my life. They will help you tremendously and you won't need "advice" from anyone else once you understand a strong foundation and where it will take you...and how it will help your child.

in your post it sounds like you don't like the idea of confining him. My advice is to simply baby-proof everything you can. Get the door knob covers and put those on any door he shouldn't be opening himself and keep those closed. Get the cabinet locks. And let him be a curious little active boy. We're lucky to live in Florida that rarely has harsh weather. Take him outside and let him run it off for a couple hours a day if possible. Find little things that intrigue him for a little while and pull those out only when you can tell he's about to have a meltdown. What works for mine are wooden puzzles. Special books. The leappad. A box with 3 locks and 3 sets of keys so he can practice opening. Coloring. Do things like that when you can't focus all your attention on him and what he's getting into. That is redirecting.
Also, try to make sure his eating and sleeping schedule is similar every day. The majority of tantrums come from children who are either hungry or sleepy and they don't have the verbal skills to convey that to you.
Good luck! You'll find something that works!

My advice, is to be very consistent in your discipline. It will get old, but you have to show them that you are not going to back down or give up. Kids love boundaries believe it or not. I had one (my youngest twin) that would throw the biggest tantrums. They say that when they are in the middle of this tantrum, you should not hang out and watch. Try to get away, they are trying to get attention. Well I tried to get away, but he would just about break the door down to get to me. He could climb out of the play pen. So I invested in one of those small portable high chairs that you put in a chair at the table or already has the table top attached. I found a safe place that I could attach it to something on the floor (so he couldn't topple over) and when he threw a tantrum, I would put him in the seat until he calmed down. It didn't take long for him to realize that I wasn't putting up with the behavior and he wasn't getting the attention he wanted. Hope this helps.

I have a 3 year old son who has been a handful. A lot of the advice here is good. Spanking -- hitting -- just doesn't work. On occasion, I've spanked, but it doesn't "teach" anything except mommmy has lost it & needs a time out. I knew a women who used a wooden spoon. Nope. Didn't work. Her child -- I saw a change over one year -- he didn't learn anything except how to behave worse & more secretive. Also, he was cruel to other little kids (just as he had learned from his own mother.)
CONSISTENCY is the name of the game & choose your battles. Get down on your knees some time and see the world from their point of view. "Proof" your house -- so if he manages to "get into things" -- it won't cause such a problem. Everything in our house that I wouldn't want them to touch is "up." Divert attention. And keep the activities coming. Choose a few rules that you just must have -- no throwing toys; no hitting; no playing in the bathroom. Then reinforce those few rules over & over. Other than that -- divert, divert, divert. It has been my experience with a three children -- that until they are in 1st or 2nd grade, they really cannot "occupy" themselves for very long. And unless you keep the t.v. on longer than 2 hours (which would really be wrong) -- you have to have a daily plan of activities. You don't have to play all day with them -- but for some of the time you should. Once you get them started playing......they can manage for a while -- then you need to jump back in or they will find "trouble."
And, of course, when you "discipline" -- the idea is to teach -- not punish. We have had success with "time outs" -- a chair in their room -- since our children were able to walk. Now they go to that chair even when they are frustrated with life or a sibling. Everyone needs a time out (adults too) when emotions overload and tempers flair. Nothing every gets resolved (or learned) with hitting or yelling. (Of course, just know, we are all human & every mommy (and daddy) yells on occasion. But always try your best & the use of a timeout chair over time really does work. Also, we have recently started our "good sticker" board & althought 2 is a little young I think -- the idea of catching them being good -- goes a long way. Children really do want to please us.
Happy Teaching. It does take consistency, time & a lot of humor. Keep thinking when he is 30 pulling his hair out with his own children -- the stories I will tell!
p.s.
parents who spend the time teaching their children
really & truly do see the benefits in the long run.....but it is kinda like losing weight -- nothing happens over night! (but even more importantly, than losing weight, you have a happier, better emotionally-adjusted child!)

p.s.s.
if at first he won't sit on the timeout chair or matt
--be oh, so, persistent, really & truly he will cave
when you return him for the 15th time (in the beginning)
and the 2 minutes will pass.......don't "overuse" the timeout method, though, choose your battles & catch him being good & reward that good behavior anyway you see fit (hugs -- stickers -- whatever prompts you)

K., my son is 2 years 3 months. What works for us is to tell him 2-3 times not to do something. And then say, "do you want a spanking?". Or we say, "do you want to go to your room?". If it doesn't work he gets his spanking or goes to his room for a few minutes. If we are out in public, I tell him 2-3 times to stop doing whatever or else we'll leave and go to the car. And yes, sometimes he does throw his tantrums just like any other toddler. Best of luck.

Wow. Wooden spoon, huh? That is the wrong message. Wouldn't that tell your son that you could hit someone when they don't listen to him? My son past three years in September and is still headstrong and active and curious and...... I found that time outs worked and counting to three. The time out chair we had was an IKEA high chair that is inexpensive and off the ground so that he couldn't get out. We do not use that anymore since he now goes to his room, but the counting to three works very well. He pretty much stops what he is doing by the time I get to three though I think it takes that long for him to process what I've asked him not to do or to do. Little boys are a bit rough in the beginning, but like everyone says, consistancy is the key. Good luck.

I don't have much advice, as I am going through the same thing with my 26 month old daughter. But, I have found that she likes choices instead of demands (ex. shoes, outfits, meals). She feels that she has at least a little bit of control (which she loves and craves!). I can't seem to get her to clean up toys after herself though... if you figure that out please let me know!

--J.

I have the same problem with my 16 month old daughter. She is very aggressive and when she can't get her way, she hits, pulls hair and pinches with her nails or fingers. If you get away from her, she smacks her own head or pinches herself. The doctor told me "do to her what she is doing to you. That way she knows that it hurts and eventually she will stop". Then I have a lady that visits my home from Baby Bungalow's Parents as Teachers program, and she told me not to do what the doc said. She said that will give her the wrong message because I will be doing exactly what I'm telling her not to do. Instead, to give her time out in the crib or play pan for a minute if she's one, for two minutes if she's two and so on. But she said to do it exactly for the amount of time equaling her age. Not a minute less or more. I've been doing that recently and it seems she knows why she's going in the crib. But is too soon I guess for results. Good luck to both us.

My mom told me to divert their attention when ever they get ready for a temper tantrum. You don't have to meet his temper head on. Find something to change his focus. You can do this with humor and totally surprise him! It worked for me. Especially when in public.

He's two... that should just say it in itself! haha They are all like that and eventually grow out of it. I have to tell my 3 y.o. and 2 y.o. the same thing over and over before they even listen.

I hated that Happiest Kid/Baby on the Block book. It compared children to monkeys and cavemen! You can have my book...

What I did with my 3 y.o. is I bought a little card holder that I got at a homeschooling store. I bought die-cut green frogs to go in the card holder. I told him that if he behaves, he gets a frog. If he does something bad/wrong then I take away a frog. If he gets 5 frogs in one day, then he gets a prize (Like a sucker or ice cream or a small toy). That helps out so much!! It might not work while he is two, but this might be something in Zachary's future to work with.

Time out still works with my little ones. I even put my two year old in her crib for a few minutes with the lights on so she knows it's not for nap time.

I agree with the 1-2-3 Magic book, fried recommended it to me and it helps as well. I combine things that work and stick with it.

Good Luck!

One thing that helps with our headstrong little bull is to child proof everything so he can roam the house without getting into anything. For this age they are just starting to learn about being independent and doing things themselves. So to have someone following them around saying "no" to everything they want to touch just makes them nuts. So move the dangerous stuff, leave the stuff he can play with and let him go. It helps if you spread out his toys and put them in little baskets here and there around the house - kind of like playing hide and seek with his toys. They also love it if you let them touch your stuff - like your books, shoes, tupperware, pots and pans, hairbrushes. Have a basket of stuff in each room that has your stuff that he can play with. This will at least limit the amount of times you have to tell him no. Then you can save the "real discipline" for the real challenges. Best of luck, Jen