Discipline That Works?

I can understand what you are feeling. I have a very active head strong 3 year old and fairly head strong 14 month old! The advice already given is all really good. I personally use time outs. My biggest backslide with my son was the 2-3 months right before and after my daughter was born. During this time I was too tired and did a lot of talking and was less consistent with doing. So, the most important thing is being consistent and stopping the action by doing. Timeouts and redirection typically work best. Time outs can be difficult with busy head strong kids, but most kids can get it as early as 18 months. It takes a lot of work to discipline and be consistent!

My daughter is almost 2 & we have been using time out since she was 14 months old. Her daycare provider started it & she listened to her so we decided to do it at home too. I agree with one of the other mothers that said do not use the word NO alot because then they do not take you seriously because they are always hearing it not to mention she hears No stop it alot from my mother & now she walks around telling me "No Stop it" which I am not sure how to break time out is not working with that.
I also work in my Church nursery and there was a little boy there years ago that the only way I would discipline him was to strap him in the highchair for his time out because nothing else worked of course I always had problems with him because his mother did not discipline him she would bribe him with candy to get him to do want she wanted needless to say he learned that if I am bad mommy will give me candy if I be good.
A friend of mine's son (3 yrs old) does not respond to time out so what she does it she has found his currency is trucks so when he does something she tells him she is going to take some of his trucks & that normally works sometimes she does have to take some. So if time out is not working you may want to find out what his currency is & use that.

I completely agree with the earlier comments. Be very consistant, make sure timeout is only 1 min per year, because too long and they forget why they are there. The other thing I've learned (through nanny 911) is when they are in time out it should be a spot out of the way, we have his old high chair facing a wall. Don't look at him, talk to him, tell him that was naughty, anything. If they get down, put him back without speaking anything, if you feel necessary say sit, firmly, but without yelling. Then when they get out, make they hug you and tell them you love them and tell him what he did was naughty or dangerous. If you respond immediately and are consistant, as he gets older he'll realize. Right now he's testing to see. The other biggest thing was mentioned before, tell them not to do something and that he'll go in timeout and then do it. They don't listen if you only respond some of the time or if they learn they get 15 warnings first. I also try not to say "no" alot, so when I do say it he stops. I say, not for Lukacs (my son's name), or that's not for you or it's dangerous, so if I say "NO" firmly (but not yelling) he stops and pays attention. Good luck and know this is normal.

what i used to do, what age their are then i would put them out for that minutes of time to sit in the chair, then after that i would talk to them, if he 2 years old then put him in put out time for 2 minutes, and then tell him what he is doing wrong.but that normally what they do at 2 years old. wish you luck.

Hey J.,

One of the best books on discipline I've ever read is Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Discipline Solution". It is geared more towards toddlers and preschoolers (mine are now almost 6 & 8).

Consistency is key. If he misbehaves, teach him there are consequences. Right now he's still at the age that he is experimenting so it's less 'misbehaving' and more exploring. By 2 1/2-3 years old, they start to develop an understanding of what they shouldn't do, and they test us like no tomorrow.

It is sometimes hard not to react to the outrageous things kids do at that age, but the calmer you are, the less he will test you in the long run (I learned this the hard way!).

Think of yourself as his GPS. You're showing him the way so he'll land softly and safely at the other end.

~C. , editor-in-chief, Powerful Families, Powerful Lives
http://www.diaryofamother.com

hello,

My 2year old little girl thinks she is the boss, I feel your pain! She will not listen, and she will actually laugh at me. I tried time out, ignoring it, spanking, yelling, talking softly, take away, everything and now..... I ask question's and treat her like a big girl! Ex. I am trying to dress her and she won't let me so she throws herself on the floor and kicks/ screams and runs from me so I sit down and say "Whats wrong?" I then ask questions are you hungry/ tired/ annoyed why? and I try to fix thing by making a deal. If she See's I am working with her she starts to work with me. I think of something she may want and I make a deal. "Do you want a banana? Ok, mommy will get you one if you will put on your clothes like a big girl" But make them complete their side of the deal first. I know this sound like a pain but it's the only thing that works for us. They seem to get very frustrated because they can't clearly express what they want or need, So I try to fish for answers or say "Show me" Its hard to always be told what to do, so let them think that they won the battle by making a deal. Good luck!!! I know how hard it is!

Put the word NO in his vocabulary and stick with it. Don't let yourself be swayed by temper tantrums and manipulation. It still stuns me how my son tries to manipulate me...No idea where he gets it from but I stop it dead in its tracks. He is almost 5 now and he knows if I say no i mean no. Unfortunately, a lot of people say no and then get swayed and then no means maybe. Praise good behaviour and don't pay attention to negative behaviour. 2 is not too young..beleive me. If you let him get his way now you'll be way behind in dicipline. Remember, dicipline isn't an awful. The word diciple comes from "to teach" and we need to teach our children the right ways and discourage the wrong ways. Early dicipline will help your son be diciplined in his work/school/life later on. That is why our children need us for so long and animal babies don't!
Hope this helps

see my response to this question: http://www.mamasource.com/request/8419262255484370945

Ok, so I know my reply is a little late and will probably be redundant but I thought I'd add my info in here too. I am finishing my master's degree in Applied Behavior Analysis which basically is behavior therapy. More simply stated, most of what the lady on Nanny 911 does I've learned the technical terms and background info for. So, time outs do work if you do it right. A minute for each year old is a good rule to follow but once you hit 5 minutes that should be the max (anything longer has not been shown to be effective). Also, it needs to be a time out from reinforcement. So....you need to know what is reinforcing to him and make sure he's FAR away from that. I had someone who sat their kid in the corner but it was next to the turtle tank so they would talk to the pet turtle. Definitely not going to work in that situation- you need to make sure they're away from everything (which can be hard to do). Punishment is more effective when applied directly following the behavior. Any delay will most likely confuse little ones since they have a pretty short memory span. If you're out in public there are ways you can still do timeout with them. It may be tough but it will work. You can do your best to find a quiet corner of the store or mall and make them sit quietly. And remember, if they cry/scream/have a fit....all other parents have been through it and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. One thing you need to make sure you DO NOT DO. If he has a fit during time out do not give in. The only thing he'll learn is if he makes a fuss he can get out of timeout. Then when you finally decide to stick to your guns he's going to do it louder, longer and harder. Also along those lines, if you have a behavior he does for attention and you're trying to ignore it remember that it will ALWAYS get worse before it gets better (its called an extinction burst) but it will get better. However, the one time you cave in and pay attention it will take twice as long next time for him to stop. Once done with the timeout, you can review what he did wrong, but more importantly you should talk about what you wanted him to do instead. Remember to keep it short and sweet- 2 year olds can't reason with you (as much as we may want them to). Also, any behavior you punish you should try to teach and praise an alternate behavior. Its even better if you can get them to learn a behavior that is incompatible with the misbehavior you're punishing (can't hit if he's coloring). If you're not crazy about punishment you can always lay the groundwork for a token economy. If you're interested in that let me know and I can work you through the steps (it can get a little long to explain but really easy to implement). Its a positive way to get good behavior and can be a great way to get them to do chores and other activities when they're older (I even used it with my husband to get him to help around the house more!) Anyway, hope this helps provide a little extra info for you and if you have any questions let me know! Good luck!

I have a very head-strong child also, so I can definitely relate. One piece of advice I can offer is to make sure you act quickly after you tell him something to do (or not do) and he doesn't listen. So, if you tell him to stop throwing his cheerios and he doesn't, you should immediately take the cheerios from him and direct his attention to something else he can do to entertain himself. This is just an example, but the point is to redirect him to something appropriate. Don't keep repeating your request 3 or 4 times before you respond. Sometimes us mothers talk too much and our kids tune us out after a while. Kids his age are really just testing their limits, to see what they can get away with. Hope this helps some!