Discipline Techniques for Toddler

The book Positive Discipline was great for us. For me, the main thing is to avoid power struggles through redirection. Good luck!

A must have book: The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Harvey Karp. It is a quick and comical read. I teach as well and completely know what you mean. I love this book and its approaches work great for my 15 month old son! I used bits of it for my daughter who is almost 4 but I have used every bit of it for my son! You can find it at almost any book store. I bought mine at Barnes and Noble. Good Luck!

Hi J., I am a former parenting class facilitator. I believe spanking and slapping only teach our children that it is okay to deal with undesirable behaviors with violence. Your son is still a baby. Re-direction and positive guidance techniques are key. When he is doing something that makes you unhappy or him unsafe, you should gently steer him in another direction. "Let's do a puzzle" or "Would you like to watch your baby Einsteins video" or "Let's go outside and swing!" etc., etc. Then, when he is engaging in behaviors that please you, lots of very specific positive reinforcement--"I really like the way you are sitting quietly and using all the colors for your drawing. Why don't you tell me about it?" "I like the way you are being such a big boy and working so hard to find where that puzzle piece goes." Play with him side by side and follow his lead. If he picks up the yellow play dough and starts making a ball, you do the same. If he picks up a toy car and starts skooting it across the floor making car sounds, you do it too. Reinforce the things that you WANT him to do. Guide him into other activities when he is doing things you don't want him to do. I don't think you really want him to associate something negative with his crib...have you seen how many moms on this website have problems with their children crying when they put them to bed? He sounds like a wonderful little boy. I doubt he needs a lot of punishment and negativity to behave the way you want him to. Just guidance and limits (which is a lot harder for us parents than just punishing them, but we're trying to raise them to be the best little people they can be, and that's a hard job!). Take a deep breath when you get impatient and go into the other room for a few seconds if you feel you are going to lose it. Deal with him when you are calm. He understands and picks up on more than you think he does. Just because he can't talk a lot yet doesn't mean he doesn't understand what you're saying. Enjoy your happy little boy!!! Best of luck to you. :-)

Amanda is exactly correct. Redirect your child. Remember, he does not know all of lifes rules. He needs to be taught and reminded EVERY time.. Get ready for fits and tantrums. This will be frustration because he does not know how to express his frustrations and feelings. Help him to find his feelings and express them.

When he laughs at punishments, show him with your face you are not amused. Hold him to your face or get on his level and look like your are not happy. Do not react.

If he throws a ball in the house, tell him, "we do not throw in the house". "When we go outside you may throw the ball."

"We do not run in the store." "When we are in the yard we can run."

"We do not jump in the crib" "you may jump on the floor".

"We do not hit people." "You can hit the punching bag".

I would also encourage you to get a small chair that your son is placed in for time out. It should be in an area of your home that is not interesting. He is to sit in the chair for 2 minutes. Sometimes mom or dad can send themselves to the time out chair when needed.. This is a good example to see that even parents sometimes need to get it all back together with a quiet time.

I am having quite a challenge with my daughter...and have been for quite a while. The best advice I got was to be consistent and use redirection (rather than time out in most instances). Also, instead of calling it time out (which not every child can comprehend at that age) calling it sit downs which is an easier concept for them to understand.

We use redirection for minor infractions and escalate to sit downs for when she slaps or bites.

Don't worry...my daughter used to love time outs/sit downs too. That changed as she got a little older and started to realize that she was being punished.

Time Out is not well understood by toddlers, as you are seeing. I highly suggest Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. The most important thing it will do for you is show you what is and what is not normal and appropriate behavior for each stage of toddlerhood. It is very possible you may need to change your expectations of "good" behavior to fit a 16 month old. Dr. Karp gives the tools to help understand what is appropriate and gives ways of dealing with that behavior. He doesn't advocate punishment. Discipline is about teaching our kids how to behave, not punishing them for what we think is misbehavior. Check him out. THe best thing it did for me was show me what is normal for my kids - and they are!

Redirection is key. I taught Kinder and first grade, and redirection was always the first thing I tried before any kind of punishment. It is so much more important for toddlers! It is one tool to teach them how to behave.

Also, using fewer words helps. My son is almost 4 and very intelligent, yet we state our expectations simply and that helps. Instead of "don't jump on the couch" I use "Couches are for sitting." It works! Saying the positive expectation helps remind them of what they should be doing.

I too had a friendly and happy baby and toddler, who is now a happy and friendly preschooler. What worked for us at 16 months was that distraction served better than consequences. Everything is a game for toddlers. They just found out their world is secure, that they will always be fed and loved and that’s all that matters. So game on!

I’m not saying you can’t give consequences. I’m just saying they are so easily distracted at that age, that even if you take contraband away from them and put them in time out, they will forget they ever wanted the illegal item to begin with and the place of time out will turn into a new place to play, even if it’s a bare corner, or in your case, the crib (which by the way I don’t suggest using as a place for time out anymore, especially with the door shut and he is awake). I agree with Laurie – time out is good, especially if you can have a moment to recollect yourself, your thoughts, your household! But its only effective if he stays and understands why he’s there and most likely he may still be too young.

Distract by showing him the appropriate behavior. To piggy back Laurie, if he throws the ball say “We don’t throw! Let’s hold our balls” and then hold a ball so he can see how you do it while he holds his own. Maybe you can even show him how to toss the ball from one hand to the other. Or you can use complete distraction. If he climbs the bookcase, say “We don’t climb! Oh, I see your blue car over there. Let’s see if it goes fast!” Get the blue car and play with it like it’s the most fun thing in the world God ever created.

The fewer words the better for toddlers. Say everything with a smile. Make everything a game for him. Engage him and interact with him while you are encouraging good behavior. Save your stern voice and serious face for safety issues. And like Amanda and Laurie said, consistency is the key. You don’t want to keep reacting dramatically now, because not too long from now he’ll learn to act up to get your attention.

Keep in mind that different kids respond to different forms of discipline. Good luck and enjoy your toddler. There is a reason why people say this is a fun age!

Hi J.,
From your post, I wasn't sure what behavior your 16 month was doing to merit discipline. First, make certain you have created a baby friendly environment in your home. Have you child-proofed completely? Our 16 month old son was just exploring when he attempted to crawl through the double-sided fireplace. He was obscessed with all the electrical cords and wall sockets. We adapted and didn't attempt to break his spirit. We realized our house was not child-proofed enough. We also have two older girls (much different).

Rotate his toys regularly so he won't get bored with the same ones. And then when you pull the old ones out, it will seem like they are new again! Lighten up. Your expectations of your baby may be too rigid.

Pick him up and hold him firmly and limit his motion, and say in a commanding voice " 'his name' BE still!" No other talking or response. Look very unhappy while you hold him. Do this for 2 minutes, then let him loose. It worked for my kids before they were old enough to grasp the concept of a time out.

I second the "Happiest Toddler on the Block" recommendation. I also really like "Adventures in Gentle Discipline" by Hillary Flower.

You're trying to control too much. You cannot control his feelings. What you are essentially trying to teach are consequences for choices, even at this young age; you don't want to break his spirit. He doesn't necessarily need to cry and be miserable when you put him in time-out. He just needs to associate certain behaviors with certain consequences. If he's in his bed laughing and playing, so what? He's not doing whatever it is that you don't want him to, and he doesn't get to enjoy "freedom" when he violates the rules of engagement. That's the point, right? He'll understand with your consistency that being sentenced to his bed/bedroom isn't always fun. Right now he just won't get that.

I hate when people tell me to pick my battles--lol--but this is a case for "picking your battles". As parents, we want to control these little lives--the acts and thoughts of our children--because we take it all so personally.

I really like the book Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. There is a toddler version. The concept respects both parents' and child's needs and is very effective. It works tremendously well with my kids who sound similar to your boy. Good luck!

Do you have a routine so that your little one can anticipate what will happen next? Awake, sing a good morning song, bathroom, hand washing, breakfast, playtime, outdoor activity, lunch, nap, etc.

Consistency is the key as I am dealing with this same issue. It will get better.

The key info here is that "he is not old enough to understand all communication." He is developing his reasoning skills right now and interaction with mommy in any form is FUN! Further childproofing your home (beyound the obvious plugs and cords) is not an issue as he should learn the word "no" now and understand what that means. "No, no. That is for adults. Find something else to do." Then take a deap breath, and direct him to something child friendly, books, toys, dancing, and singing. This will teach him his other options and you will be able to visit friend's homes, hotels, and stores without issues of baby proofing.
He does not understand consequences yet, most peds don't recomend timeouts until at least 2 years old. It mmight only seem like a couple of months, but that is a world of difference in toddler development time and they are so much different than older children. Good luck and big hugs.

We do the nose in the corner time out. When my son was 16 months or so, I would count to 10 or 20 or what ever, starting over whenever he turned around. At this age, he really didn't understand that it was discipline, but it was enough to distract him from the behavior. Now that he is two we put a timer on for a minute or two and he understands that it is time out. I also know that the corner time out didn't work for my nephew. They had to put his toys in time out instead of him. Good luck! Every kid responds to different things, so just keep trying different things until you find what works for your son.

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.

This is the fun part huh...totally kidding. Well we have a 'spanky stick' (its a spatula that hangs on the frig.)
For Zeke's age we just use it to reinforce our NO if he does not obey with a slap on his hand. It has to be right after his disobediance and explained what not to do. They do begin to get it, trust me. He walks up to the DVD player now and points at it saying no, no, no... because he's not suppose to touch the buttons. I'm a strong advocate for the rod...and its not beating them or scarring their lives. They are learning there are boundaries and consequences that don't feel good if they cross them.

In our house we have a good boy chart. I made a spreadsheet on the computer with things that he would like to earn and squares representing how many good boy stickers he needs to earn to get that thing. For example - he wants a tractor movie, so he has to earn four stickers to get that movie. If he minds without us having to repeat ourselves, he gets a good boy sticker. If he misbehaves, he loses a good boy sticker. If he has to take a sticker off of an item that he's earned, he has to lose that item and re-earn it. If he has no stickers to lose, he loses a toy, which goes in the bad boy toy box. (Two stickers gets him one bad boy toy back, five gets him a whole bunch.) It promotes good behavior, disciplines bad behavior, and teaches him the value of earning the things that he wants, much like an allowance would. It's worked wonders for us, since time out and spanking didn't phase him much, either. This also worked well for potty training - 1 sticker for teetee, 2 stickers for poo, and five stickers gets him candy or ice cream.
Now, at 16 months he may not understand the concept very well, but keep it up with the naughty spot. We do that with our 13 month old - I put her in a play pen so she doesn't associate bed with bad. No, she may not be having a miserable time, but she needs to cool off and that's the whole point. They need to understand what they did was not acceptable and they'll have to do something they don't want to if they do that. Keep it up, Mom, he'll get it sooner or later.

I read Babywise II. I was not sure when to start discipline and what would work. The book says to start when they are 9 months old.

It suggested the crib thing but it said to do that last. It said to first tell them "No" a couple of times. If that does not work, whatever they are touching which they should not, squeeze there little hand. If that does not work, remove them from wherever it is they are doing wrong. Last but not least, do time out in crib with no toys. Do this for only about 2 min and work your way up.

I have a 15 month old and have been doing this since she was about 9 months old and I have not had to get to the crib. Usually a stern "No" works or squeezing of the hand. She usually sheds some tears at both. It is not b/c it hurts. It is b/c she does not want me to get on to her. Occasionally, I have to remove her from whatever she is doing wrong but not often.

I am about to start Toddlerwise. I am not sure if it covers any discipline ideas.

Try time out again. You can physically restrain him there. He will not be able to overpower an adult- he is just a baby. Restraiing him seems like a lot of time to stay there yourself, but after a while he will stay there alone because noone likes being held down. You don't have to hurt him. Try not to sound angry or annoyed or frustrated with him- just stand him in the corner and ignore him while you hold him down- don't give him the chance to run and you will not have to chase him. After several times he will just go there himself without having to be restrained, but don't give up and please don't think you have no power to make him do something as simple as standing in a corner- of course you have that power, just use it.

He's too young for time outs (you figured this out already!) but redirection works best at this young age. A very firm "Uh-oh, no pulling the lamp cord" as you remove him from the situation and tell him what he should be doing "we are playing with the blocks now. Would you like to load the dump truck with blocks?" This also works for social situations between toddlers "uh-oh, no pulling hair, that hurts our friend" and show a gentle hand, like a patting, open hand and let him do it with you, patting your hand (or himself so he can see what a gentle touch feels like). It takes way more time to discipline in a gentle way, but it's very effective with consistency, and best to start now.
By the way, if he needs a "time out" in the crib (or you need a mommy time out!) and you go to retrieve him and he's having fun, it's okay. It still "worked" in that you both got the chance to get away from whatever was causing trouble. Think of time out as in sports, where the person gets to cool down and reset his attitude in a quiet place, doesn't have to take long, and life goes on without a fuss when it's over.