Discipline My 18 Month Old

Updated on March 10, 2007
C.D. asks from Hesperia, CA
10 answers

When I tell my daughter No in a mean voice she laughs and runs to hug me. She does listen and stops doing what I told her not to do, but is she taking me seriously. I dont know how to react since she did stop and usually after she hugs me goes on to play or do something other then get into trouble (by trouble I mean pulling tupperware out of cabinets, clibing onto the coffee table... 1yr old stuff). She is a twin and the only thing we have had a real problem with is she bites, and when she is in trouble for that she doesnt laugh or hug. Should I try something new (any ideas) or is it ok since she does listen?

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B.G.

answers from San Francisco on

If must understand that no means to stop what she is doing and since she stops she must be listening. I would go with the flow, give her hugs back and be happy that she stops doing what you told her not to do. I have a 2-1/2 year old and if I say no she stops doing it with no big ordeal. We are the lucky ones!

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T.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

We went to our doctor yesterday who gave us some advice about No and discipline. She said at this stage, babies don't understand the concept of no. All they see is that it gets a reaction from you. The only thing you can do at this stage is ignore their bad behaviour and reward the good behaviour. If you do this consistently, they will learn that you only pay attention to them with good behaviour. My daughter laughs too when I say no. She thinks it's funny. Also, doc told us to distract them at the time. So let's say she goes for the electrical socket. Instead of saying NO, grab a toy and pull her attention away. Doc also said choose only FIVE things that you say NO to. (Really bad behaviour) Biting would be a good one. Get down in their face, really close and with a stern voice say NO. Eventually, she will learn this is not good behaviour. Hope this helps.

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N.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is so cute!! I think it's fine. I would just say something like, "Thank-you for listening to mommy, and not doing that" so you're not discouraging her hugs, but enforcing your "no" at the same time!!!

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K.C.

answers from Tampa on

Hi C.!
Don't fret - my 18 month old son does the same thing. I keep calling my mom for support (she teaches pre-school) and she tells me that kids at that age don't understand 'NO'. I try to sound strict "like I really mean it" and he just laughs and hugs me or his dad. When I read your post - it hit me like a brick. MY kid does that! LOL Just keep doing what you are doing - they will learn. If you see that the behavior is altered after you say 'no', then she must be picking up on something. As for the biting, my son started doing that too. It has since stopped (thankfully), but again I asked my mom. She said it is merely a coping mechanism. Babies don't know how to express themselves with words like we do, so they hit or bite to get their frustrations out. You are doing great! Good luck with the twins and congrats on the baby boy!
~K.

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V.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

C.,

I have a 17 month old baby girl, and she does the same to me, with the difference that she does not stop doing what I asked her not to. Like opening the garbage bin,or turning the TV on/off.
But the more serious and loud I said NO the more she laughs and even claps.
I am in a loss to, because sometimes I feel like laughing also, I try not to, but is hard.
Anyway more than given you advice I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this boat.
Take care!

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E.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't think you want her to get sad every time you have to correct her behavior. I really think it sounds very healthy that she runs to hug you when she is corrected and is obedient to your instruction! I'm not sure what you expect her reaction to be but I have four kids and each one is different. I have one that would stop, look and me and pretty much challenge me to do something about it...one who pretty much never got into anything resembling trouble...one who would obey, but cry and fuss while doing it...and one that is similar to yours who would smile and move on to something else happily. I think as long as your point is taken and she obeys you are in great shape! Good luck and enjoy it they grow way too fast!!!

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S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

How lucky you are for such a great reaction! My youngest daughter also gives hugs when she has been disciplined and has since she was a toddler. It is just the sweet disposition they were born with. Count yourself lucky to miss out on tantrums!

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A.C.

answers from Stockton on

Hi C.,

When it comes to the climbing on the coffee table, be consistant.

Climbing on the coffee table is not safe in a firm voice and down at her level, then distract her to a new direction. Or hand her a toy or something to do. At 18 months, distraction and redirection worked the best for me. My ds liked climbing over the sofa at 18 months. I would say "Ah Oh, Ah Oh, not safe and get right to his level, he would smile and I would remove him from the sofa and place him in front of a pile of blocks, put a couple together for him. If he went back to the climbing I would do it again, remove him and say not safe, not safe! and return him to something else like his blocks.
It took a few times, not once would he be able to climb the couch with out me noticing or letting him do it this time....etc.

My ds is almost 4. when he was at a younger age he liked to explore the cabnets too. I let him have the one with the tupperware in it, after I let him play with the tupperware, pots and pans he would loose interest in it after a while, the interest in the cabnet passed as soon as it arrived.

I got this from Dr. Sears ( your little one is 18 months so I am not sure if she can fully understand this but somthing to think about when it comes to the biting.

Don't bite back. "But the child needs to learn that biting hurts," you may reason. Yes, but there's no way your child will decide that she shouldn't bite if you bite. Try this alternative tooth-for-tooth method: Take your child aside and ask her to let you show her how teeth feel on skin. Press your child's forearm against her upper teeth as if she were biting herself, not in an angry revengeful way, but as a parent making a point, "See, biting hurts!" Give this lesson immediately after he bites you or someone else. You want your child to learn to be sensitive to how others feel – an early lesson in empathy.

Timeout the aggressor. "Biting hurts, and it's wrong to hurt. You are going to sit by me." Usually by two years of age the child can make the connection between being aggressive and the consequences. Encourage your child to say "I'm sorry." If he's not angry anymore, he might want to give a kiss or hug.

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S.K.

answers from San Diego on

Most children that age don't really listen. I try not to use the word no for several reasons. One being children will more readily listen to no when you save them for dangerous sitiuations or if they are damaging someone's belongings. If you use it too much they ignore it. Try showing her what she can do. As far as the tupperware goes. My daughter loves going into the kitchen to "help" me cook or clean so maybe you can put stuff in the cabinet that she can pull out to play with. I think they want to be close to you whatever you are doing. And for the biting..my daughter did that as well. It's just a phase. Give her an apple or carrot to chew on if she starts biting. I'm just talking from experience. I'm sure most Mom's go throught the same things.

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C.N.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

Dear C.,

Maybe she is saying she is sorry when she runs and hugs you. You are the most important person in her life and she loves you and wants to please you. Maybe you could redirect her attention to something else unless what she is doing is unsafe.

How cute, that shows that she is going to probably have a mellow nature and that will be nice for all concerned.

The biting is because that is the way that she communicates right now. Be firm, say it hurts when you bite. I will not let you bite people.
Then when someone bites her, say that hurts, doesn't it? It hurts when you bit other people.

Not a big thing, just normal.

Have fun,C. N.

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