Discipline and Behaviour

I have a four-year-old who at three started singing that "My Humps" song. We thought it was pretty hilarious at the time, but when you think about - it's not. It's especially not when that same four-year-old says, "I can't go anywhere because I look ugly. People will think this outfit is dumb," etc.

This along with several other factors have led my husband and I to just about eliminate TV in our house. We had a 100% TV free summer and this school year we allow our four-year-old one half-hour PBS cartoon about three or four times a week, and our eleven-year-old gets special permission to watch selected programming throughout the week - and that usually amounts to about one to one and half hours per week! (Sometimes she doesn't even ask - because she's busy doing other things!)

When Victoria's Secret ads and Soundbites about the latest shooting from the 10 o'clock news are run in the middle of Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving Special, you just, as a parent, can't control what the kids see. By eliminating that source of influence, eliminates a lot of problems.

They're still going to see stuff - I realize this. They see it at their TV-obsessed grandparents' house - they will see it at friends' houses, but they don't see it in my house. And, when we watch a movie, we watch it together and talk about it. I'm sure it sounds like we're controlling parents and we are to an extent, but only when it's for the good of our daughters' self-perception and brain power. (They do a lot more creative stuff now that they have no TV to run to.)

AND, it's been good for me too. I read more, I'm not constantly bombarded by violence and gratuitous medical scenes, I don't catch myself drooling as I watch another cookie cutter episode of Law and ORder (I still love that show thought - just don't watch it unless the kids are gone and I need some "brain-free" time.) I create more art, I'm more patient with the kids, etc.

So, it's not for everyone - but maybe consider limiting the media your daughter is exposed to. And by the way, I love reading, artsy stuff, karaoke and you should see my tattoos. I teach English and I used to teach journalism - and am a former journalism major. Lots of common denominators. However, I am a Gemini.

I hope this helps. Also - we listen to 89.7 the River sometimes, but when a song about "Pain without love...", or something similar comes on, we change it to KGOR the Oldies station. We avoid stations that play "My Humps" but if it happens to come on, we listen, have fun, but talk about why we don't sing it in public.

Bottom line - our family has a ton of dialogue. We're not afraid of the media we just choose not to worship it (thus giving it power) like many families do - whether they realize it or not.

My 5 (6 tomorrow) does the same thing. She watches older girls, admires her 17 year old cousin who is also a cheerleader and mimics a lot of the attitude. Drives me crazy. She wants her pants below her bellybutton, and short shirts and a belly button ring (she has taped a star in her bellybutton). She has dance moves I don't want to see her do even when she is 15. I have tried a few things that work, but she does seem to go back to the tantrums and melt downs, but any relief is good. The best one yet is the marble jar. I had a jar of marbles, and my two kids got a jar. They got marbles for helping around the house, getting dressed without meltdowns, and listening. If they didn't do well on these I would take a marble back. When they have more marbles than mommy, we get to do something fun. (Funny story about this. The last reward was a camping trip in the Black Hills SD where their aunt lives. My daughter told everyone her mother lost her marbles so they got to go on vacation.) Now we are working on a movie pass and swimming day at a hotel. We are still having major issues with socks. She hates them and freaks out the minute she puts them on. Wish I knew what to do about this. She has to where them. Good luck. If you hear of some other great ideas, let me know.

My daughter was like that it was a pase that she went thru. My daughter I put in her room and before she could come out she had to explain why she shouldnt have said or done. Mostly had to realize what she said hurt someones feelings and such. But feel alone lots of girls go thru it. I am a 29 year old mom with 2 kids a girl 13 and a boy 9. They test limits everyday,\.

Hi T.!

She's being a typical little girl. At age five, she's discovering her individuality and her girlie side. Consider yourself lucky. LOL! I have four girls, two grown, two at home. I remember when they cried because one strand of hair didn't go where they thought it should!! As for the trantrums, set boundaries and stick to them. She's exercising her independence but still needs to know that you're in charge. It shows her that you care. I tell all my girls, "No tudes allowed here." And they know that they need to stop. Sometimes, they stomp to their rooms, sometimes, their little fits stop immediately. When they calm down, I help them to find a solution to whatever it was that caused the trantrum. If there is no solution to their liking, oh well! You're the mom, they're the kid. Your word goes. Just stay strong and calm. Little girls, as well as boys, will see how far they can go to get you all riled up. Don't let them. Stay calm. The trantrums will be less frequent and evidentually stop, because she will learn it doesn't affect you. Just stay calm!! Enjoy your daughter while she's five. Before you know it, she'll be 25!!

Just Me!
S.

I have a 3 year old that makes a big deal if I don't look good!! I think that in this day in age they are growing up faster and faster!! I also think that she sings the songs that are fun and catchy to her and I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. She isn't really listening to the words or knowing what they mean. But just keep a close eye on her and things will be ok
Good luck-A.

T.,
I feel your 'pain'. I have a 6 year old (almost 7) daughter and have been going through the same thing for the last two years. I have been told by many other Mom's, they too, went through it with their daughters at this age, and it will get a little bit better. But then in the next breath they tell me it is just the calm before the storm! YIKES!!!