Having a Hard Time Getting My 10 Year Old to Stay in Bed at Bedtime

I understand how hard that is maybe once you get the other children settled you could sit with her or try making a chart and when she gets five points then she gets a small treat. Once she gets into the habit she won't need the chart anymore.

This sounds a lot like my 5-year-old daughter. She would literally come out to the kitchen 2 minutes after being tucked in to tell me she can't sleep. Sometimes she'd wait as long as 5 minutes... And I'd think the same thing, if she would just stay lying down, she would be asleep within 15-20 minutes!

But anyways, it has gotten much, much better since I started this: I tell her that I will come check on her in 20 (or 30)minutes, but that she must wait for me in bed and not get up to come see me. When we started this, I would set the small kitchen timer and put it in my pocket, and had her wait only about 10 minutes so she might still be awake and see that I really did come back to check. She rarely gets up now, but does sometimes ask when she's tucked in that I come back to check on her. And on the occasional times when she does get up, I just tell her to go back to bed and I'll check on her "in a while". She inevitably falls asleep within 20 minutes while she's waiting for me to come. By the way, if she happens to still be awake when I come back, I make the same deal that I will come back again in another 20 minutes or so if she stays in bed, and I remember to praise her for being so patient while she waits for me.

And on the nights that I can tell she really isn't sleepy, I let her look at a picture book while she lies in bed (the catch is that she can only use her nightlights (which are relatively bright string of lights and right on her headboard--you could use a small booklight instead), and of course she has to stay in bed just like before.

Another way I've made her stay in bed, which has worked well when my husband is away on business, is to tuck her in and tell her I'll check on her after I get through the shower. Then I go take a leisurely shower and get ready for bed, and by the time I'm done, she's asleep.

I'm not sure if these ideas will work with a 10-year-old, but they're worth a try. Good luck!

I've had this problem with all three of my older children. The rule is: you can stay up all night if you want but you must stay in the bed. You get a one time pass for a bathroom run, after that you have to stay in bed. I will let them read until they get tired.

Another thing I do before I offer the reading option is explain to them that their body needs to relax before their brain will let them sleep. If they just remain still for a period of time, they will soon fall asleep. I will also have them think about one thing over and over again. Like the letter "I". Their brain gets bored and eventually they fall asleep.

She's 10, so she can be reasoned with. Another thought is that maybe she wants to talk to you about something and doesn't know how to bring it up.

Good luck!

Dear H.,

Tell you daughter that each time she gets out of bed from now on (without your permission), sports, school activities, tv and play dates will be eliminated for a day or more. Let her know that if it goes on, she will be kicked off the team and contnue to be punished at home because she can't make up her on rules and you and dad are in charge.

Blessings....

PS...following through

H.,

I use a trick that seems to work very well. I tell my son that he has to stay in bed for 30 minutes and then I will check on him. If he is not asleep, then he can get up. It almost always works and he gets the sleep he needs.

D.

The rule at our house is you have to stay in your room from bedtime until a certain time in the morning. You can get up to use the bathroom, but must go right back. You don't have to sleep. That's the child's choice. When our son comes out of his room those minutes are counted and taken out of something fun he loves (t.v. watching, computer game, playing outside, etc.). Boy is this effective when my son can't see the end of the t.v. show because he got up the night before.

Hi H.,

Our 10 year old has always had trouble falling asleep. It usually takes her over an hour. (I do think it's an anxiety issue.) She used to come out every 5-10 minutes and we'd walk her back to bed over and over. We tried white noise. That worked for a while (she liked the country night sound of crickets.) Right now, she reads in bed for about 20 minutes and then puts on some music/stories. She has albums like High School Musical, but doesn't usually choose them for bedtime. She has tried books on tape, but prefers to listen to "Five Funny Critters" bedtime stories. I think she's too old for it now, but she's listened to it for a few years and seems to find it comforting.

The library has a pretty big selection of audio books and kids music, if you have a portable tape/CD player you can put in her room. Does she share a room with her little sister(s)? Back when our daughter shared a room with her little brother, they were listening to children's music on tape at bedtime. It was a little more challenging because they had to agree on what to listen to, but once they did, it helped them both fall asleep.

Hope this helps,
D.

Assuming your daughter is not a special needs child in any way...

I have seen that this is the age when children start having nightmares. This may or may not be the reason...have you asked her why she's having a hard time going to sleep? Maybe she can't really put her finger on it either.

Maybe she needs a night light and/or a white noise in the room.
We had an aquarium in the boys room and the sound of the pump actually acted as a white noise.

When is homework done?

How is she doing at school? with the other children? within her class? with her teacher?

She may have things on her mind that she can't express fully.

Sometimes it's the type of food we eat. Some of the foods actually hype-up children or adults for that matter, if there is something in the ingredients that they are allergic to...

It may also help to cut back on activities and start winding down the day for everyone before you do now..

And establishing a routine that is followed each night so the children know what to expect and what is expected is very helpful (for some children more than others).

Bathtime before bedtime (I tried to do it before dinner) relaxes them.

Letting them do quiet activities such as drawing or reading or watching a quiet movie before going off to bed. A snack before bedtime (either as a desert after dinner or during the quiet time period) also relaxes children and helps them sleep...I would actually make it a carb-type...hot chocolate and toast, cookies and milk,etc.

It always helps to have a routine just BEFORE bedtime and AT bedtime. It takes a few more minutes but all of the children are old enough to participate and they go to bed happy and feeling more connected to eachother and you. I used to tuck them in, we'd say our prayer together (they can do it all at the same time), I'd give them each a kiss goodnite, then we'd sing a song together. I'd tell them goodnite and leave the room singing another song..I continued singing even after leaving the room (maybe one or two songs that were their favorites - positive ones. You'll figure out which ones work - they'll tell you)). They would end up singing also and we'd have singing as I walked throughout the house straightening up the rooms. But we could always hear eachother. Eventually I'd stop singing and call out, "Good night" to each one.

It's a lot of ideas....

1) Check with her teacher to see how she is doing in class (this means, how does the teacher perceive her with him or her, with her peers, within the classroom situation). Does your view and the teacher's coincide about your daughter? Sometimes this helps a lot..sometimes this will throw up red flags. Sometimes it may be the classroom or the teacher is not the best fit for the child or it may be that there are learning disabilities showing up, or maybe the child is anxious about something happening within the classroom (the way they are treated or not treated) or it may be that everything is alright in this area.

2) Get home early enough so you don't have to wear yourself and the kids out rushing to meet a bedtime deadline.
This hypes up the kids...and puts you in a frenzy.

3) Eat healthy..there is something to be said for health foods...they are not full of the additives that many people have allergic reactions to (Some of these go unnoticed because they are so subtle. Some actually make me nervous.) You may notice a pattern after certain foods have been eaten - either a brand from a grocery store or from a restaurant).

4) Snack before bedtime: carbs.

5) Establish a routine.
Have a quiet down period before putting them to bed.

6) Establish a routine.
Do the same things each night before, during and immediately after putting them down so they have a sense of security when they go off to sleep.

And remember, night lights, a favorite stuffed animal or doll and white noise are good things.

My children are grown now (one actually became a voice coach) and I have a daycare..these have all worked for me so far.

Hi, It looks like you've got some help, but I'll throw mine in also. I keep a behavior jar that gets filled with marbles. To make it fun, in july the marbles were layered red white and blue, and august was a beach scene, September we are filling the jar with Skittles....but when the jar is full, each child receives $10. It takes a month to fill the jar, and boy is that $10 worth every penny. Because it is only one jar my kids work with each other to fill it. They are allowed to come out of the bedroom one time after going to bed. That way they can get a drink or go to the bathroom, whatever. After that it is 5 marbles removed for every trip out of bed. As a side note, I don't just give them marbles for good behavior. Because I have boys, I want them to tell me about school. They get a marble for everything they tell me about school. They get a marble for every song they sing in the car--it beats the arguing in the backseat any day. Whatever you would like to see happen can be represented in a good behavior marble. But chores are something completely different. I have another effective and cute system for that. Take care. N.