Dear R.
I feel for you. I am a mother of two girls one 17 and the other 13. They are beautiful girls and i love them to dead. The oldest one lives with her father he has full custody and the 13 year old lives with both of us, we have 50/50 custody. The 13 year old has become very angry and she has this attidude that i dont like at all, her friends at school are also getting preagnant and some of them are doing drugs. My 13 year old daughter's grades are horrible and just seems to me i can control her ups and down moods. Just yesterday she threw a glass at me and it landed on the wall so now i have a big hole that needs patching, i sent her to her father's last nignt but i think i might had made the wrong move. He is not the best help at all i think he has issues of his own. But listen, Last week i took her to this great therapist in Los Alamitos her name is Priti R Sahgal ###-###-#### she specializes in Mood and Anxiety Disorders as well as Attention Deficit Disorders,she came highly recomended from some friends. Well after a few test I found out that my daughter has ADD and ADHD and she is also depressed. She was given meds and will begin counseling in a few weeks. Hopefully she will get better.
I know dealing with kids at 13 and 16 is hard. Hang in there grandma find some help. Do you have private insurance or Medical for the kids they might be able to pay for it.
Take care of yourself!