Discipline Advice for 19 Month Old

My 18 month old daughter started slapping me at around 10 months. I just started doing time outs about a month ago. It has definitely worked. I only use it when I need to. She'll get it for going up the stairs, hitting, biting, touching the buttons on the air conditioner. I only teach her one thing at a time. My pediatrition said the 1 min rule as well. He also said not to put her in her crib. It's supposed to be a good, calming place where they should want to be considering they sleep there. Since she won't sit by herself I sit w/ her facing me in a corner and hold her there. She definitely gets it now. She'll sit there by herself. Sometimes she screams and sometimes she'll try to give me kisses. I wish you luck w/ whatever you decide to try.

A.: The best thing to do to stop this kind of bahaviour is to avoid letting it get started; don't let her reaching her limit. By this I mean, that try cutting it off by totally shifting her attention to a different thing, or giving her a hand at understanding frustration before she reaches her limit and decides to take it against you. Let me explain it: if after 15 minutes trying to put a puzzle together she gets upset or starts throwing things, or because it is too close to nap time she doesn't tolerate something or just you trying to calm her or moving het away from it, then give that or which ever activity she is, a well managed pause by teaching her to stop, think and resume. "Fantastic, you put three pieces together, lets move it to the side and find other three even if they do not touch the previous ones", or "help me go get the other half of the puzzle which I left in the other room" ... or praise her, with a "wonderful job!!, you must be thrilled, but geniuoses need to rest and re-charge. get her on a conversation about whats going to be for dinner, get her to dfecide on a menu that she would like to help with, or something like "artists look at their pieces from a distance, have you tried that?" and then without pulling her you move some steps back. That will teach her to pause, to avoid getting to the extreme tiredness. "Wonderful, go tel daddy that he can see you working on that while you finish it, and he will be amazed". Distract her with a cookie, a carrot a stick of celery or a bite of something she likes and concentration at this age, with a snack on the side will shift her concentration and let patience move in. Besides, her attention spam will start increasing. (she will shift her mind from: time to get the next piece or crayon or what ever, to: time to get the next bite. Either way, little artists need to re-charge! Little by little her tolerance and practice at stop, think, resume, will help her understand tiredness and time to shift to a different thing.

About the hair pulling, try not letting her know it bothers you, or she will come to it more often and "save as" in her mind as a tool to express her madness at her first kindergarthen fight, getting other kids to the floor knowing it gives her power and upsets the other one, or back at you when she is 8. Make a distance, have it up or out of her reach, so that her idea of getting at you by pulling it gets discarded.

Once the distraction avoids her to reach the limit, the hair pulling will not be happening, and the time out consideration will not need to be in place. If the situation gets totally out of control, get the book titled "1,2,3, Magic", but mix your patience to teach her to make good practice at "stop, think, and resume", before planning to implement time outs. Kids learn more with love and patience than punishment at this age when they still can not say to them selves "well, I'm tired, time for bed!"

HI A., my daughter is 20 mths. old and sounds exactly like your daughter. I have tried sitting her down like in a Time Out or in a Naughty Spot like Supernanny does, and it seems to just make her even more angry and frustrated. A lot of times, children their age get so frustrated because they can't communicate their wants or needs. I've taught my daughter some Sign Language which seems to have lessoned her frustration at times because she's able to communicate. Distraction is still the best remedy I've found. I know it can be tough because of the particular situation, for example in line at the store. I pack her baby bag with all sorts of distractions that I switch up, like snacks, small toys, etc... Good luck.

I definately have to agree with Jennifer D. My son is 19 months old too and reading your message was like reading about my life. The experts will say that time outs don't work at such a young age but sometimes a child just needs time away from everything to calm down. I find if I put my son in his crib for a few minutes it does the trick. Sometimes he will sit and play and other times he will cry but every time he is calm when I take him back out 1 or 2 minutes later. It hasn't caused him to have any bad sleep associations as he sleeps 13 hours a night and loves going to bed. He pushes his luck with me all the time but I just ignore it and distract him with a book or toys. The important thing to realize is that they are just testing us. They want to see how much they can get away with and Mommy is a much softer target than daddy. Just trust your instincts and you will be fine. They grow out of it and its completely normal. Your daughter sounds like a dote so I wouldn't spend time dwelling on it.

Hi A.. My son will be 2 on Saturday and he sounds EXACTLY like your little girl. He really doesn't listen as well to me as to my husband. I started doing time outs probably right around the age that your daughter is at now. It is not enough time to leave him for 1 or 2 minutes so I would give him 1 minute after he stopped crying. When I would try to explain why he had a time out, he would completely ignore me, but it seemed to work. I would put him in his crib because he would not stay (being too young) on a stair or chair. I do not feel that it gave him any kind of negative feelings towards his crib, either, but I am of a mind set that things are far too over-analyzed. Babies are babies and they are very resilient: they are not going to be somehow sleep-traumatized because they are given a well-deserved time-out in their crib. It is just a little time for them to "pull themselves together" not necessarily a punishment (although sometimes it is both!)

Sorry to go on, but I hope this helped.

My daughter 18 months old and she will do the same thing! I will just grab her hands and tell her "no!" If she does it again I take her off my lap and put her next to me, that usually gets her to stop, it kinda hurts her feelings. But if she does it a third time she sits in the corner and I go to to where she cant see me (but i see her). I was surprised, but she wont get out of the corner until I take her out.

Welcome to the terrible 2's. Not too many people talk about how they really start around 18 mos (or so). I went through everything you've mentioned with my son. She seems (to me) a little young for time outs. Try some detraction for now. It won't work for long and time out's will come soon. My son went through it for about a good 6 mos of me pulling my hair out then it got better. Now he's almost 3...just wait. You hear about the terrible 2's...no one warns you about the 3's. I've always disciplined with a warning (which doesn't usually work but when it does, I'm able to praise the positive behavior). If I can take something away, I do. If I can not...then it's time out. My peditrician told me to use minutes per age. Example...if she's 2 then time out is for 2 minutes. Good luck!

It is frustrating. Consistency is the key, sounds like what your husband is doing is working. A firm, authoritative voice should do the trick if it's the same every time. For time outs, I introduce them at around 13, 14 months. For the little ones like that, I use a booster chair with a tray, so they can't climb out! Goodluck...everything goes by quick!

yes use time out! she's at a good age to start.. are you giving her enough warning for transitions?? Give her a 10 min warning , a 5 min. warning, a 2 min warning, then "we are leaving , we'll come back another time to play with that" and then Leave! Follow thru is so important.

My 20mo little guy gets frustrated at the same situations as well. I've noticed that it is something that I can easily avoid if I am present and aware of his escalating emotions. I would recommend that you research time outs more before instituting anything like that. They can be very detrimental to children, especially younger ones. They also make them more upset in the process, often causing worse behavior afterward. My best advice is to be aware of when she may start getting frustrated and keep her busy at these times. The bigger you make the situation, she will resort to that behavior longer and more often. This is her way of telling you she needs a change. Redirecting her attention can be very helpful as well.

Hi there, I can completely sypathize with you, my son is getting into the same "mood" mode too, on top of swatting and pulling, he also makes two fist puts them up in the air and groans, it is frustrating as well as secretly cute where I laugh on the inside and sigh on the out side. He is only 13 month, I strongly believe there is no early age to discipline a child, babys are like sponges and absorb so many thing, I started "time out" with him at 10 months, I picked a spot just for that and he goes in for five mintues (crying screaming, etc,) then I take him out and he wants a "hug" everytime and we sit and "talk" and I explain why what he did was wrong. I tell myself it is his way of saying sorry then he listens to why I put him in time out.
However before time out, I say no (loud and stern) I give him 2-3 time, then I will start counting 1-2-3. He usually stops by 2, and if not then I do time out. Believe me, I get so many comments and funny looks and people think I am ridiculous that I am doing this, but consistency and persistance, it is working with him. People say teach them words or sign language at 6-9 months because they will absorb info, so why not incorporate teaching them wrong and right.
Hope this is helpful, and good luck... remember the stuff they are doing now, is no comparison to the stunt they will pull as teenagers hahha jk, hopefully!
Take care
M.

Hi A.,
I have a 19 1/2 month old girl as well with a similar disposition . I started timeouts with her when she was about 13 months old. Generally the time out lasts no more than a minute or so given her age (1 minute for every year). I sit her down in a chair designated for time outs. I usually ask her to look at mommy and talk to her about what was done wrong and how we can fix it. If you keep the language simple she will understand what is right and wrong. I have her apologize and she usually gives a hug. I think the main thing is to be consistent.
For the transitions it is usually a good idea to say something a little ahead of time so that the thought that the activity is ending gets into their head. It does not always work but that is part of them developing. It is reeaallly hard to have to deal with and can be draining on mom but luckily you have a daughter with a great personality so it is not all the time.

I have used choices such as..." please sit down or it will be time for a time-out" 1 minute is appropriate for a time out for a 19 month old. I do mine in the crib and they are VERY rare now (at age 2) since I have been consistent. 2 minutes when she is closer to two. When I return to her crib after 1 minute, I ask her to say she's sorry or give a hug. As I put her in the crib I say, "you are getting a time out because you did not listen to momma"

In general, keep demands in the positive ("please sit" rather than "don't stand") and warn of expectations "One more time and then we're all done". Most important...stay calm! If you are getting too frustrated you may need to give a time out for yourself. Remember; happy mom, happy baby!