Discipline - Virginia Beach,VA

Z.,

I was single mom for 10 years and you will make it. I found that corner time worked wonders for my son and none of this one minute for each year garbage. When he really needed punishment, he spent anywhere from 30-45 minutes with his nose in the corner. In actuality, it was only 20-30 minutes but it seemed like forever to him. He learned very quickly that his behavior would not be tolerated. It helped that I had the support of my parents with whom we lived for the first 6 years. They never questioned my authority and that is a problem that you absolutely must tackle before anything will improve. Good luck! Don't back down and don't give up. My son is now 12 and he's a great kid with wonderful manners. You will make it!

J.

I think the first thing you need to do is have a talk with your parents. Although it's the grandparents job to spoil the kids, in your unique situation that just won't work. I had to do this with my MIL. She doesn't live with us, but right around the corner and my son (2 1/2) spends a lot of time with her. I just told her that I think it's great that Caleb could have a close relationship with her and I understand that she wants to spoil him, but that his behavior was getting out of control so she needed to set some boundaries with him. She still spoils him to death at her house, but when she's in our house and he comes crying to her - she just says 'Mommy told you no'. She still gets to be the good guy but not give in to him.

Good luck!

Dear Z.,

The "attitude" seems to start at the stroke of three. My daughter did the same thing. My family practitioner gave me the best parenting advice I have ever received (she has a daughter, too). When your child starts whining or speaking to you incorrectly, simply say "I can't hear you." They figure out very quickly how you want them to act and speak to you. Of course, you have to give them a good example to follow with the "pleases" and "thank you's." The phrase is very hard to say at first, but you will soon get the hang of it.

Also, "when/then" works great. "When I'm finshed doing the breakfast dishes, then we can go outside. When you can ask me nicely to go outside, then we can go out." etc.

The Supernanny's secret weapon is the "naughty area." Find one in your house where your son can't break anything or hurt himself. When he acts ugly, he has to go the the naughty place for three minutes (one minute for each year he is old). Just remember it may take an hour to keep him in the naughty area for three minutes. Let your parents know you are doing this so they can be on the same page with you. When my daughter has issues and she knows she is getting out of control, she will put herself into her "quiet corner."

Finally, don't be scared of tantrums. Don't give into them. Ignore them as best you can. Give into the tantrums now, and you'll regret it when he is older. I view tantrums as a way for kids to blow off extra energy; my daughter sleeps better after she has one.

He's simply 3!! That's when the attitude begins. It was like my son turned into another child at that age. We just used the time out techniques like Supernanny does and it seemed to curb it some. He seemed to be just experimentally pushing the limits and found out what they were real quick. Of course, his grandparents weren't sabotaging our efforts either! Good luck with that.

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.

Dear Z.,

My daugther is 2 1/2. She's wild and unruley. But that's just a typical 2 year old I'm sure. The best thing I would say is maybe have a talk with your parents and tell them what your doing to discipline your child. I know its hard cause my IL's don't punish ours at all. Just be stern and get on his level and let him know that what he's doing is wrong and he needs to go to time out. That's what we're doing with ours. She wont't stay there so we have to take her and put her back in there and let her know her 2 minutes wasn't up. She pitches a fit but its something she's gotta learn. Good luck hun.

Z. P, sounds like to me that the problem is not your 3 year old son it is your parents. I had that same problem with my mom with my first, second and third child that she pretty much let them do what ever they wanted to. In other words, i had no control over my children when it came to the grandparent but I finally got feed up and i told her "look Mother, I love you and I appreciate your help with the children and I understand that you are the grandparent but I am their mother and by you not standing by my decision to correct the children my way is showing the children how to be underhanded and controlling and I would really appreciate it if you would let me raise my children and you assist not let them have there way, because it is causing BIG problems". But it in your own words and just let them know how you feel and if they love you than they will respect your wishes, it is just that simple and alot of time we make things hard for ourselves by not saying something. Start speaking up and watch the difference. IT REALLY WORKS!! P. S. (really it is P. C)

HI Z.,

First I want you to take a deep breath and blow it all out, now, say I am a good mother. There, that is the first step in taking care of your discipline issues.

Children NEED their boundaries. It sounds like you have just recently moved in with your parents? Or them in with you? This is one of the things that threaten our children's boundaries. Your son WANTS you to make Grandma and Grandpa to stay in the boundaries that you had set for him. Gma and Gpa want to be all permissive and all and that is good under some circumstances but in this case it is making your son scared.

Here is what I want you to do. Make a cup of nice hot tea, get by yourself with a note pad and a pen and make a list of boundaires that you want for your son. Things like, "Pajama time is 8:30 pm with bedtime at 9:00 and lights out at 9:15" or something like that. Make a list of everything. "For breakfast my son may eat cereal and toast only" "His shoes will be put up before he can have a snack" You get the picture.

Then I want you to type it all out, make copies and then sit down with your parents. Tell them that there have been some places where you think they are trying to usurp your authority and you wanted to make sure that you all are on the same page.

Also give a copy to your pastor. It helps to be held accountable.

I hope this helps, I will be praying for you.

W.

Ah, the terrible threes. I'm not too sure why they call twos terrible because it wasn't till my kids turned three that they did anything I'd call "terrible." What can you do? Well, buy a book on discipline, there's lots of good ones out there. Make sure your parents know the rules and are going to respect them, kids will find the weakest link.

And laugh when you can. Keep in mind that a difficult child is usually a really smart child. They seem to grasp psychology really well and can read body language. I'm sure you don't want to but seperation might be in order if he doesn't stop this behavior. For one, you can use his visits as punishment for his behavior. Something like, "If you're a good boy, we''l be able to visit again tomorrow. If not, well then we can't visit."

But most of all, you need the grandparents on your side. They can be a big help when it comes to influence and discipline.

Have you tried explaining to your parents what type of discipline you want to use? And try telling them that you respect their opinions but they should honor the way you want to raise your son. And just try to explain to your son that you are the one that disciplines him and not the grandparents and if you have to use timeouts when he talks back to you. If that works he will realise that he can't talk back to you the way he does.

Z.,
I would give him time outs for disrespect and discipline. They say 1 minute for each year he is. I have 3 sons and it worked with them and I also worked in a day care setting and it works with even 1 year olds. One day I had a 2 year old that just wouldn't listen. It took him about 10 minutes to sit still in the sad chair for 2 minutes straight. But he DID get the point. Then afterward I hust praised him on how good he FINALLY did. LOL Consistancy is the key. It, also, will help if the grandparents know this and use the same method. If not he will keep playing you because they don't. He is old enough to know what he is doing. Children are quite manipulative. Good luck

I agree with the other ladies, you need to talk to you parents. They either need to be on the same pages as you or turn him away when he goes running to them. As for your son you need to tell him that you set the rules and he has to follow them. If he doesn't follow them then there will be a consiquence for that. If he yells across the house, ignore him. When he throws a fit calmly tell him that you understand he wants to go outside right now or what ever it is but he has to be patient till it is time for that. When he doesn't follow the rules put him in time out for 3 mins. And if he throws a fit there then his time doesn't start till he can be there quietly. Also, try to fit the punishment with the offence. If he doesn't pick up his toys then they get take the ones to be picked up and take them away. At his age, he will test you and push buttons you didn't think you had!! But you need to stay calm and consistant and he'll figure it out sooner than later.

My daughter used to do that when we would visit at my dad's house. If I told her no she would go to every person in the house till she got what she wanted. Never worked though! hehe At this age they are leaning about the boundries of the world and testing the limits.

Good luck to you and I hope you get your parents to work with you and not against you!

S.

Z., he is testing authority. He know he can get a rise out of you by going to your parents. Make sure your parents are on your side too. They will have to tell him that what mommy says is how it is. That have to support your way of raising your son.

I would also let himknow that you do not like the way he is talking to you and you want him to stop it. Do you redirect his behavior when he is doing something that you don't like? If redirection don't work, then you will need to put him in time out. Time out is 1 minute per year of his age. He will have to sit in time out for 3 minutes and when it is done, then you talk about why he was in there. Every minute he gets out adds a minute on, so let him know that. He is just testing you guys at this time to see who chain he can rattle. It will get better.

When a child is misbehaving it is usually out of anger, frustration, fear or some other emotion. The child most often is not fully aware of why or where these feelings come from, only that he or she is upset. What children need most at such times, according to Weininger, is a “time in” with a parent.http://www.justaskbaby.com/blogs/professor-elkind/time-out