Disappointment

Are you kidding me. Our third daughter had a terminal birth defect. She died 7 minutes after being born. When we were blessed to have another we didn't care what it was as long as it was healthy. The HR ultra sound showed that our 4th may have a club foot. It didn't matter he didn't have the birth defect that his sister had. We saw he had a skull and we were happy past that it didn't matter.
He was born premature and was in the nicu for 10 days. He is perfectly healthy now Thanks God, but it wouldn't matter. Your children are not yours they are Gods, he allows you to assist him in caring for his children. Consider yourself blessed that you can have 2 healthy babies and be done with it. If your MIL does't get that you don't need her in your childs life.
J.

K.,

You both should be celebrating like crazy that you can even HAVE a baby at all, and then concentrate on healthy. There are millions of women out there who would give their right arm to conceive and carry a healthy baby to term. "We can always try for another" is a horrible idea! So your second daughter will be taught that she just wasn't good enough, and you had to try again. What happens if you get a THIRD daughter? Genetics is like that. You have absolutely NO guarantee that you will EVER have a son. I grew up close to an Amish community and personally witnessed one lady have 13 (yes, that is THIRTEEN) girls in a row and then finally number 14 was a son.

I urge you to not base your life and your hopes on the dream of a son. Consider adopting one. Cherish your girls, raise them well, and maybe someday they'll bring home a husband who will be like a son to you. Your MIL will just have to deal.

Best wishes,
K.

You are a very understanding person. I on the other hand would be disappointed in my husband. I thank god everyday that I have a healthy happy baby. I know once your baby comes everyone will forget about their insensitive comments and just love her to pieces! Only having a brother myself I would've loved to have a sister. I think your first daughter will be greatful :)

Hi K.,

I wouldn't stress over it. The minute he sees your beautiful daughter, he will be in love, and will not want any other child than her.

I know with my third son, I was disappointed at the ultrasound. For me, I needed to grieve for the loss of the daughter I had imagined having. I really thought I wouldn't be having any more children, and it saddened me to never have a daughter. But my third son is as wonderful and special to me as all my children, and I couldn't imagine him being a girl!

Your husband too will get past it. Being disappointed right now will not hurt anything in the long run. I have every confidence that he will never look back once she's born!

Congratulations on your second little princess and good luck!

He'll come to terms with it he really will. I cried when i found out number 2 was going to be another boy. Terrible right, but i wanted a girl so bad. I beat myself up about it for months and then once he arrived things were fine, i looked down at that wonderful little guy and fell in love. You're husband will do the same. It may take some time for him to deal with the dissappointment and to deal with the guilt he feels because he is dissappointed but once he sees that little angel he'll fall in love with her too, and who knows he can always teach a girl to play bal or anything else a boy can do. good luck, youre a good women to be so patient with him, keep it up, it happens, he won't love this baby any less becuase it's a girl and if your MIL does hit her over the head with a frying pan. lmao, i am kidding, really.....You're going to be jsut fine. take care.

Hi K.:
The great thing about girls is that they can do "boy" things and totally get away with it. My dad had two girls with his first marriage and two girls in his second...and I'm sure that he would've liked to have a boy too somewhere along the way. He's a real manly man, you know -- hunting, fishing, sports, etc. So i just picked up those interests as I grew up too...now my husband loves that I like doing a lot of the same things he does, so I'm thankful to my dad for introducing me to the world of "boys." Granted, I still throw like a girl, but some things you just can't change. :) Still, you might want to remind your husband that, while he may not be buying jock straps anytime soon, there's still plenty of bonding opportunity with his two girls too! Congratulations and good luck...

Well hun hes goin to have to be happy no matter what. You cant CHOOSE what your having. Its not upto you or him, its all in gods hands. No-one has the chance to choose, unfortunetly.

It IS selfish the way hes being and his mother. Its wrong of them to not be happy either way and love the baby boy or girl. Hes the father no matter what and needs to be a "grown up" about the situation. There no way to change it so he needs to deal with it and be there and support you and the baby in every and any way he needs to and can!

Im not being rude at all and I hope you dont take it that way but in your circumstances theres no easy way to put it!

We had the exact same situation. Our girls are 17 months apart and we knew the 2nd was a girl. Luckily, my hubby took it all in stride, as he knew it was his "swimmers" that produced another girl. I was the one that was a bit more upset. However, I have to echo what everyone else said--you will love this baby like crazy and it's what you were meant to have. I kept saying the ultrasound was wrong and I "just knew" it was a boy. However, the second she was born, I just fell in love. It sounds so cliche, but I really did. She has such a sweet disposition and is such a mommy's girl (quite the opposite of her sister who's high energy, active, sometimes difficult, and a total daddy's girl).
My husband has a 12 yr old daughter from his 1st marriage, so I think he feels like he can only make girls, despite being the oldest of 4 boys. We are planning on trying one more time for a boy, but we'll see.
I guess the bottom line is give it time and it'll all work out fine.

Not sure if this will help, but when we found out what our second child was we both were a little disappointed. First child after trying for 12 years was a girl. Now our second little girl is two months (18 months apart). Like i said a little disappointed at first but we finally realized that God wanted us to be ready for our first and than right away gave us another. If and when we try again it would be nice to have a little boy but if that is what god wants us to have than that is what will be born. I think in the long run he will be fine and as for you MIL she should know that we do not decide on what we are going to deliver. If that was the case the men would have boys for the most part and us women would take what we have. Hope all turns out for you both. My husband is in love with both his little girls.

1st off, MIL can be pains in the XXX, I think that is there job or something. Just forget about her comment and move on. I am sure she will happy as can be once the baby gets here. For your husband, it is nice you are so concerned about his feelings, but he to will be fine. Our 1st was a boy, my husband only has 1 brother. So when I was pregnant with our second he really wanted our son to have a brother, he wanted him to experience the relationship he had with his brother. When we found out it was a girl he had the same reaction your husband is having. This is what he told me later. He said he wished we would not have found out. Because knowing it was a girl, he was sad that it wasn’t a boy, and he felt terrible and guilty for being sad, and the guilt and how he felt about himself for feeling that way was far worse than not having a boy. If we would have waited he would have fell in love the moment he looked into her eyes, never would have been sad, and never would have had the guilty feeling. My guess is your husband is feeling the same, he will love his 2nd little girl just as much as the first, he is probably feeling guilty for being sad it was not his boy. Just give him some time.

HI K.

As time goes on your husband will adjust. My husband had 2 girls before we had one together. You guessed it. It was another girl. When she arrived he became so attached to her. They are very close. Actually your MIL should be ashamed of herself for even acting the way she did. Remember as long as they are healthy that is the main thing here. There is a special reason why another girl has come into your life. Congratulations!
D.

Life is full of disappointments, some little, some big. Every trial is different, and God uses EVERY trial for His good. He has a reason for everything.

Think about how your husband has handled other disappointments? He will probably handle this one the same. Apply your thoughts on these questions to this situation and help him accordingly. Like most of the other women shared, I'm sure he will get over it as soon as she is born. I commend you for being a concerned wife during pregnancy, a time in life where so many women go through such an emotional challenge themselves that they often forget about the emotions of their husbands.

They often say that what you were as a Teenager is what you will one day get when your kids are teenagers. My mom always said one day I would get what was coming to me when I had my own kids. For that reason I had convinced myself at a very early age that I wanted boys and maybe one girl, but only one. We had our first Daughter and she was precious. But with even that I wanted boys from that point on. With baby number two we found out we were having another girl. I'll be honest. For a little while during the pregnancy I asked why for so many reasons. Hubby himself could have used a son at that point just because somehow i thought him having to be a role model for a little boy would help him to grow up too. I now have two girls ages 5 and 4 and one son age three. When hubby and I dated we talked about having 4 kids when we got married and having them two years apart. Our first was born a year earlier then we were even planning on starting. And two times after that everytime i had a four month old i found out another was coming. I was on birth control all three times. They were all planned but just not for when we had them. And sex wise..maybe not planned. We all have our wishes and thoughts of what looks like the perfect family, but life happens and things change. And my wisdom now that i can look back and hindsight is 20/20, I got what I needed not what I wanted and that is much better in my opinion. My God knew exactly what I needed and when. We now feel called to adopt a little boy and hubby even thinks we should pray about having another one of our own. Either way we aren't rushing into anything but just letting our God in his timing and his wisdom lead us. We don't know what the turn out is going to be and we have learned to stop wanting in these cases because what we need has proven itself to be far more precious than what we want. If you believe like I do you have to trust. Either way I know what you are feeling in this moment but I am sure in a year from now you will be thinking and feeling different. One day at a time and love those little girls they have a purpose and a future and your the parents they are being gifted and trusted to to raise and guide them, what an amazing and awe inspired blessing. And I know she is seen as a blessing even through the mixed feelings. You know after two girls when we found out the third was coming we were so happy with girls that we didn't care if the third was a girl or a boy. With a third girl we wouldn't have had to buy as much again. But I got a son. He is just as precious, but he is alllll boy, and thankfully having two older sisters has helped him to be boy but be more mellow than other boys too. The two boys I babysit are a handful and I see so clearly now why things came the way they did for us. Plus any other way and I may not have the exact little characters and persons I have right now, and that thought just breaks my heart. They are absolutely amazing.

Hello K.,

I have three daughters, with the youngest having a seven year difference from my first two who are 2 years apart. Yes I tried for that boy and without avail had another healthy beautiful girl.
Yes dad was disappointed but as long as they are happy and healthy in this world you cannot ask for more. My youngest is very much a tomboy too. But all three girls have had some interest in various sports which helps.
My MIL was also not so kind when the third daughter arrived but to each their own.
My oldest leaves for college at the beginning of this fall so life will progress and you and your husband will have much joy with two even three daughters.
You are not alone -