Disagreeing on Homeschooling - Carol Stream,IL

A key point is that you can't run away from problems. I would say if it was a constant problem and the school administrators weren't responsive, definitely consider alternatives. But to make the leap, completely disrupting the school year that's nearing an end without trying to resolve the problem at school, doesn't send the right message to her son. It's not really a homeschooling issue, but a matter of her standing up as a parent and talking to the school about her concerns about what happened (which honestly doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I digress). That would be a great example for her son about what you do do when you encounter problems in life -- you address them head-on.

She might have been looking for a reason to pull him out. Maybe she's always been on the fence about homeschooling and this incidence was the perfect excuse for her to do it.

Your cousin may have been thinking about home schooling for a while and this may be just something that helped her decide. Home schooling requires a lot of work and research There are state laws and requirements. There are different learning and teaching styles that she would have to learn about to see if she and her son are compatible as teacher and student. Has she thought about what would happen if something happened to her, like illness, and she can't teach him for a long period of time? Is her husband supportive of the idea? There may be times that he would have to do some teaching or take on more chores. Has she been to a home school fair/convention or a local home school support group?
If she has done her homework and research, I don't see why she can't do it. There are a lot of resources and support out there. t sounds like her son does not have a social problem and there are many ways for home school kids to socialize. The problem she encountered at school is not going to be avoided by home schooling because he is going to be invited to birthday parties, have other classes and activities in which he would have to deal with different personalities.
Has anyone also asked her son what he prefers? He may have friends and teachers he will miss but on the other hand, he may thrive with the individualized attention he'll get. He can still invite the same friends over after school but if he really likes school, it may be best to wait till the end of the school year and re-evaluate the situation. I would make his input a part of the decision.
Here's a website that has legal info about homeschooling:
http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp

Hope this helps.

I would agree with some of the other posters that I'm sure homeschooling has been on her mind for a while and this incident is just the "last straw" and now she's really considering it. I've never heard of anyone just deciding to homeschool at the drop of a hat. It's a big decision, usually backed up by many beliefs.

If I were you I'd just be a listening ear. It's not your decision to make, and she probably just wants to vent. She trusts you.

It sounds like you do NOT agree with homeschooling or else you'd be more supportive, no matter why she decided to pull her son out. People decide to homeschool for a variety of reasons, and no two are the same. And no, they don't run away from their problems, but rather create a situation where learning can take place.

Perhaps you could put aside your opinion and support your cousin. If not, just be honest and say "I wish I could support you but I can't. Perhaps you could find a homeschooling group and take your questions there?"

I'm confused about why your cousin is coming to you for support and advice if you have no experience with homeschooling. Since this is a huge, time- and energy-consuming enterprise, she will serve her son's needs best by doing her homework and making careful plans before she makes this huge change in his life. An arbitrary, abrupt change is not too likely to make for a smooth transition.

There are lots of different philosophies about and approaches to homeschooling; everything from a process that looks just like school to a process that doesn't look like school at all, but is a freewheeling exploration of life and its demands. Different approaches work well for different families and parent-child relationships. But all require enough thought that the parent(s) know what they are trying to achieve and their reasons for believing that a certain process will work well for them.

Suggest to your cousin that there are lots of homeschool support groups, probably some near enough for her to visit. They would be more than happy to share their expertise, advice and experience. There are dozens of magazines, too, that cover a wide range of homeschooling styles and philosophies. If she's serious, she can begin her investigation googling "home school" or "home school support groups" or "home school magazines."

Hi T.,

I'm a homeschooling mom but support any parent to choose the right path for them. Homeschooling is a wonderful thing but it is not a decision to be made in haste. My husband and I, because of our pasts and the state of the school system where we were living at the time, had made this decision even before we were married and had kids. If she truly wants to homeschool tell her you support her. If this is truly in response to one single incident she needs to know how much this will not only affect her son, but her life as well. I personally would encourage her to talk to homeschooling parents.We each have different reasons and different circumstances. Now, to your situation....tell her you've given her all the information you have and she needs to make the decision and leave you out of it....

Gd bless,

M.

I agree with Anna P in that your cousin was looking for an excuse to pull her son out of school, but I don't think that I'd say that to your cousin.

You know, I wouldn't argue with her. I would tell her that I disagreed, but would support her decision. I would then ask her various logistical (where in her house would be the "school room", how much time during the day would be devoted to school) and curriculum questions. If he gets special services, how will she deal with that. What about physical excerise? Will he have recess? When will he see his friends? Is he in sports or other activities - will he keep those up? Can she teach him music or art? And most importantly, how does her son feel about this?

I guess my point in you asking these types of questions is to force your cousin to realize that there is more to school than what she thinks and that she would have to wear many hats, not just teacher. I think her son should also have a say. If he likes school, I hope she changes her mind.

Let us know what happens!

I have found with family members who want "advice" that all they really want is to vent. Because every piece of advice I've ever given was pretty much ignored. I would tell her it's a huge decision and one that should be made with her husband. If you've already given her your opinion, you could tell her that you've told her what you thought and now she has to sit down with her husband and make her own decision. And then when she calls, just don't answer. Homeschooling is a big life choice and I would not be comfortable giving advice like that to a cousin whether I thought it was wrong, or right.

Since she has made it your business I would be honest with her. By the way honesty is always the best way to go. I'd tell her, if the incident at the park has sparked this new idea of homeschooling then you are making a mistake. how will you teach your son to stand up for himself if you get him locked within four walls to avoid other human beings. he needs to learn.
homeschooling is not an easy task. ask her "are you ready to do all the work and then some.' when i say and then some, i mean, socialization is part of academic development. the child needs to learn from real-world situations not from the books. i say tell her what you think

I think all of the moms have responded with great thought. Your cousin is running away from ,instead of facing this issue head on. She may be over protective, but,she's not considering the child, scholastically or socially. She may also need to know there is an expense to homeschooling, books, tests, etc. and they're not tax deductible. It also takes a great amt of time to prepare and reinforce lessons, there is more to it than just handing out books and expecting your child to do it. And, from experience, sometimes the relationship between you and your child may change, (and not always for the good and school work will be affected) . Hope she thinks long and hard before deciding. Good luck, C. S.

More importantly, I'd point out that by mommy jerking her son out of school basically tells the kid "Mommy's going to come rescue you and take care of you whenever the big bad meanies are around". The child will not learn how to assertively stand up for himself if mom's going to do it for him.

There might be other, more important issues that would lead one to homeschool their child but this really seems like a knee-jerk reaction.

If she doesn't want your opinion, she shouldn't ask for it.

Unless your cousin is a very unusual person, it is VERY likely that homeschooling has been on her mind as an option for some time, and it wasn't just a snap decision based on one playground incident. It's more likely that incident was "the straw the broke the camel's back", as it were. I don't really understand what your problem is here, though. Do you think she shouldn't homeschool, for some reason, or do you prefer that she not ask you for advice? Either way, if you are unwilling to open up and tell your cousin that you don't agree with her decision, or you don't want to be her adviser, why don't you find a homeschooling group or two in her area and suggest that she ask her questions to them. Only the most dense people wouldn't take that hint and direct their questions elsewhere.

My friend had her kids in a private Christian school until just after they were in Pre-K and 1st grade. They moved out in the country and the husband decided that public school was good enough for him so it was good enough for his kids. The country school had nice size classes and the principal has been there for many years, as had most of the teachers and staff.

My friend did not like this idea and found fault with every thing that happened at the school. Her husband told her if she wanted the kids to go back to private school then she could get a part time job and help pay for it.

She wanted to go the homeschooling route and did a great deal of research, it is expensive to buy all the books and pay the testing center at the local college to administer the tests. She would NEVER be accused of being a type "A" personality and our group of friends worried that he would just be sitting at home all day and playing outside. We tried to be diplomatic, after all she's our friend and we didn't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad. We just focused on the cost, the time responsibilty, no tv during the day, she wouldn't have time for her regular naps every day, no music, it's not at all like Summer vacation, it's regular school, just in the home with her being the teacher. She found that she would get a particular module and have a limited amount of time to get him through it, then he had a limited time to get the test passed. After thinking on the idea for a while she decided to accept they were going to go to public school.

It is nearly 2/3 of the way through the school year and it seems rash to yank him out over one incident. If he has been having issues all year then she, and the father, or if he's not around then another family member, need to make an appointment and go tallk to the teacher. If the teacher isn't interested in addressing the issue then go to the principals office, and on up the chain of command until she is heard and the issues addressed.

I say she let him stay and research the idea of homeschooling and make an informed decision about it by Fall. I think the preparation, the deciding what program to buy, what the household rules will be, etc...are all issues you can help her think of.

I know people who do home schooling. From what I see, it is highly imporant that the husband is fully on board with such a decision. If not, resentments can build up and it can become worse for everyone, especially the child. There is alot of work and expense that goes into it and the husband helping at times shows the child the family values of it to all. Also, what does the child think about home schooling. He's 8 years old and has friends in school and seems to be doing well otherwise. If the child is not on board with it the mother-child relationship can be damaged.

I agree with other posters that this is not a decision to make at the drop of a hat. She is doing a great disservice to her child if she does. It is not something you can just start doing, it takes careful planning and preparation. I also agree with others that it seems she is running away from the problem, which also is teaching her child the wrong message. Homeschooling may be a good choice for her, but not instantaneously.

If I was in your situation with my own cousin, I would probably tell her, honestly, that I feel she is over reacting and possibly making the wrong decision.