Dirty House

My best friend (we've known each other since Primary School) used to come to my house with her rubber gloves twice a year to help me do a thorough "spring clean" and get rid of my clutter. At first I was a bit taken aback and embarrassed, but then I realised that it was her way of showing me she cared. I've never enjoyed housework - I just do what I have to. E, on the other hand, has a maid at home and enjoys "mucking in" at my place! Happily, as my kids are teens now, I've become a lot better at keeping my own stuff clean and in order. In fact, E was rather taken aback the last time she came to visit cos she didn't need her rubber gloves! :)

My advice is to be as kind as my own friend was - she just jumped right in and helped! Believe me, we ALL like a neat and clean home - some of us just get overwhelmed and need a friend to help us out.

I have 4 kids, I homeschool and I work. My house is usually extremely clean.

My in-laws have no children living at home and their house is a sty. It's just how people live - children or not.

I am OCD and I just prepare myself and go in and try to not look at the mess. I try not to eat there, as they can forget and leave food out all night and then put it back in the fridge after 12 hours. I'm sure their kitchen floor hasn't been cleaned in years...spot cleaning, yes, but really cleaned? Nope.

I did go over to someone's home and it was disgusting. I considered hovering over their toilet. It was gnarly. I couldn't go back.

Yes, most of my friends are more relaxed about cleanliness than I am, and some have homes that gross me out, however I just try to not let it affect me while I am there since I care about them. We all have different ideas on what is "clean enough". In fact, one of these friends will sometimes tell me about how shocked she is about the messiness of so-and-so's house or what a slob her mom is, so apparantly this gal is super clean in comparison to her other friends and family. She will say things about how my house is like a sterile hospital, so my level of cleanliness probably freaks her out a bit!

If it is too uncomfortable, like so disgusting that you have to hold your breath the whole time, then I would suggest just meeting her when you hang out, like meet at the park or coffee shop.

I grew up in a house like that...when I go back it is so gross I have a hard time staying. My house well it is a bit in the middle. The bathroom and kitchen stay pretty clean the other areas of the house also but with three kids I have a bit of "clutter" I don't mind the clutter but can't stand the dirt. I have a hard time going to houses with my young kids when the house is dirty.

Even though I know I survived with gross living conditions.

It's a lifestyle, it has nothing to do with the amount of kids...I know that I am a bit lazy when it comes to cleaning especially the clutter. But I spent 18 years of my life knowing that cleaning wasn't worth it in my house cause someone else would just trash it within minutes...I kinda have kept this frame of mind....getting better with time :)

It all depends on your point of view.

My wife would have a spotless home. I do not. I've gotten much better over the years (married 38 years) because I try real hard to meet her expectations.

I have one DIL that is a wonderful mom, but a horrible housekeeper. Much, much worse than I am. (Her mom keep an immaculate home.) Its not uncommon to find can lids on the counter or floor with the food dried on the lid. I've brought it up to her that she is teaching her kids what a "normal" home is supposed to look like. The last time I went there for a visit, she told me the kids had been sick for about a month straight with intestinal disorders. I reminded her that dirty dishes and cooking surfaces support the bacteria that causes the trotts, and throwing up and fevers. I doubt it will have an impact, but I tried. My wife and I also did a lot of cleanup while we were there to try and help them out.

Some people come from dirty, filthy homes and haven't been taught to clean. If you are a real friend and really want to help her, sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Then teach her how to clean and live clean. Be prepared to do this more than once. You may be doing her a great service.

Good luck to you and yours.

We had friends who lived in conditions a pig would trot away from. After sitting on a filthy wet toilet seat which I shudder to contemplate even now, I put my foot down. We meet them elsewhere. Some people are just dirty.

I have three close friends that are like this. It is just how they are and they are not going to change. So, I made a decision that if I wanted to remain friends with them, then that is what I have to accept about them. Now, I will say that sleepovers are only done here at my house and we don't ever go to their house. I try to arrange play dates at parks, gyms, etc... so we don't have the issue of playing at each other's homes.
Just my two cents,
R.

Is the trash getting taken out, dishes getting cleaned, clothes getting washed? Are the basics getting done? If they spill something do they clean it up or leave it sitting there? Wiping the toothpaste off the counters and mirrors in the kids' bathroom is a lot lower on the list in my house then other basics, I admit it. I do it and it looks just the same within 2 days. I don't have time to do some things each and every single day. My floor doesn't get vacumed every day. We have sharks we grab to clean up a spill or quickly swipe over high traffic areas but I don't get into corners and the hallways get ignored some.
Does this mean I'm filthy? No, I don't think so.
I have 3 kids that I home school and 4 cats plus my husband and I. We have a larger house that's well lived in. It's not unsanitary but it would never in a million years pass a white glove test. There are not enough hours in the day to keep everything spotless. So the bathrooms get a little messy. I keep Clorox wipes under the counter and one will get swiped over something if I think it's gotten gross. But it looks just the same a day later, I have boys with bad aim LOL
Who's to say she's not cleaning things up and it just looks like that a day later and that day she hadn't been able to get to it?

Yes, yes I have. And I switched it to where they usually come here. I find that I am allergic to her animals so I don't ever have to go there. I don't always itch but I always say I am starting to itch if I go pick up kids or something just to keep the allergy issue going. I will not go in her house. Child welfare has been there and they did work with her a bit and suggested she get counseling, she was very depressed, and she is doing better now. They dismissed the case with no follow ups required.

We've got someone on our street that I would NEVER let my child in their house. Luckily, they know they're disgusting and NEVER invite ANYONE in!

I think we all have our own tolerance to filth (mine is LOW--hate it!).
I would avoid being at her house. Have her over or meet somewhere.

Yes you are talking about my best friend's house. I never eat anything there and we usually get together at a coffee shop or my house. Sorry but I can't get past filth. Dust yes but filth no.

It's gross and I often take care of THAT stuff before I clean the mess up. I went to a friends house it smelled of dog urine so bad I could never go back. And I didn't.

I have a friend who is disgusted when her white socks get dirty walking around someone's house, I am uncomfortable when she comes over because I know I am not up to her standards. But she is super über clean, so we just have to accept that about each other.

So you will have to accept it or be sure to have playdates somewhere else.
I doubt you can have a you are a pig let me help you conversation without hurting her feelings, so I wouldn't even try.
If you are there you can clean up & say I know how it is but a heart to heart, I can't figure a wording that wouldn't be offensive.