Difficult Child--any Advice on How to Handle?

He sounds like a very smart and possibly hyperactive child. He could have some special needs but it's probably too early to determine that. I'd give him lots and lots of love and touching in whatever way he will accept it, breaking down his defenses when you can. I'd be very consistent with this so that he see's he's loved unconditionally. I'd also look into allergies tho again he's very young. Try eliminating dairy first then look into wheat or other common allergens, especially anything that runs in the family. Food sensitivites can make kids pretty hornery.

I know ths sounds really "out there" but he could have a food allergy or a blood sugar issue. For starters you might try NO SUGAR...not even juice, no white food ie: no simple carbs and feed him NUTRITIOUS snacks through the day instead of meals. Maybe he really just doesn't feel good and a 15 month old has no way of saying so except to cry, whine and be naughty. Doctors are not always the answer. They don't look past some textbook diagnosis and then put your little sweetie on some sedating drug. I tell people about this all the time, ...it could be something he is or is not eating or it could be something he is allergic to in your home, you might need to see a clinical nutritionist. Food can have all kinds of side effects if the person eating it has an allergy to it. After reading some of the other responses, one thing I would caution about....getting involved in ANY screening or programs offered by the state. Doing that COULD label him for life. The other thing...my #3 daughter was and is what you would call the "spirited child" I read "Raising your Spirited Child". It was helpful. One thing to always remember is "spirited" children aren't bad, they are just MORE of everything. Unconditinal love and consistent, fair but firm discipline , good nutrition...all go a long way. All the best!

Of course you cannot change his temperment and some children are not nearly as easy-going as other. If you are concerned about his disinterest in toys and other children, I would have him checked out by a child development specialist. There should be some kind of Early Intervention program in your state. In IL, it's called Child and Family Connection and child development professionals will come out to the home to evaluate your child to see if he needs any intervention.

I know it may seem like it sometimes, but I truly believe that children do not throw tantrums for no reason. We just don't know what that reason is and the sooner you figure it out, the easier it will be for you. Good luck!

Maybe his tantrums are from frustration (he can't talk yet so he is having trouble communicating). One thing may to be observant to what occurs right before so maybe you can say "are you upset/hurt or whatever" and try to help him put a feeling with his emotions and realize that you do understand.

Another possibility is an allergy or sensitivity to a food or other environmental source (personal care or cleaning products)....everyone reacts differently.

As for the acting out, it gets your attention right? Mission accomplished. I know this can be hard but have you tried to completely ignore it except to insure safety and say "That is not nice and you can't do that" or something to that affect? Then either walk away or put him in his crib (or other room) for a few minutes. Give lots of positive attention when he is not acting out. This will help him see that bad behavior will not get him the attention he seeks.

Good luck.

He has a different mentality and thus should be treated differently than your other children. You parent based on the child's needs, and children's needs are often very different than their siblings.

Give lots of positive reinforcement, praise him for when he is being good and playing independently or well with others. Give him lots of cuddle time. Address each of his needs specifically and don't compare him to the others. Drop the nickname, it may stick and it could be difficult for him to shake that negative connotation with his behavior, and more importantly difficult for you two to see him as anything but that label.... you don't want that to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy for him.

He's still a little guy, so give him all you can. He's also pretty young for social interactive play, so playing with other children won't really matter to him for a while.

Dr. Sears has excellent advice for specific behavioral habits and general discipline and attachment parenting tips here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

scroll down to "Bothersome Behavior" to read on the specific problems.

I read some other responses about the ECI, that could be a good idea. He could frustrated by having a hard time communicating.

The best advice I can give you is to just be consistent. 15 months is pretty young for formal discipline, but it is not too young to understand the word no or start with the 123 Magic and time outs. Buy the book 123 Magic or try watching the video (you can most likely rent a free VHS from your library). I understand that alot of people will feel your son is too young for this, but if he is a handful now--he will be twice the handful in a few years. At this point, if redirection is not working you can tell him no, give him warnings (say no a few times) and then remove him from the situation. You can put him in the playpen and give him zero attention for a minute or so when he is having a tantrum. Any attention you give to his outbursts, will just encourage him to have more outbursts. I think removing your attention is the best "punishment" at this age when they are acting out. Yelling is not going to work and you will be even more upset. Putting him in his crib or playpen for a minute and ignoring him will not hurt him. Also make sure that when he is acting good you give him lots of attention to show that is behavior you like. Basically when he is whining/tantrums ignore and when he is happy then engage him more. Of course he is just a young toddler and you need to make sure he is not crying because he is wet, hungry, sick, etc. . .but I am sure you have already addressed all his needs and are looking for suggestions on how to curb these things once all his needs have been met. He may not get this all at first and it won't happen overnite, but consistency is key.

My next suggestion is is its in your budget, can you consider putting him in some sort of setting soon with other kids? Not a large group, but a few other kids his age to let him see how a group interacts. He will still mostly be doing side by side play, but sometimes just being around other kids helps. Also you may find a great provider/teacher that has experience with "high maintenance" kids and has some tricks up he sleeve =) When I ran a daycare, I of course had some kids that were more difficult than others, and what really worked was structure and consistency. We were very on schedule with naps, meals, play time. The kids that had behavior issues did better when they knew what was coming next--surprises totally threw them off their game. Even at the age of your son, they did better with a very strict routine. The more lossey goosey, the worse the tantrums and crying. Some kids can just go with the flow--some can't. Sounds like yours is one of those that needs a set routine, so I would have one and stick to it like glue if I were you.

My last suggestion is to get a mom who has had kids of her own to babysit for you and hubby once a month at least so you can get a night out and regroup!

I hope I have helped a little. Just be consistent, get a firm routine, and start laying the groundwork for discipline techniques like time-outs now. I hope it gets easier. If it make you feel better, my dd was a "high maintenance" infant, but is an awesome preschooler! So well-behaved now, but when she was a baby there were days when I thought she would cry forever! I wish you the best.

Since you have already had two kids you know what you are doing... if this one seems "off" behavior wise you need a second opinion. Don't discount that he is the baby with lots of "older" siblings and adults in the house and that could be why his demeanor is different than the first kids..... he's had a lot more stimulation from big bro and big sis and maybe craves constant stimuli because that is what he is used to? I'm just guessing. If it's not medical then it can only be psycholgical right?

I would do what CK below suggested.
Every State, has an "Early Childhood Intervention" organization. It is free... they do an overall developmental assessment. In my State, they are really great. My son got Speech Therapy from them, for his delayed speech. You do not have to be referred by a Doctor,

Or get books on "spirited children" etc.

Is he talking yet???? Can he express himself??? He seems frustrated... maybe lack of communication skills... on his part.....
Also at this age and Toddlers, they have something in their heads that they want to do... but they cannot yet, do it. Hence frustration and tantrums.

Does he nap? Is he overtired???? Over-tired kids can be that way.
How does he sleep at night??? Does he sleep well????

I would recommend taking him to a developmental pediatrician. They can check for things like sensory integrative issus, developmental delays and, even though it might be hard to hear, autism spectrum disorders. People often think that kids with ASD do things for attention (doing things they shouldn't, throwing tantrums etc) or to be manipulative, but they often do things out of frustration (lack of ability to communicate, lack of ability to integrate sensory input, lack of understanding of what's going on around them...social norms etc). If nothing else, it would be worth it to take him to a developmental pediatrician to rule these things out. It wouldn't give you an answer of what it is, but it would at least tell you what it isn't. I have been working with kids with autism and other special needs for many years and, as others have mentioned, the earlier the intervention, the better. Autism spectrum disorders can be seen as early as 18 months...and 18months-3 years is the ideal timeframe to get them diagnosed and start interventions. You can find speech, OT, behavioral services at a number of different places...even for a child as young as your son. A friend came across your post and contacted me because I work for a company that provides these services. If you'd like some more information, please feel free to give us a call. Total Education Solutions, ###-###-####. Good luck to you. He sounds like a wonderful boy; I hope you are able to get him the help he needs.

My son would throw crazy tantrums too....the absolute best thing for that is to completely ignore it....don't give him the reaction that he wants. I remember one time when my son was 2...I had people over and he came over to ask me for something, I told him no and started throwing a crazy fit and asking over and over, and I said no again, and then he threw himself on the ground and was kicking and stuff....I said (in a really sarcastic excited voice) "oooh, honey make it a good one, cuz Sarah and Bill haven't got to see this show yet!" It was like someone threw a switch...he was pissed! he stopped, stood up, glared at me, and marched to his room! hahaha
mom-1, child-0!
everyone in the house has to abide though, if even one person gives in to the behavior he'll keep doing it. eventually he'll realize to get what he wants he can't throw a fit.
You said he doesn't like to be cuddled either. It was the strangest thing...my daughter (when she was a baby) was the weirdest kid! normally babies want to be held and rocked to sleep. If she was fed, and she was changed and she started to fuss (tired) you had like 2 minutes to put her down and let her fall asleep her way or else you were in for it all day!! When I put her in daycare I told the lady that and she thought I was crazy...she learned fast!! so strange...
maybe your son just doesn't like stimulation? doesn't want to be touched or talked to all the time? I would assume that if your house is anything like mine there is always something going on, TV on here, people talking there...expiriment once in a quiet environment where nothing is touching him or going on around him?
other than that....take time for you and try to relax, your stress becomes his stress which becomes more stress for you....

I agree with the idea to look at possible developmental issues.

It's my personal opinion that children who are being very "unloveable" behavior-wise tend to have something going on that needs to be addressed. It's mother nature's way of making sure that we pay attention to our young. This is just my theory and I could be wrong.

I dislike labeling a very young child as difficult or "Damien-ish" - it might not be getting at the true underlying issues. I used to think my younger son was "difficult" in certain ways, until I realized what he was coping with physically. Once we got those issues straightened out he was much happier - and he is the most giving, loving child. He's very empathetic, too, and sometimes I wonder if it's because he knows how it feels to be hurting when people can't understand.

I just want to encourage you to hang in there - I'm sure you're doing the best you can. Don't stop searching for answers. When I would get frustrated trying to figure out how to help my son I would listen to Josh Groban's "Don't Give Up" - there is a great message in that song. Your son really needs you.

Good luck.