Dietary Issues at a Bday Party?

What a pia! I would tell the parents that you plan to have cake and ice cream and anything else a party brings! I would definetly tell them to supply the food they want their kid to eat, label all of it for each meal and snack that they allow. If that is too much for them, then I would tell them it is too much for you to stress about this kid! You are going to have other kids to worry about at the party not just theirs! Good luck, T.

If it is not for this child's health, and just because of family lifestyle, then you should not feed her anything different than the other kids. If her parents don't like it, they should keep her at home. As far as medical issues, ONLY if you feel comfortable that you could handle her issues, would I let her stay for any length of time. I feel sorry for the child, it sounds like her parents have some problems themselves. Even with healthy diets, we all need to let go once and awhile.

Wow, This family has some nerve. I can't imagine my kids (preschoolers) spendingn 24 hrs with someone i hadn't meet, inspected, and briefed on my child's issues. Maybe life will teach me to lighten up when my kids are older, but whew i still can't imagine myself inviting my child for a LONG stay at some ones house that i wasn't bosom buddies with.

I think you are totally on track with asking for this information, Just becareful that you actually get it in hand before they drive off. I would go so far as to call this parent if you can, to me that is more serious "you better comply" than a note. And if this is medically related, be sure to ask what will happen if cake passes this childs lips, will they fall off, hives, a zit, what?!?!?
One idea, would be to demand that they supply their daughter with acceptable foods, They can choose to make that as fun as they want and it takes the pressure off of you and the little girl. if you are serving hot dogs and cake, she can bring a tofu dog and iced muffins or something.
AND i would make it abundantly clear that if there is a problem you will NOT hesitate to call the parents and their second emergancy contact to ask a question that comes up or to request that they come get her.

I am sort of sympathetic because i think there are a lot of medical conditions out there that could be helped by certain, organic what have you diets. BUT i'm also sick of trying to accomodate everybody's special "requests". This is a birthday party for goodness sakes. Its unfortuantate but if she can't participate she can't participate.

If you don't want to watch this child say NO, you have no obligations to watch someone else's child. Sorry to be blunt. Just say no.

OK, I'm the health nut on the other side of the fence, and even I see she's being out of line. It's NOT your responsibility to cater everyone's diet to this girl's restrictions.

When my daughter goes somewhere briefly -gym daycare, friends houses, etc -and people inevitably bust out the marshmallow spread, and hydrogenated oil, corn syrup (peanut) butter, and god knows what else, I always have a quick, "Oh, thanks so much, we just ate", or if I'm leaving her somewhere, I'm like "Please feed her this." And I have her snacks with me. If they're the stubborn types that will insist she needs artificial cookies and flourescent popsicles, I lie and say she has allergies so they HAVE to stick to what's in the bag.

I also don't freak out if she eats a little junk somewhere, and I let her have a few bites of birthday cake at parties before I mysteriously lose most of it in the trash. But I KNOW most of the world thinks this is annoying, and I don't want my daughter to seem snobby, so I'm building the best habits I can for her and preparing to let her eat badly socially once in a while-as we all do.

What should you do? Ask the mom to send her food in a handy little grocery bag! It's totally easy to do, and I would happily do that if I was leaving my daughter somewhere.

Of COURSE she should at least make you a list, but that's still leaving the burden on you to figure it out and shop for her kid. It should be a simple list of what she CAN eat and the cash to go along with it.

My daughter could very easily sustain herself for 24 hours on some healthy sandwiches-real cheese, natural almond butter, healthy bread, bananas, apples, eggs or cereal for breakfast, organic milk if she still drinks milk. Normal juice without additives. Natural chips. Done. There's a list. All of our major grocery stores have natural alternatives to crazy colored kids snacks and drinks.

Ask her mom if she is allowed to have the cake. Whatever she says, goes.

And if her mom says she can eat anything-feed her anything or let her go hungry! Treat her like any other kid having a fit-don't indulge it. Say that's what you're eating and her mom said it was OK.

Good luck!!!!

Oh goodness! I had a somewhat similar situation happen at my daughter's third b-day party. The parents were in attendance and they made quite a mess and made everyone including their own daughter upset. I spoke with many of the other parents afterwards and discovered they would not include "that" child in their parties after what I survived.
Now to your situation. Make it clear to the parents that you plan to serve x,y, and z type of food and if they have any issues then it is their obligation to provide a substitute. The rest of the kids should not suffer for one child. I loved the idea of getting all the medications and contact info. I really feel for you having to deal with this situation for more than a few hours. Stand your ground. It is your house and your rules are the law of the land.
Good Luck.
ER

If the parents didn't say anything to you about their child's dietary issues the first time, it makes me wonder if it is a medical restriction, or they just don't allow the foods? All the parents I know with kids that MUST NOT eat certain foods always tell me in advance, and some even supply snacks their child can eat. I don't even have to ask, they make sure I know.

The fact that they didn't tell you the first time, and that they are willing to let her stay with you for 24 hours really makes me feel that food isn't an issue, but it is much better to be safe than sorry.

Some parents don't allow their kids to eat certain foods at home, because they aren't natural or don't feel they are healthy. But they aren't so strict when they are at other people's house.

Definitely call the parents, not just send a note. So many kids today are allergic to something, I always ask parents when their kids are coming over what they can't eat. Explain what happened last time and that you just want to make sure what she can eat. Have them put it in writing, and the permission to provide treatment.

I would also ask if they would tell their daughter that she is allowed to eat the food, so you won't have the same problem again. Maybe the girl just didn't like the food and said she wasn't allowed so she wouldn't have to eat it. Ask the parents what she does like and will eat, and you could provide that also. But there is always going to be a kid that won't eat something, and that's their decision.

If after talking with the parents, you feel it would be better for her not to come, just say no. Maybe she can come over another time to play with your daughter when food won't be such an issue.

Hi S., talking to the child's mother/sending the note is your best defense. If the child is not allowed to eat junk food then just have lots of fresh veggies and fruits on hand for her to munch on...tis the season for watermelon, cantalope, apples, green peppers, cuc's, tomatoes, carrots with lots of ranch dressing and peanutbutter. Most grocery stores even have pre-washed, and cut up fresh snacks in single serve portions if you don't want to take the time to do it yourself.

One of my daughter's friend is allergic to glutten, and it has always been a concern for me when she comes over to spend the night or for parties...but over the years I have learned enough about her diet to have at least a few things on hand for her all the time...as well as a couple of quick and easy recipies cause you never know when those spur-of-the-moment sleep overs are gonna happen! It also gets easier as they get older and are more independant...communication is key when it comes down to it. Best wishes. Have a great party!!

Hi S.,

My daughter has a friend that comes to her parties and has sleep overs that does not eat meat. At first, I was always trying to make sure she could eat everything I offered at the party. However, not I just make sure that I have something she is able to eat. Last party I did pigs in a blanket - so I got veggie dogs and made them like the other girls regular hot dogs.

If it is not an allergy issue - I would not restrict the other children for enjoying cake and ice cream. If she chooses not to eat it because of a family decision then that is fine. She can still enjoy the rest of the activities. Hope this helps.

Good luck!!!

Hi S.,

I know you are having to make a decision that is unpleasant.

1. You are having a birthday party, not a sleep over.

It will be difficult to tell the Mom, I am so sorry that your daughter can not sleep over, it is a party from xx:00 to xx:00

2. Have cupcakes and their little snack plates made up with their little cups of juice/drink.

3. Have your family gathering birthday party with all the trimmings.

Good luck. D.

Hi S.-
i would suggest talking to the Mom and asking her for a list of the restrictions, but i might also ask if she would be able to bring some of those foods and snacks her daughter can eat so you won't have to comb the aisles for something you are nto familair with. and then she can also take what is not used home after the party or the sleep over.
you may also want to get a list of meals she eats or somethign like that so you have an idea of what it is she does for her daughter so you can do this better.
J.
nutrition coach
www.nutrition-in-motion.net

First thing I would do is just go ahead and ask her mom what kind of food she normally eats. I wouldn't stress out over this try to guess what food to make. Her mom should be the one telling you what she should eat but since she hasn't done it just do yourself.

They should tell you any allergies, medical conditions, give you medicine, doctors and if special foods, they should supply. They should also tell you what she can't eat cause of her health. Make sure have phone number and good luck.

If the parents don't give you any restrictions, because it's just family habit, then I would make the food, and have some healthy snacks available, too, carrots, apples, raisins, grapes, cheese, whatever . . . and let her choose. But if they are going away, you should get her medical card and permission to treat and their cell phone #'s and the land line where they will be. The reality is, that if you bring her to the ER, they will still try to contact the parents before they treat their child, but it's good to have the permission slip.

Good luck. It sounds kind of like a nightmare -- unless you can find some awesome and healthy receipes online !!

(On the other hand, I've had kids complain about food when they come over and want something different from everyone else for whatever reason. I know the families, and there are no restrictions -- I think sometimes kids just want to get special attention, too. So, see what her mom says, and take it from there)

S.,
I think it might be best to level with the parents right up front. Tell them what the experience was like last time. If they know you well enough to have you watch their child for 24 hrs, then they know you well enough to understand your concerns. Ask them specifically what she can & can't have. If it is unusual stuff, they should provide it for you. Make sure to tell them they need to discuss with their daughter what she MAY and MAY NOT have at your house while she's there. If YOU and her parents are on the same page and are CLEAR about what is allowed, then the girl should be instructed that YOU are in charge and she can listen to YOU for answers on what she can and can't have, right? Good luck. You're a saint.

It's the parents responsibility to give you a list of yes and no foods. If it's only choice and not a medical reason and you have no list to go by, oh well! Let her have the stuf. Ask for certain if the food is for medical reasons so that if there's an error you won't have to panic needlessly. Let the child know ahead of time when she arrives that HER parents have set up rules for her and YOU are trying to abide by those rules. Let her know if she gets upset because she cannot eat what the others are eating she will be removed from the room until the others are eating. You don't have to be mean about it but at the same time you don't have to tolerate poor behavior, even if it's her parents fault, lol. I would try to have all the kids eat the same stuff but if it's to such an extreme that you're left with soy chips then let the other children eat what they'd like. Also, make the parents aware of their child's behavior last time and the reason why, as in it wasn't your fault, and let them know you do not want another situation like that as it's not fair to their child nor yours, nor to the friends that are coming over to visit. Long story short, accomodate the best way you can but not at the expense of all the other children.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
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Stick with your gut, this party is about your daughter, not the other girl!

My son has food allergies and I always speak with the parent beforehand to make sure they are comfortable AND I provide alternate snacks/treats so he can enjoy the party too.

You can always say "I'm not comfortable making the right choices about what your daughter can/cannot have & I don't want to make her feel left out, could you please have her bring her own snacks that she would enjoy?"

Good luck!

Mommy S. ,
it is your girls birthday sooo; let her stay 24 hours [ your girls want her ]
now by law ;
you are responsiable for 'that' child
- protect you, your children [ from er trauma] , guests and protect the ' restricted' child
- rule # 1 for a ' special needs child'
her ; yes i said ,'her' parents m-u-s-t- provide foods for 24 hours of care . Must supply full detailed written medication rules , and medication neatly organized , every phone # to every dr., every grandparent, every where her parents are going in 24 hours .
The parents m-u- s-t- supply a written rule sheet for special child to eat the mom and daddy food neatly provided with lables ...also reguest a web md print outs of her condition , her medication [ to keep you educated]
this is a challenge ... The friends parents m-u-s-t- do alot of work before this 24 hour sleep over ..
This is not a regular eat popcorn kid stay'n over ...this is a grand issue ...
Yes; let special girl be[ feel] normal and have her stay over night ... Henceforth .....you want signed permission to keep her 24 hours , to take her to dr, to call grammy , to h-e-l-p the child ....it is the law
just in case ... The parents should be told of your reguests a week ahead of sleep over ... If they do not
agree [ no explaination needed either] sleep over is called o-f-f-. Due to 'pending' issues .
Trust me