Hi Mama-
I will say that maybe a gift card to Target for whatever you can afford with her final paycheck, is perfectly acceptable. You don't actually owe her a bonus, just her regular wages, and in any other profession, you would be handed your last check, sometimes taken out to a nice meal, and then let go. I say you have done your part, and her comments are not only unprofessional, but they hold no merit. Everyone needs money right now, and she is no exception. But if you really want to give her something, let's say you can afford $50-$100. Then a gift card to wherever she shops is a nice bonus. If it's only $25, that is also generous. Why? Because in this world bonuses are gifts, serendipities, and surprises. One should not expect them ever. It's rude plain and simple. So give her a card. YOu already took her to dinner. ANd if you feel compelled, get her a gift card- target, khols, starbucks, wherever. And wash your hands of it. Just because someone has more than someone else does not make the poorer person more deserving.
Here's my story on that last comment. My sister makes double what my husband and I make in one month. Just her. And her husband makes even more than that. They were given a house and did not have to pay the mortgage for 2 years as a wedding gift from her hubby's parents. My grandmother gave her $20 grand for college and she was able to keep the leftovers and buy a car. She has a beautiful baby boy, a great husband, they have 2 cars, a house, and are able to afford to do pretty much whatever they want most days. The kicker- my sister still shops the clearance at wal mart and khols. Now for my situation (we are going to skip the little sister, because her situation is very similar to the older one). My grandma did not think that I was worth her money as far as college went, so I struggled to earn an AA and pay off the bills. I had no car and rode the public transit EVERYWHERE, which in this town is 2 hours to get any where. I have faced homelessness because I could not make enough money to pay my bills; my hubby has depression meds which cost a small fortune on a monthly basis that we cannot afford, and we have had to borrow money from both my parents and his parents. It's humilating. At 30 years old I should at least be able to pay rent, but I can't. My hubby worked for the state, and after 3 major cuts, had no work for 6 months. Unemployment was unstable, and he was out in our ONLY car, pounding the pavement day after day trying to find work. So how does a state employee go from working at the semi top of the food chain to working at a guitar shop at minimum wage? Who knows. Life is the luck of the draw, and we do the best with what we have. I do wish I had more, but at the same time, I have learned to budget my money like no other. I use gift cards like gold, I do not eat out unless it's budgeted, and I spend alof of time sweating over the stove and house and work pretty much to survive. I no longer have a savings account and my bills are on the 10 year plan. I will say that after 6 years, the burden is not any lighter.
The lesson- I don't think that because my sister can afford to pay off my debts, she should. I don't think that I am more deserving of what she has than she is. Why? Because she earned it. It may not have been as hard for her to get where she is, but she did earn it. Not everyone will make large salaries, and not everyone will own a 4 bedroom house. Life does not make fairness a straight across the board thing.
Your nanny should be grateful for what she has, not greedy for what she doesn't have. Be generous with her. But also be a good steward of your resources. Put your extra cash in savings and plan a trip for you and the family. Buy that car you have always wanted with all the cash outright. It can be done. And it shouldn't make you feel guilty. Help those who need help and do what you can. BUt you are not responsible for her. She is an adult. Do what you can and assure yourself that you did. My mother in law is almost 70 and she is still working and she needs money. But don't think for one minute that she is guilting anyone over it.
Sorry this is so long. But I hope it helps.
-E. M