Debating Holiday Bonus for Our Nanny with My Husband

The expected gift for a nanny (especially one you want to keep happy!) is one week's pay. If she only works two days for you, then it's two days. Even if she gets paid for one day off that is not her holiday bonus. Nannies talk and you can pretty much guarantee she will be expecting to be paid the typical bonus. Personally, I wouldn't risk it!

I also think a nice gift is appropriate. We have a gift card and goodies for our babysitter, as well as a present for her daughter.

I personally am uncomfortable with the idea of the holiday bonus - that might be because I have always worked in fields that it would be a highly inappropriate use of taxpayer dollars... Besides, I don't like the expectations that surround the concept. I'm sure plenty of people disagree with that, but I can totally see where your husband is coming from.

>Don't all professionals expect a year end bonus?????????

Actually, no. I am a college professor and have never, ever gotten a year end bonus. In fact, everyone that I know who works for the state, for a university, for any non-profit, does not get bonuses. This includes friends who are police officers, teachers, etc. Do we work hard? Of course. Do you trust us to educate your children and keep them safe? Yes. Do we ever get thanked? Occasionally.

Don't get me wrong... we gave our sitter a bonus too, and I think gifts are always appreciated. But the expectation that you're going to receive one - followed by annoyance if you don't - has gotten ridiculous these days when we're expected to tip everyone from our doorman, maintenence people, newspaper carrier, mail carrier, babysitter... I almost spend more on tips for these folks than I do on gifts for my own family! I think of tips as something you give for exceptional service - not for simply doing your job. After all, don't we PAY you to do your job? Ok I'm done griping now.

It sounds in your case like your nanny *has* done an exceptional job, so a tip of some sort or holiday gift (not necessarily cash) is warranted. Happy holidays, everyone!

Wow. I have to say I am amazed at the variety of responses here. When I read your question, I thought, "No brainer. Give her the bonus." If you agree with the "week's pay" tradition, it would be for two days' pay in your case. I have had the same nanny for 3 years, she works 3 days a week for us, and every Christmas we give her 3 days' pay as a bonus, plus a small personal gift for her and for her son, and she always gets paid for holidays that fall on the days she works for me. She definitely appreciates the bonus since she is a single mom and uses it to buy her son's Christmas gifts. I think if you can afford it, you should give the bonus. All research I have done suggests that (like it or not) most nannies expect it and will be disappointed/demoralized if they do not get a holiday bonus. You can tow the line and buck the trend if you are morally opposed to such presumption, but you may end up with a resentful nanny. I guess it's a question of what you can afford and how happy you are with your nanny. Good luck!

Maybe you can get around your husband's objections by giving her a nice gift (or gift card) and calling it a "gift" instead of a "bonus," if that's what is bugging him. Since you have a new baby coming pretty quickly, this seems like a good time to stay on the nanny's good side - maybe he could think of it as an investment.

If you haven't ever spoken with your nanny about what happens if a day that you happen to get off of work (for holiday, office closure, etc), then that conversation is overdue in order to make sure you are both clear on expectations.

I personally see "holidays" that we professionals get off of work, paid by the way, should be paid holidays for our childcare workers. They don't get paid much as it is (relatively speaking) for a tough job and to expect that just because we are home one day they shouldn't get paid isn't fair.

So, with my frame of reference, the two days that happen to fall on Mondays should be paid or not paid based on whatever you set as expectations on days "you don't need her to come".

Given that, the Monday argument your husband has would not be relevant. Then it's a question of what you want to do for an end of year thank you.

I agree that one week per year is standard, so two days in this case. But if you haven't had her all year, that could be reduced also. Whatever you decide to do, it should be with gratitude for the work she does for you in teaching and caring for your daughter.

Good luck with your discussions, whatever you decide.

Hello N.,
Well I do daycare in my home and when someone takescare of your child during the day and when you need her extra and when
you need overnight care I say do the bonus.
Tell your husband that if he trusts this person with the most important thing in your life (your child)to do all that you say she does, than what's the harm in showing how much you appreciate her at Christmas.(I'm sur she isn't expecting it0 but I know she will be happy to know you acknowledge the fact that she is wonderful as you say.

N.,
Your husband is wrong! I hope you can give her something extra. It's not only about money, either. You could really hurt her feelings. If she only worked M and W, I could understand his argument a bit more. However, as you said, she stays overnight, you really like her, caring for a 23-month-old is not easy, and she seems generally available to help your family. In addition to paying her for the two holiday Mondays, I would pay her a bonus based on the times other than MW that she works for you and also give her something like a pretty picture frame or something else she would be unlikely to buy for herself. BTW, I think this idea of a bonus would be nice, but not extravagant.
Good luck.
Amy

Hey Stranger-

It is good to hear from you! Hope you are doing well.

I wanted to write and offer the suggestion/ compromise of giving your caregiver a nice Christmas present instead of a bonus- perhaps something that she can do to pamper herself? This is a difficult situation because she is only part-time and it is very nice of you to be paying her salary on the holiday given that you are not contracted to do so. I think a gift to show your appreciation is more than acceptable in this instance. Maybe your daughter could maker her something too to make it more personal?

Just some thoughts. Good luck and Happy Holidays!
N.

Doesn't everyone enjoy and deserve to be rewarded for a job well done? I just gave a bonus check to my babysitter and she was not insulted at all. The most important job is to take care of your children so why wouldn't you take care of her and keep her happy with a cash gift during the holiday season when people generally expect gifts? Don't all professionals expect a year end bonus?????????