"Did You and Dad Make Me?"

I guess it would've been easier for you if he was just curious about the birds and the bees!
We are raising our daughter similarly -- me, an atheist and my ex, an agnostic. We've done our best to let her know that there are all different kinds of faith and beliefs; and none are better or worse. This is just what we happen to believe as a family. I stress that she needs to be respectful of other people's religions so she doesn't hurt anyone's feelings.
He may encounter kids who will be cruel to him because he's not Christian. So, just to protect him until he's old enough to be self-assured, you might want to stress how personal beliefs are, and that he should share them with only his closest friends. People can be very hateful towards us non-believers. That's what I always worried about with my daughter when she was little. But she's grown up just fine.
A couple of books that might help -- "Parenting Beyond Belief" by Dale McGowan and "Humanism for Parents, Parenting without Religion" by Sean P. Curley.

We get these sorts of questions a lot in our household. My husband and I are just like you and yours - I'm atheist, he's agnostic - and we've always been open about our beliefs with our kids, while trying not to push them one way or another. My kids have been to church and didn't care for it, although I think young kids do like to believe in magic, God, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny - they like ideas like that. And I'm fine with it.

Anyway, we live in a real Bible-thumping community where people think if you're Catholic, you're going to hell (so you can just imagine what they think of atheists! LOL). My kids often come home with ideas that I consider kind of wacky, like that the sky is blue because of God (and so I have to go through the explanation of nitrogen being on the blue end of the UV spectrum, etc etc). I think it's hard for kids to reconcile the idea that we're really all that's out there. Nothing greater than each of us, or all of us, in our little universe. That's a scary concept even as an adult. Many times I wish I could believe in some form of a god, because I think that would be a comfort during difficult times. I don't want to discourage my kids from having that type of comfort, if they want to give that to themselves. After all when they're babies, we give them binkies and blankies to comfort themselves, and encourage them to self-soothe. I think at this age, a belief in some kind of god is the same type of thing. So if they want to hold onto god (and Santa, and the tooth fairy), I don't want to take that away from them. But I don't want them to not understand basic scientific principles either.

So... I understand your quandary. I think you explained it well to your son. I don't know the answer myself, but this was a very thought-provoking question! Thanks for asking it!

I think that's fine. Telling him that some people believe God makes babies is fine, or also telling him that no one really knows what role God plays in making babies, but it is always the case that mommies and daddies make babies. I am a theist (spacing intentional) and my husband is not, and while our son is not yet of an age to ask such questions, we have agreed that our answers must always incorporate the other's beliefs and treat them with respect. It sounds like you did a good job. Good luck.

Sounds like you are pushing your views on him although you think you are not. How about reading some books with him about how God made him as well as those about how a baby are born? Sounds like your son may have a need for that sort of thing.

Sounds like you answered him just fine.

I and my husband are exactly like you and yours, and I tried not to push my views on my kids either; they went to bible camp, went to church with their friends sometimes, and my daughter, in particular, really wanted to believe. (I kind of put a stop to the church-going when one of her friends told her I was going to Hell.) In a different family I'm sure she would have turned into a full-blown church-goer, loving God with all her might. I didn't dissuade her particularly; but my kids have ended up a little trio of atheists anyway. Oh well. In moments of crisis, they're just going to have to rely on themselves.

Wow. That's quite a situation. I guess I might have used it as an opportunity to ask him what he thought about God. It's really interesting to see how their little minds work. I've been curious why the idea of God is so immediately appealing to kids. My son was the same way, kind of dreamy eyed over the God - even though we rarely brought it up.

Interesting. You could say that you and your husband made his body but the spark that makes him him, his personality, thoughts and feelings, well no one knows exactly where that comes from. Some people believe it comes from god, some people believe it's electrical impulses and chemicals in the brain.

I think you did just fine...so many times we have to ask a ton of questions before we get to what our little ones REALLY want to know!!!
Our children would get different answers to this depending upon which parent they went to. I am Southern Baptist ( YES...one of those bible thumping Baptists...but I really REALLY am a nice person...lol) but my husband was basically raised on the periphery of the church...his parents sent the kids to church on Sunday..basically to get them out of the house and give them a chance to relax!
I do think that you could incorporate the idea of love into your next discussion with your son...tell him that you and your husband loved each other so much that you wanted to be able to share that love with a child....and so you made him and you are so glad that you did!!!
I hope that you will allow your children to explore and make their own decisions about what religion..or lack of religion they want to embrace as their own. I also hope that the Christians that you and your children interact with are kind and loving, and are examples of what Christ really intended us to be!!!

I've always told my son that mommy and daddy loved eachother so much we wanted to share that love and made him. That satisfied him at a young age and then when he hit 6 he wanted details...that was a lot of FUN!!! I consider myself a recovering Catholic and my hubs is an athiest. My son knows I believe in God but I never associated making a child a gift from God, so that wasn't a problem with us. Sounds like you did well and I wouldn't worry about it. As I don't push my beleifs on my son it still didn't stop him from deciding at 5 he wanted to practice Buddism, really the meditation part of it, but he saw a documentary about it and liked what they had to say. He still meditates at 7 but now I think he feels the all powerful being is a ninja.

Maybe you should ask him what he thinks/knows about God, too. Why was he sad about god not making him? I think if I were you, I'd want to know what kind of stuff his friend was telling him.

If he's asking these questions at 6, I would say he's probably smart enough for the "some people believe XYZ, but Mommy and Daddy thing ABC." And tell him that as he gets older he can make his own decision.

The other parents are pretty much lying to their kid and someday he's going to find that out.

Good luck!

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I think you did great! If he keeps asking, you can also tell him that some people ask God for help to make a baby and some people don't need any help at all. I think it's fantastic that you're letting him see all sides and that you're answering him openly and honestly.

You can tell him that everyone has a different belief in where they come from but the only thing that matters is that he was made with love. You can tell him that some people need or want to belief in god, others in buda, some people even want that there is a different god for everything. Then go on to tell him that you choose to be believe in yourself and take responcability for what you do both good and bad.

You could explain that you decided to make a child- but you didn't get to pick the exact details, like the color of his hair or his personality. The unique child someone gets is determined by chance, or fate (or was picked for them by God). Like buying a gumball from a candy machine. You put the coin in, but you don't know which gumball you'll get.

I don't mean to be rude but just am thinking that you do love your children I know. What if there is a God and you never let them know both sides? Because if there is, which I believe there is, there is a huge price to pay for ignoring him. I would let your child know both sides at least because all it takes to find God is faith and that in itself is a gift from God. If you don't believe there is not use in me quoting verses you won't believe but there are many that your child could read to decide for himself. I hope you can spend time telling him that if you believed in God this is how it would be. Then let God do the rest of the work in his life. It still boils down to our choice and we aren't forced to believe, as you know.

How old is your son? Oh sorry, he is 6.

Next, a child... believes in things too. But they are young and cannot possibly analyze everything, like we can. Their understanding reflecting their age.

My daughter, since she was very very young... is very spiritual and believes in "God." She would ask about "God" though we did not tell her about it, per say, nor in our daily lives. And, Despite what we as her parents teaches her. I have my beliefs and my Husband has different beliefs... which may or may not include "God." Though he is vocal about that... my daughter on her OWN... believes in "God." And she has a natural curiosity about it and it makes her happy. She believes her dead Grandpa is in 'heaven' etc. That is fine. That is her. I respect that... versus just trying to 'convince' her it does not exist or does. I talk about it with her... and let her read stories about it. It is her natural inclination..... not mine upon her or my husband's upon her.

So, if your son is asking about "God" and how things are made, him included... it might be a good opportunity to teach him about different aspects of how things came to be..... different view points. Not 'making' him think one way or the other. But also respecting... 'his' ideas about it and not dissing one side of it or not.
But as you said, you do not "push" your views onto your kids.
That is how my late Dad was....

And also... beliefs are not necessarily "finite." It changes or grows or the person finds their own beliefs, too. In life. Which is fine.

Then well, there is basic biology of 'how' kids are made. So, if he is of the age, you can explain in simple terms, how babies are made. If you feel he is mature enough... for what details you wish to tell him or not, about it all. But at 6 years old... it all is kind of 'abstract' for them... to understand... the sex part and everything etc. Perhaps.

all the best,
Susan

I am very impressed with your question, how you handled the situation, and most of all, the responses you have received!
My husband and I are atheist & agnostic as well. I'm sure this issue will come up with our daughter soon enough. She's only 2 now, but this is something I've been thinking about already. Thanks for the sparking the great ideas!!
I think you're doing great!

I like how you put it... if he asks again maybe mention that some people believe that god makes them in heaven, but then mommy and daddy have to make him again to bring him to earth.