J.E.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
Im sorry, but what the heck is this supposed to be?
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What was the advice and who gave it? How did you handle it with your child?
Yes I did write my post out of emotion! I am not the first. The question I wanted to ask was has anyone close to you ever gave your child bad advice that went against all that you have taught your child and they knew the values and morales that you have instilled in them? and how did you handle it with the family member or friend who gave the advice to your child.
I do understand that our children will hear things and get advice all day everyday but it seems to cut like a knife when someone you love under mine how you are trying to raise your child. When a child id living at home after they turn 18 years old they still have to still respect that this is the parents home no matter how old they are. The statement you are grown when you turn 18 should be turned into 'being grown means being mature"
Im sorry, but what the heck is this supposed to be?
1. Children are 'grown' when they are 18 like it or not. Legally they are, so we as parents need to be raise them to be responsible by that age. Some people are in the 50's and still don't qualify as being mature, but legally, yes it is correct.
2. Children will not respect you if you do not respect them first. Any one can get pregnant, it doesn't mean they made the right choice or that they are doing a good job as a parent.
It's interesting, you seem to get offended so easily, these little comments aren't really 'advice'. One off handed comment by a person to a child isn't going to change who they are, so don't put so much thought into it and blame a comment on a person's behavior. Instead, be a women of high esteem in which your children will want to emulate.
On larger issues in which a person tries to sway your child, teach them right and how to make wise decisions. Sometimes, people may be very harmful and you need to try and remove harmful people from their child's life, but overall older children need to learn. (and I agree with your update, living at home at 18 doesn't totally qualify one to still do all they choose)
Sure, our children get all kinds of advice and information that differs with what we hope they will understand. Those are great 'teachable moments' if handled, not with ridicule or sarcasm, but rather calmly and lovingly – modeling the way we hope our kids will learn to handle things.
Beyond that, I've carefully read your request twice, and I simply do not understand what you are trying to say. You sound pretty miffed, though.
My daughter decided she wanted to live with her dad so she could go to a differant school. She had been acting ugly and made some enemies at her current school. Everyone on her dads side told her it was her choice where to live and up to her if she wanted to move in with her dad. Noone thought to ask me. They just went about enrolling her in the new school and making plans behind my back. Had they asked me, I would've said you can't run away from your problems. If you made some enemes, stand and clean up your mess. You can't spend the rest of your life changing jobs or moving to a new place every time someone doesn't like you or things aren't going your way. So, yes I think it was very bad advice. These people thought she was mature enough to make a decision that affected so many lives. Where are they now, that she's made this decision and it's time for consequences? She went through a lot behind that bad advice.
